


RUSH

by wolfwars



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Binge Drinking, College, College AU, Drinking, Drug Mentions, Drugs, F/F, Kissing, Pain Kink, college hook-ups, cursing, mwahaha so many things planned, virgin!root
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-08 01:06:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 54,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3190043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfwars/pseuds/wolfwars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shaw's finally in her senior yr of college and this is the year that's supposed to run smoothly. So what if her like... only friend and roommate Joss Carter is gone? And so what if their dumb mutual friends are dead set on making sure she meets new friends... whatever, Shaw would rather be a loner anyway.</p><p>Root/Shaw. COLLEGE AU. Modern day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Move your body around like a nympho

**Author's Note:**

> MY FIC IS INSPIRED BY THIS AMAZING long FIC, http://archiveofourown.org/works/1148039/chapters/2363382 "No Homo" by RemainNameless and it's absolutely hilarious and amazing so A++ recommend. I also apologize for any confusing parts or typos in this first part. You can see me fumbling to come up with computer jargin in one part which I did research but I'm still pretty sure sounds nothing like a pro would! oops... but man, i'm having fun writing this so enjoy! 
> 
> definitely might bump up to mature as it goes on! There's lots of cursing and there's kissing, making out and stuff but it's not M or E yet.

 

* * *

 

_Rush Week._

 

Shaw didn’t want to say she felt ‘sad’ because it’s not really like she got ‘sad’ but she was definitely getting a sense of dread about how the next couple of months was going to go down without Joss to share her space with. 

It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy for Joss—and sure, she liked being on her own. Being alone was never actually a problem for Shaw like it was for some people, in fact, she preferred it. But Joss was a good housemate. She cooked (something Shaw was terrible at), bought their groceries, _cleaned_ and very importantly, she’s the ‘social’ one who Shaw can shove like a sacrificial lamb at other people at parties so she doesn’t have to actually interact with them herself.

The only two she could tolerate other than Carter was her not-quite-boyfriend, Reese and their TA, Finch. And that may or may not have been strictly on the basis that Harold Finch owned a dog and she usually jumped at the chance to take Bear on walks or even house sit him while Finch was away on his mysterious little ‘missions’. The stuff he told her was teacher conferences or whatever else it is that man did in his free time other than stock up on suits.

Shaw let out a tired ‘hrumppph’ and leans back on the couch. She even puts her boots on the coffee table for a few seconds before it suddenly feels wrong and she lowers them. No…

It’s not like she _cared_ or anything. Strong, beautiful Joss Carter was going to have a killer time abroad with all her friends and Shaw was pretty sure she’d find some decent Euro-hunks to hook up with.

And Shaw doesn’t even get lonely so it’s not like it’s a problem or anything. She jumps back up again and runs over to their fridge to grab and beer and that’s where she sees the note Joss left her this morning (even after saying their goodbyes and Shaw carrying her suitcase down the stairs. Shaw’s strong so it’s not like it’s a big deal…) with all the numbers she might need and Joss’ abroad number (which she shouldn’t really call) and one last little scribble: _Take Care of Yourself, Sameen!!!!!!!_

And maybe that makes her like, a little happy, but it’s not like it matters. In fact, Shaw tugs the note off and shoves it into one of the drawers full of Target utensil silverware. There’s a floral picture frame with a photo of John, Harold and Joss smiling. The picture’s a little blurry because Sameen took the picture for them. Next to it is a photo of her and Bear—the winter freezing her cheeks red and Bear nestling into her winter coat…

All the stuff in their flat is nice but temporary stuff. Like Ikea or Target. And it’s clean and organized because Joss was the one who actually put time into hanging picture frames, buying a small rug and Shaw’s the one who stocks beers in the fridge. Which, she happily grabs one now and starts sipping.

It’s when she hears a little whine at the door that she perks up and walks over to open it.

“Hey?” She peeks out and sees Bear start to wag his tail. Reese and Finch wait on her stoop looking like the lost orphan boys from _Oliver_ before she steps aside to let them through.

“We thought we’d come to make sure the room hasn’t burned down yet… or that there aren’t any gun holes yet.” Reese joked as he pretended to scrutinize the paint on the walls.

Shaw sighed.

“Just because Joss is gone doesn’t mean I forgot gun safety laws,” she winks and leans down to give Bear a pat on the head. He rolled over onto his belly and Shaw wondered to herself if it would seem _pitiful_ if she asked to steal him for a few days. He could sleep on her bed in her room.

“Plus, I miss Joss…” Reese said. Shaw had to admit, the five o’clock shadow and unkempt, shirt seemed to agree with what that statement. Usually the big lug looked like a big ol’ prep. Button down shirt, khakis—the works. Loafers, like he’s already retiring to go manage his 401k. Even though he was actually here on a football scholarship so technically should be dressed like a jock and say ‘ _brah_ ’ every two seconds. _Not that she was complaining_. Plus, on the other side of this intriguingly homerotic bro-ship (once Shaw and Joss came over to find Finch and Reese gazing into each other's eyes as Finch helped him put his bowtie on, so they immediately turned around and left in a fit of giggles) was Finch who already graduated yet kept his nerdy dad image going… it was the strangest odd couple the building had seen.

“You look it.” Shaw said teasingly. She poked his dirty t-shirt and felt muscle poking back.

“We want to go out tonight and you have to come with us.” Finch added. He gave a small, almost-shy, smile and Shaw couldn’t help but _like_ the guy sometimes. Even when every part of her was yelling, “No! Anything but human friendship!”

But she knew Finch basically hated drinking and going out and if he was willing to go to an actual bar with them then he was doing it for John and that was well, _nice_ … Shaw had been planning on staying home, walking around naked and watching crappy TV until she passed out. It was her, ‘first night alone’ plan.

“You’re buying us shots,” she said to Finch as she passed him to grab her coat and tug it on.

  

“What do you mean you only sleep with a guy three times?” Reese was pouring himself another glass out of the pitcher of beer they’d ordered. The bar was especially crowded tonight with mostly graduate students but Shaw could recognize a few familiar faces from her year among them. 

“Three night rule.” Shaw poked out three fingers, “Anything more and suddenly I’ve got a cling-er. And I don’t do clingy.”

“But that’s ridiculous!”

Shaw raises a challenging brow, like: _But is it really?_

Reese scrunches his shoulders back. They’re all a little drunk by this point and Shaw’s mouth tastes like tequila and when her mouth tastes like tequila she’s basically a hundred percent ready to make someone else’s mouth taste like tequila…

“What’s ridiculous?”

They both turned around to see a guy who’d been listening in on their conversation (which, ugh, _groan_ ) and standing with a drink in his hand.

“Why don’t you tell him, Shaw?”

“I don’t sleep with anyone more than three times.” Shaw answered back with very little interest put into her voice.

“ _Ohhhhhhh_ ,” The man’s eyes lowered for a second. She saw that his eyelashes were almost unnaturally black, like he’d been putting eyeliner or something on them. He also wore a crappy suit which made her think that maybe he was studying to be a lawyer or an accountant. Shaw couldn’t make too much fun, she was pre-med after all. Which meant her fellow classmates were running around with a gallon of excess stress and looking like they were tweaking off of something other than their non-prescription Adderall. (Luckily for her stress was a no-big-deal). Not only did she not really get stressed—or scared or… well _anything_. She tended to like that adrenaline kick she got before she had to give a presentation.

His gaze seemed to be more appreciative as the seconds passed. Shaw nodded at him, waiting for him to add something to their conversation.

“Hey, where’s Finch?” Reese asked remembering and then turning to peek around the crowded bar.

If that was her excuse to exit she’d gladly take it. Shaw smiled tightly and gave the new guy a pat on the back and then took off. It didn’t take her long to find Finch and see him talking animatedly to a woman sitting across from him at his booth. Shaw leaned back on one of the columns and watched with a grin plastered to her face.

Finch. Finch was getting a girl. _Or about to_. She could only see the back of her head but the conversation seemed like it was going well. The woman’s brown hair was shaking from the excited movements of her head and she could almost see hands moving as they talked.

She was about to walk away to find her own person to take home with her when she felt someone stand next to her:

“Hey—“

Eyeliner man was back and with two drinks in his palms.

“I asked your friend and he said you were a big scotch drinker.” He smiled up at her and passed over the drink hopefully.

Shaw took it from his hands and took a big sip. 

“So, Larry. What’s with the suit? What’s that major of yours?”

He prickled but then his shoulders eased back, “Law. And my name is Nestor Carbonell.”

“Mhm,” she took another big sip. Eyeing him but mind somewhere else. Maybe she really _should_ have just stayed home and walked around naked. She could have even cleaned her gun. Or maybe even started looking into her second gun she’d been wanting to purchase. Shaw downed the drink and handed her glass back to Larry.

“Nestor how ‘bout you buy me another one of those and then we go back to my place?” She bit her lip at him and flexed her lips into a grin.

It was almost too easy.

Nestor smiled back slyly and rushed back to the bar. Well at least this one knew her rule already.

 

  

“That’s incredible!” Finch had barely touched his drink in his excitement to talk about computers.

“You know,” Root narrowed her eyes happily at him, “The way to a computer’s heart is all about bit programming. The bitwise operators and bit manipulations…”

“Maybe you should come by sometime and—” he noticed her change of expression and paused. He was delighted to meet someone of great intellectual merit in his evening. In fact, he hadn’t thought he’d find anyone to talk to other than Reese or Shaw but the strange woman had recognized him quickly from his faculty assistant page and gone over to introduce herself. And he was quickly discovering that this strange woman named ‘Root’ was quite brilliant in their mutual field of computer sciences. 

He peeked behind him to take a look at what she saw and then back at Root who’s eyes widened then she seemed to blink and remember their conversation.

“This has been delightful, Harold.” She looked back behind him, nervously.

“Well would you like to meet my friends?” Finch asked turning around to point out Reese and Shaw.

Root looked at him then back again at the pub and her smile seemed to only widen.

“Are they also computer geniuses?” she asked as she took a sip of her drink and quirked a brow up.

“No, no, no. Pre-med and my friend John’s here on a football scholarship. But believe me, he’s a pretty good student too. In fact, I think he’s very gifted in other ways too. A very nice man.” Finch’s mind seemed to wander off as he thought about the lovely attributes of his friends. If Carter was here, he thought to himself, he would talk her up as well.

Root whistled quietly to herself, almost seeming to linger on her own private joke. Finch leaned in and smiled. 

“And that’s Shaw. She’s very…” for lack of word to describe her: “…Shaw.”

His new friend nodded quickly, like he’d finally hit the right bulls eye out of all of her question. Then let out another soft: _‘mmmh’_ , “And she’s—?”

She stretched her neck out to look and they both saw a young, tall gentlemen in a suit walk over to her with drinks. The two seemed to laugh before the man rushed off again towards the bar.

Finch laughed.

“Shaw? She’s single and seems to prefer it that way. But I’ve also never met anyone who could really handle her before…” Finch warned in a worried tone. 

“ _I’m sure there’s people who would love to try_ ,” Root said not tearing her eyes away. Her voice had gotten a little raspy which Finch thought funny. Maybe it was the drinks. 

“No one’s quite the match for her.” He added, tentatively.

The man in the suit wrapped an arm around Shaw’s waist and they walked to the door together while Shaw finished the rest of her glass. He could almost hear her boots clicking away on the floor as she strutted.

Root watched too then engaged back into their conversation on the fascinations of AI technology.

 

 

 

 _8 AM._

_Ughhhhhhhhhh_.

Shaw rolled over in the tight space she had left of her bed then touched her hand to her head.., which, by the way, felt like it was on fire. Or melting. Or exploding. Or all of the above.

Maybe they’d done a little extra drinking once they got back home. Before the ripping each other’s clothes off thingie. There’s also the possible chance she stripped for him to ‘Baby, Got Back’ and not even ‘Anaconda’ but _the original_. Sir Mix-A-Lot would be proud.

But Ugly-suit guy had definitely worn out his welcome and Shaw couldn’t help but groan even harder when she noticed he still hadn’t left yet, his big legs and torso crowding up the space of her bed. 

She sat up and rolled him unceremoniously onto his back.

“We had our fun… _guy_ … but let’s go our separate-“ She rolled him again, harder, “WAYS!” and then he accidentally rolled off the bed.

She bounced over quickly to see him plopped down on the floor where he’d finally woken up and pressed a palm to his head.

And something else bounced with her which definitely meant she was still naked so at least she did the whole ‘naked in her apartment’ thing at least once since Joss has been gone.

But there’s also the fact that maybe she wouldn’t have fucked this shlub if Joss had been there to occupy her space and keep her from taking home strays. But shit, she was drunk. Whatever.

 

“Buddy, let’s—“

He blinked up at her then his lips curled into a smile.

“Enjoying the view?” She asked.

He didn’t nod but seemed to want to.

“Look… _Chief_ … I got things to do and places to be and unless you want to meet my real Bae, a 9mm Berretta Nano, I suggest you put your pants back on.” Then her smile went from harmlessly friendly (used especially during fake parties) to the more threatening one that tended to scare dumb boys away after they’d overstayed.

“My name is Nestor,” he huffed. But the naked boy stood up and found his clothes and put his shitty suit back on. That piece of clothing she remembered. 

“Nestor Carbonell, in case you want my number.”

Shaw pretended to think about it then shrugged her head to the side, “I have a feeling I’ll be getting your number one way or another. Maybe in the future!” she lied as she lead him to the front door.

He still hadn’t gotten his shirt on and was zipping his jeans up as he held onto his sneakers. (She hadn’t known he’d been wearing sneakers under the suit pants but oh well, that’s why they’re called ‘mistakes’) she ushered him even further and went to open the door when— 

“Shaw?” 

Reese stood, surprised in front of them, holding up his phone to show the doorway. Joss, through his facetime, was waving excitedly.

“Ooooooh boy! Looks like you didn’t miss me afterall,” Her honey voice shouted out. 

Shaw groaned even louder. Now she was really pissed.

“B Y E!” She moved Nestor away and invited Reese in, who looked a bit red.

"Shaw...uh..." he pointed to her overall naked-ness with a tomato-bright face.  _Oh shit._

"One sec," Shaw mumbled, hearing Joss laughing atrociously loud in the background of their living room.

 

 

When she came back---and fully clothed, Shaw took the phone from his hands and spoke to Joss herself. Contently listening as she talked about her flight and her new classes.

Reese walked over to smile at Joss from behind Shaw’s shoulder. Shaw almost wanted to ask if this new school environment also included new eye candy but she knew that would only make Reese upset… and even if Reese and Joss weren’t exclusive, she knew better then to do that.

“But what about you, honey?” Joss was holding a little shower bag in her hand and Shaw wondered if it was already night time over there.

“Well you know me. I’m still fighting it out to win Valedictorian. Apparently there’s some competition but I’m not too worried. It’s not like our school is filled with geniuses or something.”

“That’s good! Well, I know you have no problem meeting new men…” Shaw agreed with a suggestive face of her own. Which only made Joss roll her eyes.

“BUT I was sort of hoping you’d meet some new lady friends too. I even asked Finch and Reese to find some cool people. Shaw-verified cool people for you to hang out with.” 

Shaw rolled her eyes and Reese nodded to Joss.

“We’re trying,” he said with an easy smile.

“ _Good luck_ ,” Shaw muttered.

“Getting naked with someone you’re only going to see three times max isn’t friendship, Shaw! Or companionship.”

“That’s what I got Bear for,” Shaw whispered.

Reese chuckled and then turned to hold the screen for a change, “So _you_ knew about the three night rule?”

He seemed amused. Shaw scooted further away from him and the phone on their couch. Their couch wasn’t particularly fancy but it was big and comfortable and they’d gotten it free from craigslist. Reese had driven her and Joss over to pick it up and then Shaw and Reese had lifted it up the stairs and loaded it into the room. 

Joss laughed, “Me! Of course I knew.”

“Yeah, duh, Reese.” Shaw rolled her eyes but smirked playfully at her friend. Joss and her shared some jokes… _sometimes_. Joss nodded.

“You have to meet someone else, though. For me. Someone to be there while I’m gone. Not just a dog.”

“Maybe I like having you gone,” Shaw joked. 

Joss only narrowed her eyes in clear disbelief: “Oh really? What’s in the fridge right now then?”

A single gallon of expired milk. But Shaw didn’t have to tell her that. She folded her arms and let Reese take over the conversation. Talking about their new game coming up and someone nice he met on the team… and… Shaw really lost count of what he was saying because her mind was already wandering off to more important things.

She got up, stretched then lifted one of her heavy textbooks out of her back and put it on the coffee table so she would remember to read it later. She also did need to go out and at least buy coffee grounds for the coffeemaker (Joss’ of course).

It was not like she didn’t try to go to the grocery. Like…ever. She just tended to not really know what they needed or bother making a list. And she didn’t really know how to cook either. Especially on their shitty stove that Joss magically knew how to use.

Shaw yawned and then a few minutes later, Joss yawned and seemed to be tiring herself out talking about all the exciting things she was seeing around Paris.

“We’ll let you get back to your fun,” Reese said… but his voice sounded hesitant and even a little sad.

Shaw waved at the tiny screen and Joss waved back before clicking it off from her end.

Reese sighed and looked over at her.

“Noo...” Shaw said.

“One girl. She’s nice! She’s the cheerleader I was just talking about, everyone loves her—“ 

“Do I look like a cheerleader to you?” Shaw asked, flatly.

 

If Shaw had really thought it through—had really thought her life through… she would have stuck to her whole loner thing and never made a friend out of Finch, Joss _or_ Reese.

Maybe then she wouldn’t be sipping wine spritzers by the pool at AOBangMyHeadAgainstADoor but time machines haven’t been invented yet so she’s utterly screwed.

Still, she looks fucking hot so kudos to herself on that. Shaw didn’t want to go but she also didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb so she put on nice dress, a pair of shades and heels. But then, when she actually arrived, very few girls were wearing anything but leggings and sweatshirts with big capital Greek letters on them, so she suddenly wished she’d gone with the comfort thing. She also should have brought her own booze.

Reese owed her. He owed her big. In fact she doubted she would have even come tonight if a small part of her hadn’t just felt so unsettled in her new empty flat. So she could blame this on Joss too. So she drinks and she drinks – because why not? It’s free booze and the drunker she gets the more she considers tossing Reese into the pool for allowing this to happen to her.

 

“Ohmygod and can I just say I love your dress? It’s so cute!”

“Thanks,” Shaw nods politely.

“My boyfriend would love it…”

“Hmmhmhm.”

“Letmeseewhereishe!” She spoke very quickly, “Nestor! Nestor!” She peeked around the halls of the sorority building. Shaw accidentally spit out a mouthful of spritzer in front of her.

She covered her mouth quickly.

“I—“

The girl gaped at her, slightly horrified and Shaw figured maybe she had nothing good left to say anyway so she bounced off as soon as she could, heels click clacking on the nice polished floors.

 

“I’ve gotta start vetting my random hook-ups!” Shaw waved her hands in the air in complaint. She hooked an arm through Reese’s and quickly dragged him away from his conversation with some dude who was so preoccupied checking out her tits he didn’t seem to mind that much.

Reese groaned. 

“What now?” Then his head swiveled around to look at all the girls, “And why aren’t you making friends like you’re supposed to?”

“I’d rather you just shoot me.” Shaw’s face darkened. It was true. She’d rather die.

“Joss is asking us to find you someone.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be concerned with _me_ finding someone and instead you should be concerned with—“ Shaw’s voice dropped off and she stopped herself completely before she said some new asshole-ish thing that she didn’t mean. Like, _concerned with Joss finding someone_. Because that isn’t cool.

“Finch.” She finished.

“Finch?” Reese’s face scrunched up with confusion. Which was rare because usually the guy was as stoic as a statue. But he seemed genuinely puzzled by her.

Her heels were also kinda killing her feet. She was supposed to find new friends _but at what cost_? 

Next to them, a big group of girls were squealing in excitement. One rushed over to Shaw, big sleeves covering her hands and gave her a jello shooter.

“Thanks!” Shaw thanked her genuinely before downing it.

Reese handed his shooter over to her afterwards. _A true gentleman, maybe this friendship was worth saving after all._ Shaw thought.

“I like the booze but I don’t like the broads,” Shaw commented.

“ _You don’t like anyone_.”

“And you do?”

She had him on that.

  

Still, an hour later the music is bumping and Shaw’s dancing on the floor with the rest of the sorority house girls like they’re the best friends she’s ever had in her life.

(Man is she wasted).

 

Taylor Swift starts to play and Shaw frowns. About an hour ago, Nestor and his GF spot her and she sees him stiffen, freak—and then try to leave about a dozen times before he finally bails and Shaw’s left with his crying GF.

(That man might actually make a good lawyer after all).

Shaw wraps an arm around the girl and lets her sob it out. She feels her own blood buzzing with alcohol and she even can tell she’s pretty shwasted because there’s only a few things that could actually move Shaw to _comfort_ another human being and that’s 1. Horniness (usually the comforting is with her lower regions) and 2. She’s very drunk.

She lets her cry it out on her shoulder for a little until she hears 90’s hip hop blaring on the loud speakers by the pool. Then she tugs the girl up by the sleeves of her sweatshirt and forces her to come out and dance.

It turns into shitty dubstep but by then, Shaw’s actually kind of danced-so-hard-she’s-sweaty-now danced. Her hair which was worn down but half-up in the front is sticking to her forehead slightly. Shaw brushed her hair out of her eyes and then frowns when she sees a few familiar shapes in the distance.

 

She half-runs over which is impressive considering the dangerous shoes she’s wearing and then tugs Finch over:

“Turn down for what?” she asks, mostly joking.

Finch raises an eyebrow then nervously gestures to his date from the night before, Hottie McNerd (which, hey, Shaw can see _the appeal_. The girl’s tall and she’s got _legs_.) Damn. She didn’t think Finch could do so well! Shaw smirks up at him and sees Reese roll his eyes behind them, his constant height towering over them. 

“Shaw I would like you to meet my new friend, Root.”

“Hubba hubba,” Shaw looked Root up and down, then looked over her shoulder at the bash behind her, “The bad party got better and I found out that I _can be fun without Joss_. I’ve blended into the habitat so that I can closely study the prey. Easy now, they can smell an eligible male from miles away…”

“Sounds like an interesting case study," Root says dryly. 

“That one owns a gunt and likes to hunt in the woods,” Shaw said pointing proudly to a short girl in the distance. She hadn’t expected to meet anyone else who loved guns as much as she did but the sorority had a lot of Republican’s daughters.

“A gunt? Shaw, I think it’s probably time we go.”

“Or I can take your lady—”

“Wha—“ 

But it was too late; Shaw was already looping an arm around Root’s arm and leading her into the pack of dancers. Finch reached out one hand towards them, looking sad and worried.

Once they were away, Shaw leaned in to ask in her ear: “So you…and Finch?”

“Harold?” The girl peered up at her from behind strays of loose hair. Shaw had to blink because her already drunk mind got less and less focused… this girl’s eyes though, _woahhh_. They had a weird intensity to them under the lights flashing for the party. She must have been pretty drunk because she didn’t even notice when they set up for so many people outside or when they put out speakers… or… where all these other non-sorority mixer people came from. But that was college; sometimes a party could blow up in a matter of moments. Or a toilet run where you go to pee and come back five minutes later to see twenty more people came from nowhere.

Shaw leaned in and added (conspirational), “On a date?”

“No.” Root seemed bored with this line of questioning so she led Shaw instead and brought them onto the dance floor.

“You?” She asked.

Shaw felt the girl’s hands on her hips. She liked that bar cutie seemed to be taking a lot of initiative, but hell, she was _Shaw_. She couldn’t be beat now could she? So she pulled the girl even closer and then turned around so she was dancing against her. Shaking her butt to old _Spice Girls_ of all things. But Shaw was pretty comfortable dancing against strangers; she even moved her hands behind her to loop around the girl’s neck encouragingly.

Root gasped in her ear.

 

Finch was probably having a heart attack right now. Good. That was almost the payback he deserved.

 

“Thanks for letting me borrow you,” she said.

“You can borrow me anytime.”

Shaw swayed a little as she danced and she felt hands move to her sides to help steady her. She was suddenly very glad she wasn’t facing the girl who had strangely distracting eyes. But she was drunk.

So drunk.

(Not throw up drunk, thank God.)

“You okay?” She heard the girl ask in her ear. Shaw nodded back and then turned back around - done grinding for now. She looked the girl over whose eyes seemed to widen again.

Maybe Shaw was going to hell because for some reason, flustering people always gave her a great source of joy. She felt her stomach buzzing and her arms still tingling from all the touches. The girl looked up too then seemed distracted.

“Shaw!”

She peeked behind her shoulder and saw her boys coming back. White knights and all that blah blah.

“Are you always like this?” Root asked—no, _almost seemed to marvel_. She had a slight grin spread across her lips and Shaw, well Shaw might not exactly remember how the rest of this part went—

Also, yeah so maybe it was probably like, totally her fault.

But two dumb bros were chanting and maybe drunk Shaw thought this was like, an awesome idea.

 

_Kiss. Kiss! Kiss!_

 

And maybe drunk Shaw thought to herself, ‘ _What the hell’_. Then leaned in and pulled the girl’s head close to hers, meeting their lips and swallowing the little squeak of surprise she found waiting for her. Shaw pulled their mouths closer and gave the crowds around them a show.

There were probably sorority girls gasping.

Boys hooting.

Reese and Finch, who knows… the poor guys…

She felt herself slide a little, still dizzy from all the dancing but sure hands (like before) found her and wrapped around her waist. Though they seemed to tremble nervously. Shaw laughed into their kiss at that. Enjoying her nervousness.

Honestly, what Shaw always found better than the actual kissing sometimes, especially with boys she just found at bars, was the ‘excitement’, the stomach-pulling feeling of not knowing what’s going to happen. Just shocking someone to death.

 

Either way, it’s a helluva way to introduce yourself to somebody.


	2. She may be the queen of hearts But I'm gonna be the queen of your body parts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've all been there drunk!shaw, we've all been there...

_10 AM._

The next morning she woke up alone which was good. But then she felt strange when she walked past Joss’ empty bedroom.

It was just another thing she had to get used to, she guessed. She didn’t really remember much from the night before, not a blackout but definitely foggy around the edges. She remembered dancing, helping criers and she remembered…

 

On her the top of her counter was the form. 

 _Her form_!

Shaw rushed back into her bedroom and hurried into a pair of jeans. She tugged them on even though they were tight and fighting against the hurry. Then she pulled on whatever else she could find and ran back to pick up her deadline form and spring out the door. 

 _Idiot, idiot, idiot_. 

She usually took the bus but she knew it’d be too slow today so instead she hailed a cab, paid the annoyingly wasteful fee (since she could usually travel way more like her own budget) then sprinted towards the big, blocky building she needed to turn in her forms to.

She wasn’t the only one fighting for the spot so when she arrived she saw Miss O’Brien waiting behind the desk and talking amiably with the other applicants.

This wasn’t good at all. Shaw liked her time! She liked going early and getting to size up the competition and really see who she was up against. This was pathetic, pathetic, _pathetic_.

Shaw quickly pulled her hair up into a ponytail after it had gone crazy from the waking up and the running and the craziness when she heard a familiar voice:

“Hey.”

She turned around and saw Finch’s friend from the night before. The girl looked way, way more put together than herself and was holding the form between her fingers while she waited.

Shaw held in the sigh she wanted to let out.

This was so embarrassingly bad. _Of course_. This is what fate wanted, this was all the punishment for all the times she’d made Carter clean the house on her own or take out the trash or… that time she cock-blocked her and Reese ‘cause she just didn’t feel like leaving even though there’s a perfectly good bar within walking distance and who is she kidding, sometimes she’s just difficult—

Shaw’s eyes widened when she had recognized Root and then she gave her a sheepish look.

“About _last night_ …”

Root flashed a bright smile. A smile so wide that Shaw started to wonder if maybe she’d forgotten a few extra things. 

Then she sauntered over, a real pep to her step, and she gave Shaw an… almost-but-not-really subtle once over. But Shaw wasn’t sure what to make of it. Or them. Or if anything else happened…

 

“You were drunk, _Sameen_ , no worries.”

Uh oh.

“My—you know my name?”

Root looked up innocently, “Was I not supposed to?” 

Shaw looked around and then at the ground.

“Should I get rid of your number too then?” Root slid the sleeve of her oversized sweater down her arm and showed off the large numbers written down. Shaw recognized the handwriting and numerals as her own and it made her stomach twist guiltily.

Since when? Since when did she leave her number on girl’s arms?

Shaw acted cool though. She smiled back, eyes with a flash of menace. 

“So we did… more than just hang out at the party…?”

“You mean _kiss_ at that party?”

“Yeah, _that_ thing.” Shaw grumbled then looked away, embarrassed still.

“We did spend more time together and I told you that Finch and I weren’t _like that_ , which I only bring up now to reiterate that point to you now that you’re sober. And you and Reese aren’t a thing—because I asked about that too. Then we went and…”

Shaw waited on every word. But Root only smirked.

 

“But… I love knowing more than you do." 

“Did we murder a man in Rio?” Shaw joked. But she was secretly a little hopeful that the secret was manslaughter and not anything else that could be worse, like sleeping with some nerd mchottie Finch found and is now about to compete for her slot as Valedictorian.

 _As if_ she’d let this girl take that from her. 

She wasn’t going to let her take _anything_ from her.

Root shook her head and looked even more playful, “I almost wish you remembered… but I guess now I have your number in case we can have a little more _fun_ in the future.” Shaw knew she was drunk but she didn’t remember the girl being this confident the night before. As a matter of fact, she’d come off a freshman almost and that had been kind of endearing in a _sad_ way. But now she had too many advantages over Shaw and she didn’t like it (number one on the list being height, number two being the girl’s outfit was more put together with an oversized sweater, leggings and boots while Shaw looked like she’d been hitch hiking).

Shaw looked at the numbers on her arm and said, “Keep it. You might need to give me a phone call when you can no longer keep up with my grades. I’m _going_ to be valedictorian. So good luck ‘cause you’ll need it.” She turned on her heel and went to turn in her form. Miss O’Brien helped her and didn’t make any jokes at her expense for being so late.

When she turned back around, Root was still there, waiting. Her eyes stayed on Shaw as she walked back over but it’s not like she cared. The girl could stare all she wanted. _In fact, keep staring_.

She raised an eyebrow challengingly at Root as she walked past to go to the door.

 

_It’s on, bitch!_

 

 

 

She knew one thing now. At least she now had a new hobby.

 _And torturing Root was going to be just as much fun_ as spending time with Joss was. Maybe even better. There was definitely a sort of… aggression-release of tension thing happening here.

 

“What kind of name is Root?” Anyway, she asked bitterly. She swirled the plastic sword around into her drink. Next to her, on the bar table, was a huge book for her class the next day. She studied but also kept losing her train of thought as she kept wondering back to that night and all the stuff she really didn’t remember. 

I mean… maybe they had sex? But then she was pretty sure Root would have owned up to that. She would have remembered that probably. Her phone buzzed loudly on the bar counter: **Are you feeling better? Don’t forget to turn in your form for Valedictorian. – Finch**.

She happily ignored his text. This was half his fault anyway. She thinks again that maybe socialization just isn’t for her, that it was one big mistake trying to do what Joss wanted her to do. She was training to be a doctor not a party planner; she could do whatever she wanted. Shaw was happy to spend the rest of her year alone heavily drinking and studying.

But she seriously needed to get smart about who she was taking home with her. 

(If Joss was here she might even jokingly make Shaw come up with a set of rules for ‘quality’. Three at least… and whoever it is would have to be ‘Joss acceptable’ I mean she didn’t take back a whole sports team of men before but she had pretty steady numbers and usually they had to find a place to stay unlike now that she had all this space and no one to sexile.)

 

 

She should have known something was up when she later received a text from Finch that read: _NEED A DOG WALKER. COME PICK UP BEAR AT 5?_ Because a text like that basically shouted: ‘funny rom com set-up scenario!’ but Shaw had been so excited about getting a little ‘me’ time with her favorite pup she hadn’t minded. Only eagerly replied and then gotten another buzz from her cell telling her to meet him the quad to pick Bear up. 

Except when she arrived it wasn’t Finch waiting by their familiar lamppost with Bear’s leash in hand but Root.

“The Root of all evil awaits.” Shaw wasted no time taking Bear’s leash away from the girl and walking off in the opposite direction but her competition wasted no time in catching up (which is comparably easier for her since her legs are longer anyway). 

“Harold wants us to be friends,” The brown-haired girl began to explain, “And he doesn’t seem to know you don’t like me. Maybe because you didn’t tell him that yet?”

They walked along the path and it didn’t seem to matter how fast Shaw could walk because Root could keep up with her strides. She watched as Bear’s tongue wiggled out of his mouth into a big lopsided smile, nothing tore that big guy down so she had to admire that.

“I don’t know what Finch or Reese told you but I like the way things are now.”

Root looked doubtful. 

 

Which was getting really annoying because she’d already seen that look a dozen times on Reese’s face and she didn’t need it to come from stranger. A stranger she made out with _one_ time.

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with me until you knew I was up for Valedictorian too. So just give me a second because my neck still kind of hurts from all the whiplash,” Root slipped a hand underneath her hair to rub at the back of her neck pointedly. Shaw rolled her eyes.

“If I don’t remember the night than maybe it wasn’t _all that memorable_.” Although she knew that wasn’t fair to say because lots of stuff she forgot. She probably forgot about half of junior year but that’s another story.

“Do you really want to know what happened?” Root relented, twisting her head to the side a little. 

“Please.” Shaw grumbled.

“Well,” Root looked around conspiratorially before leaning in, “We danced. We kissed. You remember that part, right?”

 

Shaw nodded back.

 

“Well you—”

“ _Oh shit_.”

“You remember?” Root perked up. Her eyes seemed to go +10 happier.

 

And shit, yes now she did remember.

 

 

 _What the hell_? They kissed and Shaw swallowed the girl’s noise of surprise. Arms helped to steady her but Shaw deepened the kiss, a like—insane amount. It was like a too much tongue disaster.

She used the arms holding her up to press more into the girl’s body and then she seemed to gain a little sanity and pulled apart from the kiss. The girl seemed to come out of her own reverie more slowly, her eyes fluttering open and looking sweetly confused. Shaw licked her lips.

And they both barely had the piece of mind to notice the other, more shocked faces watching them.

“Follow me,” she didn’t have to make the girl go with her but Root followed behind in a slight daze as she brought them near one of the beach chairs that was away from the busy party. Shaw sat down then waited for Root to join her, which the girl looked around quickly at the space to see if it was empty (embarrassed about their behavior) then jumped to sit next to her. She rubbed her arms where goose bumps were growing on pale skin. Shaw smiled then rubbed them.

“So…” she leaned in and her eyes never left Root’s lips. Which Root remembers felt very disarming.

“Ugh,” Shaw blinked and then looked back and forth from the house to Root’s face which also confused the younger girl, “You’re like really hot.”

“What?” She was genuinely surprised. Which Shaw remembers thinking was ridiculous. _This girl knows she’s hot_ , she’d thought to herself. Root’s cheeked burned red but Shaw assumed it was because the night temperature had dropped and didn’t think anything else of it.

“You-” Root looked guilty, “…You too.”

“I’m not hitting on you or anything,” Shaw crossed her arms confidentially (like the way you can get weirdly confident after about six drinks), “Just sayin’. You’re pretty hot. Like, woah. I keep getting distracted by your eyes,” 

Shaw’s own eyes moved from the girl’s face to her neck where she hummed to herself then reached out to loop a piece of brown hair between her fingers. 

“T-thanks.”

Root eyes fluttered until they were half closed she looked at the hand twirling her hair. She felt drawn in by everything Shaw (Root remembers) and she kept staring at her hands and her face. She wasn’t drunk or anything, which is embarrassing. Root just felt mesmerized and then her eyes went to the skin of her shoulders that was showing under the moonlight (and her back). She felt off guard the first night she’d seen her at the bar (and thought to herself _how attractive she was_ ) and now she felt like she’d completely lost her footing. She didn’t know how to deal. Or even what Shaw wanted because if Shaw wanted what Root thought she might want well then she was 100% down to give that to her. Like, she could have it. 

Root sighed to herself because she literally had no clue what it was this girl wanted. 

She was supposed to meet her because Finch said she needed new friends and the problem is that Root agreed to that but Root already knew she wanted to be the kind of friends who get to see each other naked and then engage in activities that aren’t really _friendly_ at all… 

Also, it was totally unfair that Shaw got to be drunk while Root was basically sober.

So unfair.

But instinct had made—or actually, it’s Shaw’s fault, it wasn’t _Root’s instinct_ it was Shaw’s magical enthralling powers because she hadn’t really thought about it. She just leaned in and kissed her like how bugs always get caught in spider’s webs. 

Then she heard a weird, breathy moan. _Sammmm_.

And her heart started to beat a million miles a minute—until she realized.

“Wait…you don’t know my name—“ 

Shaw’s eyes fluttered open but her fingers were still stroking Root’s neck which is funny because their kiss lasted barely a second and she’s not sure when Shaw got her fingers on her neck but the tips of her fingers were rough on the soft skin.

Shaw looked flustered as well though, “ _Wait so your name is Sam too?_ ”

“Your name is Sam? But why’d you—why’d you say your own name?” 

If anyone else was normally so drunk they blurted out their own name while making out, it would be embarrassing for them but Shaw had been so wasted she hadn’t _even cared_.

“My name is Sameen. Is your name Sameen?” Her brain was extremely foggy at the time this question had made sense to her.

“No, it’s not Sameen…” Root’s mouth hung slightly open. She wasn’t sure if she should even press this because on the other end of this beach chair was a hot girl who wanted to kiss her so why isn’t she shutting up right now and letting that happen?

 

(But if she’s so drunk she doesn’t even know she’s saying her own name…)

 

“ _Tonight your name is Sameen_ ,” Shaw said huskily and in the tone of it as though it was a really smooth pick-up line. She pushed Root back down on the chair and kissed her lips roughly. Root let out a soft groan that became a moan when Shaw ran her hands up the side up inside of her shirt and onto her skin.

The body above hers became heavier and heavier as it moved more on top of her, pressing her hard into the fabric of the beach chair. Root felt like she was being devoured.

Shaw remembers that she could feel how nervous (yet pliant) the girl was underneath her. She liked her being nervous but it wasn’t suiting her needs in terms of a make out partner so she made it her initiative to make extra sure this girl knew she was hot. She could then file this whole tryst under: girl power. 

“You’re really cute you know,” she whispered as she was placing kisses on her collarbone. She then placed a gentle peck under the girl’s neck, “I see what Finch sees in you.”

 

“What!” Root was surprised (again).

Shaw looked steady into her eyes, “You and… Finch?”

Root shook her head. Shaw noticed how dark her eyes had gotten and she grinned and pushed her back down onto the chair.

“Do you like this?” she asked.

“If I said ‘no’ would you stop?” Root joked back. Although Root remembers now that her voice hadn’t been as strong as she wanted it to sound.

“Maybe.” Shaw teased. She ran her fingers around to the girl’s face and was finding this to be way more gentle than she was used to. When it came to hookups she was a pro and sometimes it was kind of like running a carwash. You keep things running smoothly but with a lot of the same steps and tangoes and… yeah Shaw’s brain was all over the place at the time so her analogies weren’t the best. But she wasn’t used to spending time on someone like this but there was something about this shy, nervous girl that brought it out in her.

Like, girls should genuinely know how awesome they are, right? Like, it shouldn’t take nimrods like Finch or Reese to figure it out when there was a perfectly hot Shaw to teach them the way. The way to hotness.

She leaned in but didn’t kiss. She just waited for that very late-to-be-given permission. She’d also take ‘begging’ if it was given to her. Mhm.

“I want you to,” Root said a little out of breath.

Shaw grinned and swooped down to enthusiastically continue as they were.

Shaw remembers this all now in almost perfect-detail. They didn’t have sex or anything but _still_. They did have to get dragged off that beach chair later by Reese and Finch before they would stop (and even when she’d relented and let Root slide away from underneath her, on shaky legs, she’d taken one of Finch’s pens and scrawled her number on Root’s arm before he drove her back home separately). 

They had come with a water bottle to sober Shaw up. Reese probably had worn out all his muscles that night cause Shaw did not go easily into that good night, no she definitely fought him all the way home (she wasn’t done partying)… but at least Shaw had an excuse for being a drunk irresponsible college student. Root was just ‘young and impressionable’ – or so she’d thought at the time. Now she had to wake up to the fact that Root was her grade, fighting for her spot and also getting more and more confident.

Except, like, that confidence boost is _all her own fault._

 

 

Root and Shaw (current day) had both stopped mid-stride as they recollected on their night, Bear tugging at the end of his leash impatiently so that they might start walking again soon.

“Oh…” Shaw looked down at Bear then back up at Root, “Maybe I should go.”

Root lurched forwards to catch up again. She looked into Shaw’s eyes and Shaw was reminded of how nervous she was when they’d danced and when she’d basically forced a make out on someone she barely knew who she, at the time, thought was digging her ‘friend’. Which thank God that’s not what was really happening otherwise Shaw would be the worst person alive.

“Finch wanted us to be friends.” Root says quickly, “So maybe we can try that?”

“Hell no.”

“Why not?”

“You want _my_ spot. So no way.”

“Well,” Root bites her lip as she thinks up a quick plan, “Finch wants you to have a friend and he’s not gonna stop until you do. So why don’t you pretend to be friends with me?”

Shaw wanted to shoot her idea down. Wanted to say it was dumb or say something mean or literally just take Bear and go before she embarrassed herself any further… but Root’s plan was actually pretty genius. She could easily pretend to be this girl’s friend and hang around her – maybe even secretly plot against her with any information she gathers from the fake friendship. That would get Harold and John off her back and Joss to stop worrying over her too.

 

Problem solved then. Shaw grins the longer she thinks about it and extends her hand. Root smiles back and shakes.

(Shaw ignores the weird feeling she gets when their hands touch.)

“Deal.”

“Okay,” Root bites her lip again and as far as bad habits go, Shaw can safely say Root’s picked up the most distracting one ever, “I’ll be by tomorrow night to study then. Finch’s place.”

 

She smiles then heads off in the other direction.

 

Shaw watches her go, not because she cares or anything but because it’s an enemy and enemies must be watched. She’s gotta be on guard, that’s the rule.

 

Bear licks her hand and she grins down at him. “Good boy,” she cooes.


	3. But I tell myself that I was doing alright There's nothing left to do tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guyS! HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS UPDATE! :D lyrics are from Heart's "Crazy On You", I momentarily changed it up from pop songs lyrics (which just, for some reason, didn't seem to fit this chapter).

“So how are you so young but still graduating with us?” 

They’re both sitting on the couch in Finch’s apartment with Shaw stretching her legs out onto the long table in front of them, shoes off. She pretended to ask everything in an uninterested tone. Just because they were pretending to be friends now doesn’t mean she wants Root to think she cares about anything the girl does.

The girl had taken the spot beside her but wasn’t taking up as much space. Root didn’t even seem to be really studying that much. Shaw could just see and hear the loud clacking of computer keys as she worked on her laptop. Which unless she was writing a really bomb essay, didn’t seem to be actual work.

Shaw frowned and waited for her to answer.

“I was pushed ahead a few grades.”

“So you can’t even legally drink yet?” Shaw asked, grinning evilly. It was probably best that Finch and Dances-With-Computers weren't going to become an ‘item’. Finch was way too old for her - but also, she hadn’t seen Finch make lovey-dovey eyes at anyone other than Reese except the one time Joss told Shaw she’d been over to his place and saw a photo of a girl with red hair there. So maybe there was something else going on in their TA’s somewhat lonely love life.

“I can’t?” Root grinned and then pulled out her ID. Shaw took it roughly and looked at what was an obvious fake. _Samantha Frey_. _1993\. Nebraska._

“But you’re not legal?” Shaw tilted her head to one side, hoping her face was as intimidating and reproachful as she wanted it to appear. She was lucky that Finch was looking for one of his books in the storage basement and that Reese was helping him because it gave her a break from having to pretend to be nice to her new 'friend'.

“Why? Do you want to do something illegal with me?” Root's smile widened.

Shaw frowned and watched those hands slow down on the keys they were tapping. Her nails painted black but a little chipped. Maybe the whole not studying thing was a ‘power play’ so that she could show Shaw how little Root actually needed to work or something… She closed her own book to show her own _not studying_ and then leaned back on Finch’s couch. Root’s gaze shifted from the computer screen momentarily.

And that's how the boys returned to find them... sitting in awkward silence and staring the other down. Root pouted innocently at Shaw before turning back to her computer.

“What is that?” Finch smiled and stepped closer to see the codes Root was writing. He observed and then nodded his head at the lines.

“Gibberish,” Shaw said.

“Not quite,” Finch leaned back and seemed to be immersed in whatever the numbers on the screen were. Root punched Shaw’s side and Shaw let out a small grunt of pain before smiling back as though they were being ‘friendly’.

“Just us girls goofing around.” Root said. They nodded unconvincingly together in unison and Shaw patted the side of her black tee where the punch still kind of stung (but in a _good_ way). She had a flannel wrapped around her waist but it was a hundred degrees warmer in Finch’s apartment than it was outside so she didn’t really need it.

“You know us,” Shaw joked back. Reese looked between them nervous while Finch was feeling happy over his work.

“Yeah you look two seconds away from getting matching friend tattoos,” Reese answered dryly. It was too bad he wasn’t as easy to fool as Finch but Shaw also figured he didn’t really care that much about her making friends. He did for Joss’ sake but otherwise; he kind of just let Shaw do whatever she wanted. Finch was buying it and that’s all that mattered. 

“Sameen, would you pass me _Data Communications and Computer Networks_?”

She looked away from the gaming app on her phone and saw Root smiling innocently in her direction. Shaw leaned to pick up the book then handed it over. If they were going to start playing games than Root was going to have to do a whole lot better than that. Shaw was half-sure that if they did play games, Root would be the type to borrow the pranks from _The Parent Trap_ and she’d be waking up with shaving cream in her hair or something.

Reese sat on the other side of her on the couch and scooted a few of her heavy science texts on the floor aside with his shoe.

“Root was just telling me how someone so young could be graduating on time with us… apparently she skipped a few grades?”

“Then she’s being rather humble, Ms. Shaw, because Root is _very_ gifted in her field. And if she continues on doing the work she’s doing she could create many great things for the world.”

“ _Harold_ ,” Root looked embarrassed but also something else. Shaw was interested in that something else because it looked like she was thanking Finch and threatening him to shut his trap at the same time. 

It made her smile.

“She’s only 18 and one of the brightest in Professor Hendricks’ class. But Shaw’s also one of the best pre-med students so we’re among a gifted bunch.” Harold grinned at everyone and Reese hid an amused smirk.

They spend most of the night quietly working on their own things. Sometimes Root’s tapping of keys there to fill the space of quiet. Shaw knows this shit is fake but she still greatly prefers it to the “friend set-ups” Reese and Finch were trying to put her on.

And maybe it’s because the reading is really boring that she looks over and watches Root typing away. The girl’s brows furrowed in deep, deep concentration and eyes scanning the screen. Some hard problem must pop up or something because she bites her lip, stretches back and then puts her hair up into a ponytail while her eyes still roam across the numbers on her screen.

Shaw was probably watching too long because Root peeks to the side and sees her. Shaw looks away quickly, back at her book. She doesn't even need to look again to feel  _the smirk_ radiating off her foe. Genius, pttffff. Super pain in the ass, more like.

 

 _This is so dumb_. Pretending to be friends is dumb.

 

Later that night she set up a Skype call with Joss and got flooded with a million questions about the party, her morning classes and even a request for her to snapchat some videos of Bear. Which is probably one of those things Shaw would want people to do for her too if she was gone but unlike Joss wouldn’t feel like she could ask. Shaw cleaned her gun while they chatted so that she could multitask.

“I’ve already looked through your closet and I’m pretty sure that dress you left behind would look bangin’ on me.”

“Good. I took your leather jacket with me.”

Shaw looked up quickly and frowned.

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

The next morning she heard a quiet _knock knock_ on her door and saw Root waiting with a tray of coffees. 

“Oh good, you’re awake.” The impatient girl strolled in, put the coffees in Shaw’s hand and looked around. Unlike Shaw, Root still had a leather jacket and was wearing it even though she didn’t think it was particularly cold outside today. 

Shaw yawned and then sipped out of the to-go cup. Mostly black Americano with no sugar added. She’s not sure how Root knew her order but she took another long sip before saying anything because she was running on basically no sleep. She had stayed up all night to study (the whole day of not studying just to ‘show Root’ hadn’t been so good in the end). Shaw was kind of lucky that she was naturally a night owl because during the school year if she wasn’t up partying and drinking, she was up trying to get all her reading done.

“And you’re here. In my place. Not invited—”

Root rolled her eyes and then reached into the pocket of her jacket. Her phone immediately began to vibrate as though she was some tarot card reading psychic and she handed the phone over to Shaw.

“Hey—yes, Finch?” Shaw listened into the speaker and then she answered quietly, “Yup. Root’s with me. We’re hanging out, thanks.”

She then hung up and passed the cellphone back.

“You’re good.” She stated simply.

“I know.” Root said back. She flashed a smile then tucked her hands back into her jacket.

“And this is actually…” Shaw motioned to her cup of coffee, “Pretty helpful.”

Root took a step closer and looked at Shaw’s face with concern. She peeked at the dark bags under her eyes and reached out to touch her arm sympathetically.

“Working?” 

Shaw took a step back away from the touch and then headed back to her empty fridge.

“Yeah well nothing more than usual. I wouldn’t start buying your special valedictorian robes just yet.”

Root frowned and crossed her arms, following behind her as Shaw opened the fridge door and swung it back shut.

“You look like you could use an _actual study_ partner and not just a study session where you stare at me the whole time…”

Shaw stiffened.

“Or, you know… I could even _quiz you_?”

“Fine but not because I need the help or anything,” Shaw replied stubbornly. She reached for her book on the counter and passed it over to Root who accepted it happily before bouncing over to the couch and lounging on top of the cushions.

“Coming?” She peeked over her shoulder back at Shaw, looking all too pleased with herself. Shaw grumbled but then walked (VERY SLOWLY) to take the spot across from her on the couch. She listened and then started answering Root’s questions as she poured through the loaded book. Shaw had to show her which notes she needed to get down the most but there was very little she didn’t need to know. She found herself getting more and more impressed when Root _actually_ pronounced the complicated science jargin correctly. Even Joss struggled with that sometimes.

Her eyes started to close and she felt a playful kick in her side. Root’s colorful socks were still digging into her when she jumped up and was startled awake.

“Falling asleep?” Root’s lips parted and her expression softened as she watched Shaw fumble about. Her tiredness was creeping up on her but Shaw still had too much left to do. She just leaned over past Root to pluck up her actually unfinished cup of coffee (Shaw had downed her own cup in the first five minutes of having it) and sipped it in front of Root’s face.

Root gave her a soft punch to the stomach- which Shaw barely felt. It made her chuckle. Her study buddy peered back down at the pages in front of her and read out: “Eyes dilation…skin flushing…increased swallowing.”

This was definitely not the stuff she was studying so Shaw raised a brow. She knew her own lecture and reading material.

“Shaw Syndrome…” Root kept ‘pretending’ to read the facts, “Often irritable and becoming inarticulate."

“Sounds like Root syndrome to me,” Shaw snipped back.

" _All indicators of infat-_ ” The more Root talked the more Shaw needed her to shut up so she grabbed the book from her hands and lifted it up out of reach.

“I’m taller than you,” Root said easily grabbing the book back.

 

As they study in almost-silence, Shaw feels herself losing interest again and that means she gets _hella_ distracted by things like the shifting of her study partner’s legs to bridge out in front of her then shift back to folding them underneath her as she licks her finger to turn a page of the book— or the tired noises her mouth sometimes makes when she’s waiting for Shaw to remember a term.  

It’s this kind of boredom that usually becomes a problem for anyone who wants to actually get work done with Shaw (who often likes to derail other peoples’ ability to concentrate and bring them down to her own level).

“Soooo… what about you?” Shaw stretched back out and kept one foot pressing hard against Root’s folded legs. It was easy for her to redirect the subject and she had plenty of questions she could ask. One in particular that had been on her mind anyway: “Are you seeing anyone?”

The girl across from her gaped annoyed.

“ _What?_ This is college. Everyone’s seeing someone.” _Except_ that’s not true. Shaw knew their grade was huge and filled with tons of people and many of which were still single. 

College is the kind of place where everyone is _supposedly_ doing all the exact same things: binge drinking, ‘hooking up’, dating and gaining fifteen pounds but there wasn’t really that much truth to this predestined formula written out by people like Judd Apatow and party songs. Shaw was about 95% it only applied to some people. But she also liked working an angle she thought might encourage more truth revealing than the ‘truth angle’ did (which didn’t work and was stupid.) 

“You aren’t.” Root had her eyes back to the pages of the book. She looked bored with the change of conversation but that only made Shaw want to press on her further. Except _tall, brunette and beautiful_ didn’t seem very interested in piping up.

“Dating’s not my thing but I figured it might be yours.”

The girl dropped the hard book into her lap and moved so that Shaw’s leg wasn’t digging into hers anymore. Her mood had completely changed though and _holy crap_ did she just piss her off too bad? Not like Shaw was worried she could beat this noob into the next century if she wanted to. Shaw would definitely win a fight if they were being honest. (Although Root did kind of seem like the kind to fight dirty.)

“There was someone,” Root’s voice grew distant, “But she’s _gone_ now.”

“ _Oh_.” Shaw leaned in and eyed the floor nervously for a second. She didn’t realize she’d struck a nerve, which was ironic ‘cause all she’s wanted to do is hit these girl’s nerves and do enough damage to feel—well she didn’t know what she _wanted_ to feel… but Shaw’s lost people too and she doesn’t use stuff like that against people.

“I’m sorry.” Shaw said and she meant it. And maybe that’s why Root’s tenseness settled down enough that her face didn’t have the same angry edge to it. She ran a hand through her brown hair and looked back at Shaw furtively.

“There’s—there’s something…” Shaw bit down on her own tongue. _There’s something you should know about me. Axis II personality disorder. No feelings. Only Anger. Sorry._ She didn’t know or even understand why it was so hard to talk about. How picking up a DSM had confirmed basically everything she already knew her whole life yet it wasn’t something she told Reese, Finch or Joss about. She’s not really sure why the goon squad chose her to hang out with anyway. Why find the most hands-off, non-feely person possible, someone who can’t even **_care_** _about you_. Why stick with that person?

She didn’t see how they could like her if they knew the truth about her and she didn’t see how they could understand her enough to want to be around her without knowing that. It was a weird stalemate.

So maybe she _owed it_ to people like Root to let them know.

But it doesn’t…

Shaw shook her head to herself. When she looked back up, Root’s eyes hadn’t left hers and she suddenly felt that weird sense of doom she got whenever she knew she was in weird territory with someone. Like she’d said before, she wasn’t good at ‘comforting’ people. Just wasn’t hardwired that way (unless she was horny or drunk).

But Root was shaking. 

“Come here.” Shaw said softly. The girl looked up at her with cold eyes. Shaw motioned for her to come closer and waited while the girl did.

She moved her hand to move a strand of curly brown out from her face and stared into brown, distrustful eyes.

“ _Labia Oris_.” Shaw said, peering down at Root’s lips.

She leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to the spot. _Labis Oris_. Root’s eyes clouded over, she stared into them as she searched her mind for other words she remembered. Ears, lips… she had plenty of terms left if she needed them. 

Root blinked and Shaw felt some of the tension melt away from her shoulders. She moved her hands down and put them on top of Root's arms. She wanted to ground the girl—bring her back to Earth. She squeezed them lightly.

“Ok?” She breathed out. Root nodded so she asked, “Who was she?”

Shaw noticed her hands clenching into fists as they rested against her folded legs. It was weird seeing this though... a sad, broken Root sitting in her space. Her jacket was bunching up from all the movement in her arms and Shaw felt herself growing calmer as her ‘friend’ grew more distressed. 

It was a weird power she had.

Somehow handling crises was kind of her thing even if being emotionally available wasn’t. Shaw could probably kill for someone without a second thought about it but relenting and telling people what she actually ‘didn’t’ feel was way harder. (Maybe because she was afraid of the way people might start looking at her. People knowing she was 'different', people who  _trusted_ her suddenly realizing they never should have...)

“Her name was Hanna.” Root rubbed her hands against her face roughly and then her eyes scrunched.

“Yeah? Okay. Okay. I’m sorry, Root.”

“ _You didn’t know_.”

“Which is why I should shut up sometimes.”

The girl kind of hid back a smile, “Yeah.”

“I’ve just figured that out. So you have to be patient with me… I guess.” She smiled back and then moved her hands away from Root. She didn’t need to be touching her forever. Root's eyes followed her hands as Shaw moved them and pressed them against the back of her knees.

 

“One more round.” Shaw said eyeing the textbook. Root picked it up and they went back to where they’d left off.

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Hey, hey—what do you think you’re doing?” Shaw walked into her room to see Root slipping on one of her sweatshirts over her head. Shaw gaped angrily in her direction hoping that fear alone might put an end to this ungodly act.

NO ONE TOUCHED HER STUFF.

(Not even Root.) No wait. _ESPECIALLY_ NOT ROOT.

Root stood awkwardly with her hands lifted until her resolve hardened and she slipped the rest of the big, comfy sweatshirt over her torso.

“It’s cold. I don’t want to sleep over in the clothes I came here in,” She said as though it was super obvious. Shaw had to take a breath before she lost her damned mind.

“You’re not sleeping over!”

“It’s 1am.” 

Okay so maybe Shaw hadn’t noticed how much time had gone by since this morning but when they’d talked a little about, er, well Root’s past, they’d finished another round of studying and Shaw had to go to class. 

She figured Root would leave which she was totally wrong about because when she came back, the girl was resting on her couch with her back laid out and the laptop balanced on her chest as she wrote code. The whole flat was quiet except for the busy humming of Root as she worked.

Shaw hadn’t said anything ‘cause she figured, hey, whatever. Just picked up her book and tossed it to Root because she had a shit ton of studying left to do. She’d brought a lot of food back from the cafeteria too. She’d stolen basically as much as she could fit into her bag and even took some of the pre-packaged food that was being sold in the dining hall outside of her classroom.

So she’d let Root eat a slightly too-ripe apple and a PB&J not sure why anyone would _actually_ want that if they had better options but it wasn’t her place to really _care_.

But this was getting ridiculous now.

 

“Why would you stay over here, don’t you have your own place somewhere? Maybe you could even teleport yourself to Narnia… I don’t care what you do really.”

Root yawned then looked around Shaw’s room.

“Do I _really_ have to ask if I can sleep here tonight?” she asked, annoyed.

“It’s called boundaries, Root. Maybe you could learn to set some of your own.” Shaw flicked a brow in her direction (proud of her comeback). If Root thought was she was the queen of sass then she was in for a whole new journey into sassland, a tour led by the queen of IDGAF, Sameen Shaw.

Root didn’t respond but plopped down on Shaw’s bed. She yawned again and then stretched out, long limbs spreading all over the bed sheets. Almost like she was making a snow angel.

“Nope. Only those with a sex visa get to stay there.” Shaw approached the bed and then reached over to drag Root away.

“I’m applying for one!” she squeaked out as Shaw grabbed onto her legs.

“No can do,”

She leaned over and felt about a thousand long limbs entangling her and Shaw was getting real done with this tall people bullshit. She didn’t even think she was that short or anything! Or whatever. But she felt like her body was being hugged by a clumsy octopus as Root fought her pushing (and she was right before when she guessed that Root was the kind of fighter who would give you a bloody nose). 

 

The girl looked up angrily from under her, voice urgent, 

“ _Let me stay.”_

 

Shaw groaned.

 

“Or do I have to wait until you accidentally hurt my feelings again and then kiss me and make it all better—are you the kissing when people are upset type or…”

Shaw double groaned and rolled away. She could _not_ handle this right now. Root sat back up, the hoody of the sweatshirt falling away and leaving just messy brown hair and angry eyes everywhere in Shaw’s sight line.

“Maybe we could skip the part where you hurt my feelings and just get to the—”

A pillow flew into Root’s face. She tucked it away and then smiled again knowing she’d gotten some nice points in there. Things Shaw couldn’t say she _wasn’t_ doing. Like kissing sad people.

“You stay BUT—“ Shaw held up a finger pointedly, “Not in Joss’ bed, just cause she’s not here doesn’t mean her bed isn’t her bed. She wouldn’t let people stay in my bed when I’m gone… probably. And so you’re on the couch.” Root thought it over then nodded. A huge grin growing on her face.

 _This is so dumb._ Shaw thought. She turned around to grab her own sleeping clothes and she could hear a small sigh from behind her. She turned around confused and Root was watching her _closely_.

She turned back to her drawer and grabbed a big sleeping shirt with the words “MARINE” on it and a pair of Victoria Secret shorts. They had dumb words on them because they were a part of the university branding campaign so they said, _“GO BEARS!”_ on them with sparkly glitter. Shaw left to go wash her face and change and when she came back she heard Root laughing.

“Didn’t know you were so _into school spirit_.” Root said as she read the words on her ass.

This night was slowly becoming her own personal hell.

“I want my bed back, scoot.”

Shaw bounced back onto her own bed, not caring much if her ass was cheering on her school sports team or not. They were a comfortable pair of shorts. And more importantly it was clean when a lot of her laundry wasn’t. Root eyes lingered on hers for a second before leaning against the doorframe, “Goodnight, _Sameen_.”

Shit like this never happened when Joss Carter was around. That was for damned sure.

Also Finch and Reese were absolute shit at picking out future friends for Shaw. Step one: _don’t select a ‘friend’ who seems down to bone_. When were those boys born? Yesterday? Shaw peered out into what she could see of the other room. She saw the lights switch off and it become dark.

 

In the morning, she woke up to the smell of bacon frying on the pan. Shaw rubbed her tired eyes and then stretched out towards the smells coming from the small kitchen and the very crappy oven. 

Root was cooking pancakes on a pan that she didn’t even know she owned still and Shaw stopped to appreciate the smell of fresh coffee and food and bacon. She walked over and leaned on the counter. Her ‘friend’ turned around.

“You were so nice to let me stay last night so I thought I’d go out and buy stuff to cook with.”

“You can cook?” Shaw asked. She watched as Root flipped a pancake and then lowered the heat on the stove burner.

“Yeah, let’s just say my Mom wasn’t much for.”

“Much for?”

“Much for cooking, much for helping… you name it.”

“Ohhh… I get that kind of. I always say it’s a no-big-deal which I guess I say everything goes under a no-big-deal.” 

Root smiled and passed her a plate of pancakes and bacon. 

“This is way too nice though. Also it smells so good I could kiss you for making it...”

Root spun around on her heel (spatula still in hand) and Shaw took a quick step back.

“ _Could_.”

“ _Aw…_ ”

 

She took her plate over to the couch and then went back for a mug of warm coffee. She mixed in one of the creamer packets she’d stolen from campus and then carried it back too.

Root followed ‘route’ and brought her food over to eat beside her. She couldn’t complain because the food was good. Really good. Joss used to cook her late brunches on the weekends all the time and Shaw hadn’t realized how spoiled she was until Joss went abroad. Lately she’d been obsessed with making crepes and nutella and while Shaw couldn’t complain (those were freakin’ delicious and Joss was a master chef) she also enjoyed more comfort-type foods like bacon. 

“You realize this is the second time we’ve had breakfast together? Coffee yesterday and now pancakes.” Root grinned between bites and Shaw only shrugged, “I have class in an hour so… can I use your shower or…”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Root smiled. She put her basically done plate down and headed off towards the bathroom. It didn’t really matter if she used the shower first or not, Shaw was working with corpses today so if she showered now there’d be no point. She’d just end up smelling like formaldehyde later anyway. She didn’t need to shower until she came home later that night. That's the reasoning she decides for letting Root use her shower.

 

She saw her phone buzzing from a Skype call so she picked it up. On the screen it flashed ‘THE BAE’ with a photo of Joss because that’s how Joss had put her number in.

“Look Joss… real food!”

“Ohmygod, I hate to say it but I’m actually surprised.”

“I didn’t make it.”

“Now I’m less surprised.”

“Mhm, Root did but she’s in the shower right now so she can’t come say hello again.”

Joss’s eyes narrowed, “What? Does she live with you now?”

“She can’t live here. This is where I keep all the bodies… but _no_ … she doesn’t live here. She crashed on the couch last night.”

“Okay,” Joss sounded relieved.

“What about you?” Shaw asked, happy for a distraction.

 


	4. Baby, I'm a gangsta too and it takes two to tango You don't wanna' dance with me, dance with me

“Are you going to eat that-” She was already leaned over and Root must have had the sense in her head to give it up because she pushed her plate over to Shaw. The brown-haired girl had been eating at her French fries with birdlike nibbles. Shaw grinned happily to herself and then stuffed her face, not seeing the judgey look on Reese's right next to her.

Root took her food too so fair was fair. Except Shaw didn’t really let Root take her food for more than a few bites.

In the back of the dining hall they could hear loud excited cheers and the 'mighty bear roar' yelled out for games.

Reese was eating too but about twice as much as the girls could stomach since he’d just gotten out of warm-ups and somehow could put away an enormous amount of hamburger in his stomach after training. Shaw could also see all the eyes taking secret looks at Reese when they thought no one would notice. Admirers, many and many admirers. If he was any other ‘dude’, Reese would be hitting that. In fact, Shaw was pretty sure there was a few even  _she_  wouldn’t turn down. She wondered if Joss was keeping as faithful as Saintly John back home here was because it was one of the few things she hadn’t gotten around to asking in their weekly Skype calls. And their last call had been busy because she’d had to include Root just to show her that a ‘real’ human being was spending time with Shaw and it wasn’t just Shaw and Bear.

(She’s still convinced that Joss thinks the events of  _The Shining_  are slowly unfolding back at the apartment and that when she returns from France, Shaw is gonna go all cabin fever on her ass...)

The shouting turned into a full blown cheer and Shaw saw Root munch on another French fry with the expression of ‘about as pleased as she’d be if she was being hit by a car repeatedly’. Shaw gave her a sympathetic nod.

“You ready, killer?” Shaw asked, turning to look at Reese. He’d gone back to his clean-shaven look for football season and she could see a few bruises looming under the collar of his jersey. It was stuff like that, that made Shaw want to join the football team. She was jealous that John got to kick people around in all the sport’s  _gory gloriousness_. 

She felt Root pinch her knee under the table and she looked back over at the girl.

Root raised a brow at her.

Which made her want to raise a brow back but then their silent-conversation with facial expressions was getting weird enough as is. Shaw looked at her confused but not backing down.

 

_What?_

 

Whatever Root was trying to convey the psychic-girl-link web to brain connection wasn’t up and running so she wasn’t receiving the message. Shaw poked her back in the ribs.

Maybe the message was ‘Don’t hit on John’ but that was ridiculous, so Shaw poked her again harder and when Root flinched she grabbed a handful of fries off of her plate and popped a few into her mouth.

“Do you chew or just inhale?” Reese asked as he watched in disbelief.

“Well  _someone_  gets a little bit of an attitude when they’re nervous about the big game,” She joked back.

“You know I don’t  _enjoy_ losing.”

 

~ ~ ~

  

The big game becomes a ‘big thang’ and the shouts start as soon as the opposite team’s fans enter the stadium and the Bears begin to boo at them. Shaw didn’t dress up for the game at all. She threw on a black shirt, black jeans and her favorite pair of worn in boots. But she knew what she didn’t make up in spirited clothing she would make up for in inappropriately angry and explicitly phrased shouting.

Then there’s a war to see who can sing their school song louder than the other team and Shaw pushes Root, who is standing beside her, to yell as loud as she can. She puts two hands on the girl’s shoulders encouragingly until Root rolls her eyes and shouts super, super loud.  _Atta girl_. 

When Reese makes it onto the field for the first time and the announcer calls out his player number: Shaw, Root and Finch all shouted embarrassingly loud for him.

“What are you drinking?” Finch looked over at Shaw, noticing something shiny glinting off of the sunlight in her hands.

“N-nothing.”

“Where’d you get that?” Root demanded. Shaw held the bear-shaped flask in her hand and then shrugged guiltily.

“OH my God, Shaw. What!?!?! Did you just ignore everything you learned during Freshmen Year Orientation week—like don’t drink out of random flasks?” Root looked so concerned that it momentarily dazed Shaw. Also, she’s pretty sure she didn’t even go to her freshman orientation week but oops.

“It was free…” she said, looking like a petulant kid. Finch confiscated the flask from Shaw quickly and put it into his bag. Root was still shaking her head in angry disapproval from over his shoulder as they heard roars from the crowd behind them.

Finch was also keeping it in case the alcohol actually was laced with something and needed to be analyzed, later, in his lab. Unless she died.

 

 

_At almost-halftime…_

 

“I’m so jealous.”

“What?”

Shaw’s eyes watched as 41 hit 21 into the ground and the whole stadium could hear the  _crack_  of bodies colliding like thunder. The sun was beating down on everyone’s heads but people were focused on the game. Really enjoying it. Shaw was enjoying it too— _the violence,_ Hell; she could practically  _feel_  that tackle.

“Sometimes a girl wants to crack some skulls too, Finch.”

Next to them another cheer started and the cheerleaders went out onto the grass. Shaw recognized the girl Reese had suggested she befriend, a blonde girl named Martine who was apparently transferred in from a school in France. Looked a bit uppity though, not sure how Reese was  _so sure_  they’d get along. Shaw looked over at Root who was watching the dance moves. She rolled her eyes but then clapped along. They danced to a remix of Beyoncé’s ‘ _Single Ladies’_  and it kept everyone momentarily distracted.

“Who’s that?” Root asked, her eyes following where Shaw’s had.

“Oh, that’s Martine.” Shaw’s not sure what else to say (because she doesn’t really have much else to say) but Root looks suddenly preoccupied by her own thoughts anyway so it doesn’t really seem like she needs to add anything.  **John’s playing today? Send me a picture!**  –  **Joss**.

 

Shaw took her phone out and snapped a photo of Reese out on the field… well an ant-sized version of him running about in purple and blue.

 

 **S: Here you go**.

**J: What’s the score?**

**S: 7-7**.

**J: Oh baby. Send me a selfie?**

 

Shaw thought about it then turned to Finch, “She wants a picture of us.”

Root looked over, “I can take it.”

“I want you in it too.” So Shaw went and asked one of the boys next to them to take a photo of her, Finch and Root. She stretched out lazily between them and they all smiled as the camera flashed. The boy gave Shaw the phone back with a nervous grin and she sent the photo to Joss. When she looked down on the screen she had to admit they looked like your average group of college kids, Finch was freezing up a little in front of the photo but the poor dude often looked uncomfortable in photos. He was photo-cursed. Root’s hair had been getting more and more mussed by the wind but Shaw had to admit she still looked pretty damn cute in all of their school paraphernalia.

 

**J: I love it!**

 

“If we  _win_  we’re drinking hard and if we _lose_  we’re drinking even harder!” Shaw told Finch. He grimaced. And the cheers inside the stadium grew louder as a player intercepted the ball.

  

Later they go outside to wait outside the stadium for a little break. Shaw waits by the back of one of the campus buildings where the streets get narrower and a dark wall is hidden behind the large fencing. Then she sees someone smoking a cigarette so she asks to bum one. If she can’t have stranger booze at least she can smoke a little (she’s Pre-Med and not a doctor  _yet_ and plus the more something is trying to kill her the more Shaw tends to  _like_  it.) Root comes and crouches down beside her. 

“Oh look, Shaw’s trying to die again. Must be a Tuesday.”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you,” Root shakes her head even before Shaw finishes, “Then you could have my spot.”

“I’ll fight with you for the spot because I like to see you get all… _kinky_  about it,” Shaw rolls her eyes at her, “ _But_  I’d rather challenge you in other ways.”

“Being around you is challenging enough,” Shaw retorts.

“Admit it, you like me.” Root says, smile peeking back out from all the black painted marks she has underneath her eyes. She looks like she got lost inside the merch store and came out in all blue, purple and brown. Shaw doesn’t dignify her statement with a response though, just makes a half-grimace face thingie and then inhales more smoke. But  _maybe_ Root is actually kinda cooler than she originally thought and her original idea of the girl as cute-nerd wasn’t even that bad either. She could even imagine nerdy Root in a pair of glasses and probably rocking the ‘studious’ look but she doesn’t let herself linger on that image too long since it seems like it crosses the line between thinking and  _outright fantasizing_. Root looks at her back though, face curious.

“I don’t like anyone.”

“Except _Bear_.”

“ _Except Bear_.”

“And sometimes me,” Root added jokingly. Shaw let the girl scootch in next to her, no longer hunching over with awkwardly long legs. She handed her the cigarette but Root took one puff and then had a coughing fit. (Which okay, is the sole reason Shaw let her try in the first place…)

She kind of enjoyed these moments too. Where it was just her and another person hanging out in silence. Or  _almost_ -silence. Across from them in the parking lot is a big group of fans from the other team and they are all worked up over their increasingly bad odds of winning. Shaw smirks.

 

She sees them looking at her and she shouts: “Go Bears!”

 

One of the dudes walks over and Shaw can see that he has a weird-skeaze-charm thing going on. He’s tall with brown-hair and a cocky smile that she’d love to wipe right off his stupid face.

“Ladies,” he greets and he has an English accent.

“We’re a little far from England aren’t we?”

“The poor level of manners you’ve exhibited has shown me just that, but I thought perhaps a few attractive girls like you would like the chance to spend the night with the real winners. Maybe we can even bet on it?” He stretched his arms out and smiled again, wider. Shaw snorted then looked between him and Root who looked just as pissed as Shaw did. 

“We’re not going to sleep with you over a bet, asshole.” Shaw replied.

“I wasn’t suggesting-”

“Yeah you totally were.” Root agreed.

The man didn’t look phased. “Just putting the offer on the table.” 

“Yo Lambert!”

One of his douchey friends pops over and swings an arm over the now-named Lambert’s red and white jersey. Shaw cringes because she’s not sure what she ever did to have to tolerate these douchebags’ and their presence but she could also feel Root ready to pounce next to her and that made her strangely happy.

“Are these bitches being rude to you?” The guy asked with a laugh. There was a beer in his hand and he accidentally spilt some of it onto Lambert’s fancy shirt. The sleaze seemed to really be upset about that as he wiped at the new stain but he didn’t say anything.

“Your friend is a real ladykiller.” Root stood up and smiled sweetly at the two. Then she put her hands on her hips. Lambert-guy looked confused.

“Oh really?” His buddy grinned.

“We just couldn’t resist.”

“Dude.” His friend looked between Shaw and Root like he’d just found $300 on the ground. Shaw rolled her eyes at him.

“He said I could punch him in the face if I wanted to.”

“Wha-”

 

 _Okay, so the rest of this happened in goddamn slow motion—_ Shaw promises that. She swears that Root’s fist was moving at the pace of a dainty butterfly on the breeze and that Shaw’s eyes moved along with it as her fist was colliding with Lambert’s face. Shaw’s mouth was hanging open.

 

ROOT was a FUCKING badass.

 

A BADASS.

 

And then time sped up again.

“Bitch!” He struck her back, hard and before Shaw could think about it she was jumping in between them and pushing him into the ground. His little buddy was leaning over him and checking his face and cooing in concern. She was  _so not drunk enough to handle this_.

 

She turned around and Root’s face looked like she was about to kill this dude. Her eyes, bright and _different_ in ways Shaw’s sure she’s never seen on anyone else before. Like there’s a hidden ocean of anger underneath all that pretty-and-calm and Shaw can relate to that. She really can.

 

And Root also had a big red welt on her upper cheek.

(It’s bad Shaw finds that hot right. Like  _really, really, really_  bad?) 

“This isn’t over.” Lambert said but Shaw was a hundred percent sure that had come out in a pitiful whimper and the two bros were making it for their own side of camp. Shaw turned around to face Root, radiant smile on her face.

“You!” She moved in closer and touched the mark on her face carefully. She probably could go find some ice to put on that. Doctor her up, real good. Root looked like she’d calmed down a little bit (at least from murderous to  _alert_ ) and Shaw felt the wild pumping of her pulse underneath the light touch.

 

Shit. She was  _impressed_. Seriously.

 

This girl was really holding back. She didn’t know she could hit or that she’d  _want_  to hit stuff. Now that they had in common! Shaw loved hitting stuff, could talk about it for hours. I mean, she’d even told them that she liked guns and stuff, right? That’s what she had in common with the sorority girls at their rush mixer. Root should be way more forthcoming about her ability to punch dumb dudes in the face. It’s definitely a pro.

“You never told me you could hit.  _That was amazing_. You are amazing!” Her voice, marveling.

But she was brought back to Earth when Root’s eyes hadn’t left hers and were still steeled with whatever adrenaline was pumping through restless veins. She hadn’t moved or made Shaw move her hand either.

 

“ _Then kiss me already_.” She gritted out.

“Wha-“

 

Shaw felt it before she registered it and then her back was colliding with the brick behind the stadium fencing. Root had her lips on hers and her hands on her waist and she hadn’t really been paying any attention because  _fuck_.

“You like violence too?” Shaw pulled apart and asked with a cheeky grin on her face. She really was asking.

Root gave a frustrated groan and then pulled her in again, this time more gently as she cupped her hands around Shaw’s head and maneuvered herself so that their bodies pressed together and created a weird friction of jeans against jeans and the denim of Shaw’s ass against brick. Shaw let out a hot breath when she felt a leg push between hers and settle there.

 

Fuck. Fuck. This was bad.

(But good, amirite?)

(NO.)

 

This was happening too fast. Shaw had been too flustered to really start kissing back but one hard bite on her lips and the taste of her own blood in her mouth and she was  _DOOMED_. She pulled Root close then shoved her so that she was pushing her into the wall instead. She bit Root’s lip in retaliation. And hard.

She could feel the shudder run through the other girl’s body. Root’s eyes flickered open, half-lidded. Well this was a fun game of ‘guess what we’re both super into and surprise! It’s pain!’ Shaw bit her again and felt the strangled hum of pleasure coming out from the brunette’s mouth. 

She pressed her fingertips hard into the girl’s arms and pushed them away where they couldn’t touch her, the heartbeat underneath her was still beating wildly and Shaw felt that familiar flicker and tug of adrenaline pulling in herself again, drawing her in. She couldn’t let it go. She was feeding off of Root’s energy, fueling herself with it.

Shaw held Root against the wall while she thought about all the fun ways she could go about torturing her. She moved the girl’s hands onto her own ass and leaned in: “You miss this?” She pressed the hands hard and even if it was meant to disarm Root this plan had embarrassing backfired on her because Shaw’s the one who let out a long shaky breath.

 

Root grinned smugly.

 

“Shit,” Shaw muttered under her breath. Her mind was getting fuzzy and that feeling tugging so delightfully in her stomach. She was too impatient in bed normally to suddenly be good at teasing. Shaw should have known. She jumped before she could leap—or run before she could walk, whatever.

“ _Looks like you did_.” Root leans in and says, voice a little raspy—but she also adds, “First time I got to touch it though.”  (And she was right). They hadn't gotten to one of her preferred areas last time. Shaw enjoyed the way Root’s hands felt there, holding her but not pushing to do more.

She kept her hands on Root’s on herself but leaned in close. Mouths so, so close. It was agonizing for Root to wait as she was pressed against the wall and staring at Shaw's eyes, they also had the bad luck of being surrounded by a bunch of screaming fans who could walk past that at any section which neither one had the mental capacity to worry about.

“ _Fuck you_.” Root freed her hands and pulled Shaw back against her mouth hard, kept whispering it:  _fuck you, fuck you, fuck you_.

Shaw laughed throatily. Her voice was getting fucking thick. She could still taste secret!flask alcohol and smoke and she felt like she was slowly taking back all the air from Root’s lungs. This was quickly becoming a day where Shaw had indulged in at least half of her usual vices. Root might be a completely new category of vices if she was being honest though.

“ _Fuck you,_  why,” Root was pressing against her so hard it hurt. Sweet, wonderful hurt. “Didn’t-you-“

Shaw scratched her nails hard into the girl’s scalp, getting a satisfying whimper in return. Root’s hair was dangling wildly in front of her face and her cheeks reddening, her eyes a little blown. Shaw felt a real source of pride at that.

“Didn’t I what?” She asked with a teasing smile.

“… kiss me again sooner?” Shaw blinked and Root’s face was so painfully intense sometimes…it was too much emotion, too  _alive_. And when Root looked at her and she felt that weird sense of responsibility she felt around the goon squad... what people wanted from her or how people approached her with a gentle smile, a loving look… and it threw her the hell off. It really messed with her. Shaw could fuck someone to oblivion if that’s what her partner wanted and it’d be her pleasure really but emotion was too tricky.

 

She wasn’t answering and probably just looked like an idiot standing there and twiddling her thumbs not sure what to say.

From the bleachers they heard loud screaming and Shaw could hear the confetti blasts cannons going off.

 

 _Game over_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BE AGGRESSIVE  
> B-E AGGRESSIVE!!!
> 
> Lyrics for this chapter are from Lana Del Rey's "Jealous Girl". I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter :) It's a little short in comparison to some of the ones before and after (although not too short I guess!) and I have some future updates already but I'm think I need to figure out a upload/schedule/timeframe. Not sure how to do it yet!!!! :P Happy Saturday!


	5. ** Do I have to write it on your bedroom wall, you fool? **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha so much madness ahead and below! There’s a few references to other fics in this piece! AND SHAW KNOWS FRENCH MWAHAHAHA, mind you I’m not a French-speaker so I probably messed it up (hopefully not!). ALSO BUMPING THE RATING UP FOR MENTIONS OF DRUG USE.

“You look like shit,”

“ _Thanks Shaw_ , je suis occupied.”

“ _Vous ne pouvez parler Français.”_

“Wish you were here,” Carter flashed a big smile, “There’s plenty of single men…I even met this guy, Tomas. Really think you’d like him. Has the ass of a Greek statue.” 

Shaw edged further away on her chair as she looked at the crappy video feed. The image of Joss buzzed and distorted momentarily before squeezing back to normal. She looked around at the apartment where it had gotten dark and Shaw hadn’t really bothered to put more than one light on and also her side of the place was a mess while Joss’ ignored areas were just like she’d left them. Perfect and neat.

“I’m kind of done with that right now.”

“What? That doesn’t sound like the Shaw I know…” Joss grinned and maybe it was just the bad video feed but there were specks of white light in the black space behind her, almost like clusters of stars surrounding her head.

“No more random hookups. Not so good for me.” She left her words spare and for the most part it was true. Shaw wasn’t interested in seeing anyone. The booty calls, the whatevers, she was determined to take a break and focus on the hours of work she had left to do for her classes. She had shit to think about. Boys were a nuisance and plus a small part of her that she was not currently acknowledging also kind of… felt like… it wouldn’t be the same. There wouldn’t be any fire to it and she wouldn’t feel like she had before when she’d been hooking up and then it would make her feel panicked and she’d have to address things that Shaw was in no way ready to address.

 

So for now, it was better to be alone.

“Well I’ve got some souvenirs for you when I get back and I picked up a new suit for John and it’s nice! He’ll love it. Once I get back in the States we’ll get it tailored and Finch… I wish I could bring him back the pastries here, there’s a bakery I know he’d love. If only he were a billionaire I’d tell him to fly right up here immediately and bring you three with him.”

“And Root.”

Joss teased her, “Don’t be moving on too much, girl! I’m still supposed to be your _best_ friend. Now it’s like I’ve gotta watch my back or something. There’s only room for one best friend I don’t stand for that multiple best friends stuff…”

Shaw smiled and let out a long exaggerated sigh.

“You better not be skipping out on me!” Joss accused.

“I don’t even like you,” Shaw muttered.

“Hey!”

“You cook well is all.”

“Je suis pissed!”

“ _Va te faire mettre_ _._ ”

“I don’t know what you just said but it better have been, ‘I miss you, Jocelyn’.” Carter wagged an angry finger in front of the video camera. Shaw nodded absently along with her words, her mind getting distracted. Then Joss asked, “How do you know so many languages anyway?”

“I make a point of it to know how to insult people in every language.”

“ _Wow_.” Languages, guns and violence came all too easily to Shaw. She grinned at the screen, leaning in closer just to distort the view of her face. Shaw was kinda hungry because even though she’d stolen all that food a few weeks ago most of it was shit and she was also kind of a big-eater. So it was time to either steal more or _actually_ _go grocery shopping_. Which she was pretty sure she’d never do. Unless she did it the day before Joss came back just to put on the appearance that everything went the exact same without her. 

She could hear loud European dance music playing behind Joss so she leaned in to her webcam again to raise an eyebrow. Joss frowned.

“It’s this Russian kid from Freshman year, Mike Laskey. He stays up all night listening to shitty club music and then passes out on the couch with a bunch of Four Loko… which is _driving me loco_ to say the least.” She leaned in and whispered quietly, “Also kind of a teacher’s pet.”

Shaw scrunched her face up, “Ew.”

“I’m doing my very baddest and bestest to not kill him myself.”

“Good for you. Dealing with all that anger management.”

“Us angry girls have to learn how to deal.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“She’s going to kill me, Harold. Shaw’s going to make me lose my mind and then she’s going to be the death of me and—“ Root was pacing back and forth on the rug in his apartment. Finch was pretty sure he’d never seen the young genius fret so hard before and it was clearly a little bit of his fault so he felt even guiltier. Bear walked over with a dinosaur-sized dog chew (courtesy of Ms. Shaw) in his mouth and plopped down by his feet. He was impressed with the amount of things Ms. Shaw could buy Bear even on her low budget.

“Well I suppose Ms. Shaw can be rather difficult.”

“That’s the understatement of the century.”

“But for those of us who, er, like her company we’ve come to really enjoy the quirks that make Shaw who she is. She’s defiant, yes. She’s a little secretive too which I suppose I am as well—” Finch looked worriedly at his cup of tea then continued, “But she’s… truly great and I think she’ll probably end up ruling the world someday, somehow.”

Root flinched and then rushed over to take a seat beside him. Clearly he wasn’t at the ‘root’ of her agitation yet because all the words he’d meant to be soothing were only setting her off more and more. Finch was sometimes not so good at this. 

She looked thoughtfully at Harold and then asked, “Has it always been like this?” Root wondered if maybe someone had broken Shaw’s heart before now. No one just became this jaded overnight and the more Root wondered about this mysterious possible person the more she felt like finding them and burning them to the ground. (All this before even knowing if they even existed.)

“No.” Harold answered back. He’d thought about it for a moment but only to please Root. He was 100% certain Shaw had always been against serious relationships.

 

Root pressed on: “What we she like Freshmen year?”

“Pretty much like how she is now, Ms. Groves,” Harold smiled, “She wasn’t friends with Reese or Joss though, she was a loner. She was friends with another boy in the computer sciences department, a boy named Cole. But he’s been expelled.”

“Friends?” Root asked doubtfully.

“Well it was friendship from Shaw’s end since he seemed like the only other student she could tolerate but Cole was madly in love with her. Anyone could tell. And when he left… I think that changed things until Sophomore year when she met Jocelyn after they were assigned as roommates.” Harold remembered hearing that they’d not gotten along with each other at first. Jocelyn often hid out at John’s place so that she could get a break from the fighting and shouting matches. By junior year, however, they were always at parties together—Joss talking and dancing with the crowds while Shaw hung out in a corner and drink by herself. There was also an infamous fire incident but he wasn’t supposed to talk about that and the time someone spent the night with Shaw but became infatuated with Joss when he met her the next morning and there was also a party they threw at their place during finals that somehow involved stolen mannequin heads…

Meanwhile, Root’s mind was back to thinking about this Cole guy. Just exactly how many hearts had Shaw broken and why did she feel like hers was next on the chopping block? 

She let out a tired sigh and sunk into the back of Harold’s chair.

Harold watched her and smiled. He was glad that the fake friendship they’d had to fool him was slowly forming into what seemed to be a _true_ bond. It made him happy and he knew that later on he and John could safely tell Joss not to worry. Root seemed devoted to maintaining this relationship and he knew if she could put half the care she put into spending time with Sam Shaw that she put into her computer coding—he’d have nothing to worry about.

His own work was very much in need of his time but Harold let it wait. He could sit and listen and so could Bear.

“I’m happy to listen as long as you need, Ms. Groves-”

“-Root.”

“ _Root_ but John might also have some helpful words.”

 

Root nodded and pulled her pack over her shoulder. She thanked Harold then gathered the rest of her things and left.

If only she could hack into a certainsomeone’s thought patterns then maybe she could slowly unravel those deep, intricate threads of thought and spool them into something _she could actually understand_. Machines were so reliable. Sameen was _so_ unpredictable. One minute she was kissing you, the next she was acting aloof. There were no calculations she could make, no sciences to perfect. She just had to dig her heels in and _stay_. Root was slowly finding out that she really, really wanted to do that. _I’d write all your papers_ , she thought, _I’d pass all your tests and hack the computer mainframe and hand the Valedictorian spot over to you in a heartbeat_.

She was so gone for her. Sameen had Root eating out of the palms of her hands and she had no idea.

 _Sameen_.

Root went back to her dorm, which was a crappy little single on campus. It was sparsely decorated and likely to stay that way since Root was usually too preoccupied with her laptop to get around to it... despite her access to unlimited funds. The room had a few posters on the walls, _a lot_ of computer equipment and a few other nice basic necessities that Root liked to have around her room but the most important part of picking this single was it had the best Wi-Fi on campus. She settled across her bed and gave herself a moment to sulk before pushing herself to get back to work. Her window was open but only the smallest amount to keep the air from growing stale. It wasn’t as warm here as it was during the summers in Texas and Root had found that her body never truly adjusted to the temperatures. She liked to stay warm. 

She jumped under her pile of blankets and she couldn’t help but have her mind wander back to the game and phantom grip of hands pulling her closer, kisses and bites and—she moved her arms up to see the faint bruises left by Sameen’s fingertips, the only proof she even had that this wasn’t somehow all made up in her own mind or just a _really_ vivid fantasy.

“Siri, play sad music.”

“S-A-D MUSIC PLAYLIST 1 OR SAD MUSIC GENRE?” The machine beeped and bleated back at her. Root had used the voice activation software off of her phone to hook it up to her laptop but it still responded to ‘Siri’. She saw the screen scrolling through her itunes playlists: 1. _Working, 2. Bad Girls Do It Well, 3. Sad Music Playlist, 4. Video Game Killing Spree_. The last one was a bit manic. She loved games where she could shoot people though but Root had a tendency to get bored with games very quickly—they were just too easy to hack into and win (a weird hobby she’s kept since her childhood whenever she touches a videogame).

“Online.” An internet browser was pulled up and Root felt her stomach aching again. Having feelings was so unfair. Why did she have to have feelings again? She dropped back onto the mattress and threw a pillow over her face. She gave up and asked it: “Siri, play The Smiths.”

‘ _Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want’_ played from the speakers and Root knew it was cliché but it was too late for her anyway.

She was just a phantom ethereal spirit floating in a pile of misery. Time to wallow.

She heard a knock on her door that made her jump up. She didn’t think anyone really knew where she lived. She’d told Harold but no one else had cared to ask…

“It’s open," She called out.

“Woah, what’s this sad shit? Turn it off.” Shaw slammed the door shut and busted in like she owned the place. She kicked off her boots and then took a spot next to Root—who noticed that she had a heavy basic fabric pack slung over her shoulder. Shaw lifted the pack then dropped it to the ground with a loud, metallic clang as the heavy bag fell. 

“You haven’t talked to me in _a week_.” Root said. She tried to keep the angry tone out of her voice but she couldn’t help it. She was sad but she was also pissed because _she’d done nothing wrong._ AND even if she had been wrong to kiss Sameen (which she wasn’t) then it was still Sameen who started it the first and second times.

Shaw looked over her shoulder at her, black strands spreading against her back and Root’s eyes dipped down to look at her shoulders and the fair share of cleavage Sameen had brought to her door.

“But…I brought… beer...” Shaw lifted her bag up hopefully and grabbed out a six-pack of Budweiser cans to show off. Root shook her head, unimpressed.

“And I can DJ some better shit for you to listen to. Stuff that won’t melt your ears off.”

“Keep trying. You really know how to give a girl a _fun_ time.” She said flatly.

Shaw tilted her head and narrowed her brows.

“If you really want me to leave then just keep blasting _The Smiths_ and I’ll be on my way out in no time.”

Root scooted closer and accepted the beer. Having Shaw around her was better than sitting here and stressing over the girl so she took a long sip and then made eyes at Shaw to do the same.

Shaw laid down with her head half-dangling off the bed. Root watched the parts of her shirt that rid up around her stomach with careful eyes and took another, longer sip. She felt like she was going to need to be at least _half_ as drunk as Sameen was the first night they met to handle this. Shaw was talking about her science lab and someone spilling chemicals on their shirt. 

“Did you have to strip? You know, for decontamination?” she teased.

 

Shaw snorted.

 

“The boy _did_ and I had to hang behind him and hold the shower sprayer. It was the highlight of my week of course—and then you know how Reese has been getting those weirdly sexual messages under his door... we waited outside his dorm room just to see and…”

Root was trying to hang onto every word but she also was staring at her lips as she talked. She liked when Shaw talked more than usual (even if it was because she was tipsy), she smiled down at the girl and nodded her head attentively. When Shaw realized Root was about fifty words behind whatever it is she was saying, she frowned but kept going with her story.

“Are you like a lightweight?” she asked afterwards though.

“I’ll be anything you want me to be.”

Shaw rolled her eyes but smiled and handed her another beer. She took Root’s empty can and started arranging a little aluminum tower. Root kicked it down. The cans scattered onto the floor making a soft ringing sound. 

Root put the new can to her lips but she still had the sore spot Shaw had bitten into it and so she let out a quiet noise of pain when it touched it. Shaw stiffened then peeked up before closing her eyes again, very pointedly ignoring her all the sudden. _Hmm_ _interesting_ … Root filed that under: things to try out later.

She would be embarrassed to admit it but Root really _didn’t_ have much experience. When she was a kid there’d been nothing particularly interesting about dating. She grew serious fast—went from being a kid to being a violent, isolated, pissed off person. Someone who looked at human beings and _only saw evil_ , only saw violence and chaos and monsters hiding under your bed. Someone who couldn’t bring herself to trust authority. Root was _too smart_ for therapists she didn’t trust and hell, she probably could list the contents of the DSM better than they could. She’d learned to hide that though and keep it buried where not everyone could touch it. Anger wasn’t something you forgot and it wasn’t something you just gave up. She carried it like a sickness except deeper than just anger, it was _pure anger_ like wrath, like agony. She became good at lying and good at pretending to be okay and eventually the mask seemed to settle and it was a lie she got _too_ good at.

 

That was a process that had taken everything she had in her and it didn’t make her someone people could be very comfortable around until a long time… she went to college because she was too smart for high school and everyone else she met kept cooing over how much younger she was, they thought she was going to act young but Root had seen too much to ever be young again.

Her first kiss was with Hanna and it had been the innocent, questioning kiss of youth. But it felt like so much more for her.

Then there was a kiss when she was in middle school and had been forced to play spin the bottle. She doesn’t know why she was even at that party. Everyone else was so nervous and Root had agreed because she was the only one who _wasn’t_ , she accepted Peter Bergman’s kiss and it wasn’t bad and it wasn’t good.

Then there was more _stuff_ and that had been fun and someone had even told her that she was a really good kisser. She kind of knew that already (Root’s always been a fast-learner) and she’d also been more preoccupied with her computer than she had been on going out and partying for the last years at college. So at the end of the day, she had very little experience.

Shaw rolled over onto her stomach to reach the computer keys. She typed in and found a new playlist and the small dorm room filled up with noise. Missy Elliot’s _‘Work It_ ’.

“I hate you,” Root joked. Shaw rolled back onto her back and Root noticed that she seemed tired tonight. She probably was supposed to be studying right now… Root leaned back against her own pillows.

“Do you have any weed?”

“No.”

“Cigarettes?” Shaw looked desperate which Root was enjoying.

“No.”

“I was going to suggest we shotgun it.”

“Here’s my stash…” she answered back quickly. Root leaned over to reach into the desk drawer, Shaw’s eyebrows shot up. She pulled out the small box and propped it open. It wasn’t really a stash. Someone at a party handed her the joint they’d already rolled and walked off without noticing. She hadn’t smoked before more than once but held onto it anyway. Root put it into Shaw’s hand. _‘Baby Got Back’_ started blasting and Shaw kinda grinned mischievously.

“You know the last time this song played I preformed a strip tease for some guy…want to see my dance?” She asked in a particularly casual tone.

Root felt a quick jolt in her stomach but she kept a straight face.

 

“ _No_.”

 

Sameen laughed. The sound of it deep but her face clearly not offended. Just amused.

 

She could tell when someone was just playing with her. Root was slowly becoming a ‘Shaw’ expert and there was a huge difference between Sameen playing with her food and the Sameen who was _actually_ affected by something, which is when she got quiet and her eyes got lost in deep thought. Which was really, really cute.

Sameen stood up to retrieve a set of matches Root had left on the table by the candles she had but wasn’t supposed to have because of dorm fire safety policy, Shaw came back and popped the end of the free joint into Root’s mouth. She leaned over to light it with a match.

“Inhale,” she coached. Root did and then she sputtered, coughing hard like before.

“Now pass.” Shaw reached her hand out towards her but Root ignored it and breathed more in. Shaw groaned and then plucked it away from her fingers.

“Do you smoke a lot?” Root asked her.

“Nah.”

“Stay still…”

“Why?”

Root leaned over where Shaw had laid back down and slowly blew the hot smoke against her lips. It took a second for the girl to react but she moved her mouth open and leaned in closer.  The smoke mostly went into the air but the room filled with heat as Root sat in silence, both legs wrapped around Sameen underneath her. She stayed stock-still but didn’t allow the girl any room to move either.

 

Finally after the silence got unbearable (for Sameen) she spoke up.

 

“ _You’re pissed_.”

“You’re correct.”

 

Root put the end of the rolled joint out on the box she’d kept it in. She’d remembered her window wasn’t really open enough to be smoking in her dorm room but she also didn’t feel like moving from her spot to go close it. Shaw groaned but stayed silent too. 

“We’re at a standstill then,” Shaw concluded and Root thought maybe she was right because she was pushing for something that Shaw couldn’t give her - which the girl laying underneath her didn’t even seem to _understand_ Root wanted. Sameen was used to instigating whatever it is she wanted then letting the chips fall where they may. Root figured that as hard as they both tried to get the other to budge—no one wanted to be the first to back down.

“Looks like it,” Root licked the bottom of her lip where the bite mark was still red and felt a soft sting of pain. Shaw stared at the small action and Root could happily feel the older girl shift underneath her uncomfortably. She wished she actually had the upper hand she appeared to have at the moment.

 

(And maybe she could.)

 

She brushed her lips back in a more feral smile, carefully admiring the train wreck human underneath her, squirming but not allowed to squirm because Root kept her in place. She’d let Sameen take the wheel and all she did so far was drive them off a bridge. Why couldn’t Root be in charge for once? 

“I don’t do _feelings_ , Root.” Sameen bit back. Her eyes burned and it made Root wonder if maybe she was pushing again, pushing too hard and too soon. But then again she liked the results. She could use anger.

“Then you won’t _do me.”_

“Who says I want to?” Sameen huffed.

But Root’s response to that was to grind down hard on her and she got to enjoy the efforts of her labor when she heard Sameen’s squeak of surprise. Responsive hips met her own and she watched the older girl’s lips twist open to release a hot pant. Suddenly Root craved being even closer, wishing the stubborn girl would relent so they could both have their fun.

She wasn’t gonna give it up for the first time to this beautiful idiot unless she got some kind of promise in return. Even though half of her brain was screaming to shut up and just start ripping her clothes off already. Stupid brain. Root pouted then rubbed her thumb along Sameen’s bottom lip.

 

“ _Root_ ,” the girl gritted out (and it was not the receptive tone to the action the brunette had been secretly hoping for…) but Shaw’s face looked torn.

 

“C’mon, Sameen…” she couldn’t move her eyes back up to Shaw’s though. She was getting lost in the soft touch underneath her fingertips, remembered how they’d felt on hers only a week ago.

 

If she didn’t get her head back in the game she was going to lose but then she realized…

“Okay, Shaw.” She removed her hands and straightened up her back. Her heart was quietly aching inside of her chest but Root could be a good soldier when she needed to be. She knew when to sacrifice and when to leave a piece of you behind for the greater goal: **_get into Sameen Shaw’s pants_**. Risks, she’d taken. Sacrifices… not so much.

But Sameen had her rules, her dumb dumb dumb dumb rules. Personally Root wasn’t very interested in rules, she liked to code around them. Hack them. Break them and remake them until they belonged to her. Just her.

Shaw looked at her, still looking suspicious and uncomfortable.

 

“No emotions.” She lied easily.

Shaw blinked.

“What?”

“We do it your way.” _For now_.

“My way?” Shaw looked around, confused. Root almost pitied that expression but she wasn’t the type of girl to spell things out for people. 

“Just sex, or you know, _whatever_.” She made it sound like an easy time, a no-strings thing. Sameen nodded along slowly, finally getting it. Her brain went into overdrive and Root enjoyed the view as the girl thought it over. 

“Friends with benefits?” Sameen asked and Root could see her lips twitching up into what she’s sure would have become a big goofy grin had Sameen not stopped herself. Root swung around so that she was no longer keeping the girl restrained, pulling her legs back to her to hold against her chest.

“Yeah,” Root answered unenthusiastically. Call it whatever. Finch wanted them to be friends. Sameen wanted them to be friends with benefits. Root wanted Sameen. So if all those puzzle pieces and bargaining chips had to be pulled out and rearranged then… okay.

The silence between them became strange and heavy. Root chewed on the unmarked part of her lip as she sifted through her thoughts and waited. Sad. Disappointed. It felt like she was back to hiding that big part of her that she had never really wanted to hide—Root kept a lot of her life in secret places, underneath encryptions and inside of vaults—but she’d never had to hide her sexuality or her feelings for a person before. Those parts of her life were usually open books.

“Deal then!” This time, the big happy grin was back and Root couldn’t help but let out a small smile… even though she still felt a sad pang in her chest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS! :D  
> I made a playlist to go along with the beginning of my fic and onwards! (here's a link
> 
>  
> 
> <http://8tracks.com/wolfwars/bombs-go-off-when-i-enter-the-building> ) I have 2 playlists planned and the first one is from the perspective of college!shaw on a wild night out (where of course she runs into Root, gets schwasty goes on a bit of a binge and then request 90's hip-hop! it's fun. my root planned one is less about the party life and more about the romance!life but that's later on. :) ] anyway, enjoy! song lyric is from Banks' 'Bedroom wall'.


	6. When I get to where I’m going, gonna have you trembling

_Stalking is bad_. Stalking is very, very bad. Stalking someone’s Facebook is a total invasion of privacy—and looking thru their photos? _Even worse_. But worse than that and worse than looking through someone’s social media… 

 _Okay so hacking is bad_. Because unlike social media which Root never used and didn’t even really intend to use except for when her lab partners had asked her to make a page so they could contact her and work on their project together _and Root_ still hadn’t made a page because, instead, she did every last bit of the work on her own and got them all A’s… (she’s a genius and the work took her under a minute to complete) so she still hasn’t made one. She hacks people all the time and never feels bad about it and she’s also basically been in her genetic design to perfectly find and pick out flaws and use them to her advantage. She becomes attracted to code-flaws like bees to honey. People flaws are very obvious as well. The world so flawed. The world _so easy to hack._

So why was she sitting in front of her laptop in the library cafe and suddenly feeling a little bad about the idea of hacking someone’s files? 

Why would Sameen suddenly be off limits when no one else on the planet was? Was it creepy if she scrolled through the official documents and details of her friend’s life as though she was using Facebook? Or even how people use Tumblr and Twitter and those other bits and pieces that she sometimes collected like house keys into the more sophisticated lockings and trappings of the electronic world? She could hack and break those sites and turn the information around to break into bigger things in a person’s life: email addresses, social security numbers, bank accounts, wired money, ect.

 

 _She did it anyway_.

 

Because she’s out of control. Sameen wouldn’t know unless she let Sameen know and if that made the girl kind of mad then there was an added perk to that as well. Because Sameen was hot but she was even hotter when she was mad. She’s not surprised she’s hacking information about her crush, she’s more surprised that it’s taken this long for Root to do it and that she’s feeling slightly bad about it. But they also declared war a few days ago in the tiny, smoky dorm bed in her room so technically she should be free to do anything if it means gaining an advantage on her opponent. 

First, it’s grades and Sameen has _almost_ perfect grades. Root smiles to herself because she can just imagine that B+ haunting Sameen’s dreams at bed every night. (She wishes _she_ haunted her dreams instead...) Then she sees pictures and credit card charges and telephone numbers and Root doesn’t discard the information but she ignores it for now.

The most interesting thing she finds after her basic search is over is so tiny and obfuscated that Root is sure many other hackers would have missed it. It’s a piece of a report that’s hidden on anonymous servers and the details on the emails are written with codenames and secret terms but not the messages themselves. It’s a little note in a bottle and it’s swaying on the future, a sea of black. She sees that people have put Sameen Shaw up on their list for recruiting. ISA is fighting for it the hardest but not the only branch of government that has taken notice. Root feels an uncomfortable stirring in her stomach as she pictures it: Shaw one day walking along in the hallways of a hospital in her white lab coat when two men in suits approach her. Tell her she can change the world if only she chose to work for them. Sameen being recruited. ‘ _Prospect shows tendencies of delayed emotional responses or no visible responses at all. Prospect has medical field knowledge and experience with firearms. Scores high in IQ testing and has acquired fluency in several languages... is highly disciplined and intuitive._ ’ The facts went on and on and Root realized that maybe she shouldn’t be surprised that someone else finds Sameen Shaw as brilliant as she does. The original sender has other files on her as well, like reports from her professors (many noting her detachment from some of the work) and even as far back as second grade when apparently: _“Sameen has thrown a marker at her teacher after refusing to color within the lines on her assignment. When she was sent to time-out, Sameen snuck out the window and walked back to her house…”_

 

“Sounds like her,” Root muttered to herself.

 

The replying email, someone whose user is still encoded to protect their privacy, laments her lack of military and combat experience. A quick email from the first user responds, saying: ‘ _Candidate for training- experience to trauma early childhood. Response minimal. Prospect: military lure._ ’ And if Root were a layperson reading these emails that would probably confuse the hell out of her but some part of her already knows what it’s saying: The possible recruit has experienced an early childhood trauma and can respond well under duress. And she knows the second half means that the original handler is invested in this possible recruitment and suggesting that they get the subject (Sameen) herself to sign up for the military sometime later down the line. Root can imagine the ways in which they might do it… she’s used similar tactics before. Sometimes it can be as simple as sending fake junk emails or putting a reward out or even going out of your way to meet someone in person and ‘lure’ them into doing something you want and then make them think it’s their own idea to do it. Usually for her, it’s just some ploy or scheme to play a prank or steal money. In this case, the government wants to make a possible asset more valuable.

 

Root puts the files away. She makes it look like no one else has ever laid eyes on them. She wishes she hadn’t because she knows this doesn’t change anything. Root can’t go ahead and tell people their futures and it’s not her place to stop them from happening either.

Plus, this next part doesn’t need hacking. She goes to google and types in a name and then she reads all about the car crash.

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

Root was going to be the _death of her_. Or she was going to have to _kill Root_. She wasn’t sure which yet. Things had gone 0 to 100 real quick (real quick, real fucking quick) and it was really cutting into her study time. Root was _distracting_. Root was like an infomercial that didn’t stop playing on your TV screen. 

She had to run away to the library because she knew that that’s the one place Root would never look for her (Shaw basically never went to the library and until this week and she hadn’t even really stepped foot in it before. It was actually pretty nice! Has food in it.) It was weird being on campus when she didn’t have to be but Shaw had found a perfectly good, secret hiding place in the library for her to study in. The almost abandoned stack of Native American history books, which Shaw found out, were really interesting. She had too much on her plate already but found herself sitting on the ground with her back to the stacks and flipping through _I Am The Fire of Time: The Voices Of The Native American Woman_ propped up against her legs.

She got distracted in the pages when she heard familiar footsteps and then saw the ghost of horny’s past slinking up in front of her. Root’s lips lifted into a knowing smirk.

Shaw sighs.

Because _of course_ this would happen because she picked the craziest chick she could find without even knowing—crazy and basically down for whatever every time she had a moment of free time. Well…whatever’s a lie. There’s tons of stuff they hadn’t done which made Shaw wonder if this is what those asshole boyfriends in the high school movies were always complaining about when they started using baseball analogies or whatever. Girls won’t sleep with me. Whine whine. But this whole operation was kind of the reverse of Shaw’s inner nature when it came to hookups. She was used to being naked in her bed doing the do and then _maybe_ , just maybe, _some_ foreplay afterwards. This was all fore and no play. But whatever.

“Hey baby,” Root practically crooned. The brunette was wearing a soft-looking finger hole sweater and holding her own pile of books—but it didn’t take long for the determined computer geek to put her books on the floor next to Shaw’s large stack and sit beside her. Leaving absolutely _no_ space between them. She also knew that Shaw hated being called ‘baby’ but that was a whole other thing. And babe. Shaw had almost punched her for saying ‘babe’.

“Look, Root. I know I’ve been kind of unavailable lately but I really have to get this work done before tomorrow so I can’t hang out right now.” Her voice was practically pleading and Shaw was definitely embarrassed about that. Root’s eyelashes were dark under the lowlighting and she was distracted by the fact that Root looked distracted. And now everyone’s all—distracted.

“Well then,” she coaxed, “I’ll help you. I’ve helped you before.”

“That—“ Shaw lifted the book she didn’t need to be reading and put it away and then pulled the science text back into her lap, “Isn’t gonna work and we both know it.”

“Why not?”

 

“Because…”

 

Root didn’t say anything and Shaw was so annoyed she had to bite her own tongue from saying too much. _Because you’re distracting! Because we’ll end up with our tongues in each other’s mouths! Because we both basically can’t act like normal human beings around each other and it’s ridiculous…_ and she was already feeling tempted to blow her study day away just in Root’s presence.

Her friend perked a brow up, waiting.

“You say we’re just friends and friends should be able to study together, right, Sam?”

 

Yep.

 

She was definitely gonna have to murder her, at least she had some medical training and that could be an advantage and a personality disorder too. Murder. It had to be murder. Root’s breathing beside her caught Shaw’s attention and she suddenly flashbacked to their last exchange (pre-hiding) when Root had basically shown up on her door with a pile of movies and a bowl of popcorn. The girl often said it was ‘friends night’ or whatever just to get Shaw away from the rest of their friends and… Shaw was not gonna lie… food was effective. They watched like five minutes of the movie before they were making out on the couch in her flat. Root had _really_ seemed to like the crop top she was wearing that day because otherwise it was usually shirt off first thing. Then credits were rolling and both girls, panting heavily and feeling way out of control, reluctantly pulled apart—okay, well maybe it was just Root. Shaw never made them cut out early it was always Nerdy McCutie’s idea. She was mouthing on the younger girl’s neck, hands tangled in brown curls when she suddenly heard a breathy, “Maybe it’s time we…we stop.” So she stopped (of course).

But she was secretly convinced this was all Root’s evil plan all-along. Keep Shaw distracted, sexually frustrated and busy (with her tongue) while Root coveted the Valedictorian spot and left her behind in the dust.

“Sure.” Shaw gruffed. Root perked up.

She flipped through the pages of Shaw’s very boring homework and helped her review through them.

Five seconds later and Shaw’s back is pressed to the dirty, gross carpet of the library floor with Root’s body on top of hers, burning kisses into the side of her neck. Shaw lets out a helpless squeak and then pulls her hair in retaliation. It feels so good though and Root’s once-soft kisses become rough bites and the harder she pulls on her hair, the harder the bites become. Root pushes a hand onto her thigh and Shaw feels nails poking into the fabric.

When did this girl get so good at this? She already feels out of breath and it’s only been like, five seconds. Shaw groans and then suddenly hands are going through her hair and tugging off her elastic tie (she’d had her hair up in a studious pony tail while she worked). Root moves away to look at the black tresses appreciatively.

(Shaw feels all kinds of wrong feelings at the way the girl is looking down at her.)

“Mmmm so soft.” Root leans down again and gives the barest touch of her lips to Shaw’s. Shaw moves up to bring them closer… but Root just arches away, quickly teasing. It feels nice as long fingers pull and then scratch at her scalp. Shaw closes her eyes.

“Not going to lie. Library’s always been a fantasy of mine,” Root tells her.

“ _Nerd._ ” Shaw teases. ‘That explains a lot about you’ she wants to add.

Basically she’d found the most tempting hiding spot she could have which was not good news to Shaw. She was so, so failing this semester. Her booty calls were not meant to _fail her_ , jeez. She liked the brevity of a bar hookup. This, on the other hand, was a dangerous entanglement she knew no longer how to…uh, untangle…herself from.

Root laughs and Shaw hates it because her laugh is _magic_. It makes her whole face light up and she just becomes more and more beautiful. She feels a painful tug in her chest and Shaw rolls over—hoping to escape and end all of this before it gets even _worse_.

When she does Root also shifts and then pushes her so she’s back on her front with her face to the floor. Root presses her weight into the back of her loose top and then runs her hands up and down the sides, underneath the fabric and onto the cold skin. The library’s freakin’ cold. 

She moves Shaw’s hair aside and presses warm lips to the back of her neck. Shaw feels goose bumps rising and more hands running through her dark hair.

Root’s hands touch the still-sensitive bites from earlier on her neck and she leans down to rub her mouth on them hard, making Shaw moan and God, why was she somehow always squirming under Root’s ministrations? She’s an idiot!

Her hands move but she feels Root grip them tightly and hold them to the ground as her hair brushes against the back of Shaw’s shirt. She bites and kisses again and Shaw lets out an even longer, more embarrassing moan.

 

She feels Root’s tongue against her earlobe and a muttered, “ _What are best friends for?”_

Torture. Apparently.


	7. too much chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYO GUYS! I'm posting two today because they sort of read back-to-back (I think). Hopefully everyone's feeling okay after Tuesday's episode this week *hands out blankets, thermos of cocoa, sends out good vibes* 
> 
> I have a playlist for the beginning half of this fic: http://8tracks.com/wolfwars/bombs-go-off-when-i-enter-the-building but I'm going to be posting a second one later! From more of Root's point-of-view. In this chapter you see Shaw using some expressions in Farsi (for her Persian roots!) 'Ey valah' = O' God/Swear to God! I'm also going to bump up the ratings because of drug mentions, alcohol mentions and there's a lotta M stuff in the future...
> 
> ***alternate lyrics for this chapter: I know your motives and you know mine / The ones that love me, I tend to leave behind ***

Root thinks she’s getting close to some results here. Or, she’s trying. Trying as hard as she can. It’s not easy when you’re into someone who is in denial about their feelings and about their relationship with you but she also knows that if she works hard enough that maybe, just maybe, she can get Sameen to realize that they’re not  _just friends_ and never will be just friends.

Her plans started out small at first but those are the ones that failed the hardest. She tries offering to give Shaw a ride to her classes everyday but Sameen just tells her ‘don’t be ridiculous’ because Root already lives on campus and Shaw doesn’t so why would she add any strain to her easy commute?

 _Because I want to see you_. Root thinks.

Then she tries to set up a normal time for them go visit the library (now that she’s found out that Shaw even knows where the library is. Now that was a surprise!) and the only successful part of her ‘small plan’ plan was getting Shaw to go on walks with Bear because apparently, that’s the only thing she could get the stubborn girl to agree to.

That’s when she had to change her plans up and use different, _bigger, better_ tactics. 

Just showing up at Shaw’s door and kissing her sometimes worked. There was always the luring her in with food method, predictable but effective. She also liked helping her study, even if it usually just led to studying _each other_ instead of the course materials, which – again, _perk_.

She attended games too. Root’s not very ra ra go team sports but Shaw is and seeing Shaw lead the rest of the crowd in creatively crude chants is really worth the while.

 

On Sundays she brings Bear out to the quad and they lay out on the grass and just enjoy the sun together. Root wears a loose, comfortable sundress and has her sunglasses propped up against her forehead as she reads, keeping her hair out from her eyes. She feels that infectious urge to give Shaw a kiss. Just a peck that any other pair of lovers would. Something to tie the bow of romance onto a certain scene, place or time. Root wants to lean over her onto their blanket and kiss her into the grass, let Bear watch as he wags his tail and sticks his tongue out. She lets this momentary wish pass over her and goes back to her reading, ignoring Shaw who looks impeccably cute in her high rise denim shorts and cut-up tank top that shows off her tan stomach. Shaw reads away, oblivious to Root’s staring.

On weekdays she’ll sometimes stop by with coffee or donuts or some form of breakfast nutrient because otherwise she’s pretty sure Shaw isn’t eating. Which isn’t healthy.

She also likes cooking but she can’t bring herself to cook for just herself and Shaw again. It just screams out: ‘date!!!!!!’ and if Shaw thinks she’s set up a date for them then she’s going to pull the cord on the whole thing. That’s what Root keeps worrying about anyway.

In other words, her not-a-girlfriend is actually more work than an actual girlfriend would be because she’s starting to feel like one of those suitors from the past who has to keep up a long, lively and burdensome courtship until they either marry or both die. It’s frustrating romantically (and sexually) and Root’s not sure how much longer she can hold out on the latter while still hoping for the prior.

 

But then her sorta girlfriend sends her a text and it puts a big, dumb grin on her face.

 

(Even though it just says: **YOU’RE NUMBER ONE AGAIN?!!?!?!?!?! ?!!??! >:( ? >:O** **F U ROOT**.)

 

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 _3am_. Vet’s office. 

Shaw rushes through the electronic doors with her night bag in hand. She sees a tired, 5 o’clock shadowed Finch and an even more haggard Reese waiting for her in their chairs by the vending machine. Shaw lets out a deep breath and walks over carefully.

Bear wags his tail but he doesn’t move. He’s too woozy from the surgery and the sedatives they gave him so Shaw crouches down by his side to give him a gentle pet and kiss to his head.

“Bear, guy, you okay, buddy?” He drools and pants and Shaw can’t believe how relieved she feels because usually her instincts are’t making her run out the door of her flat and to the hospital with the passion of an Olympic track star. She felt like she was going to have a heart attack when she got off the phone with Reese.

 

“Too much chocolate, Ms. Shaw…” Harold pets Bear’s head too.

 

“You’re so strong, aren’t you boy?” She coos at Bear. He wags his tail very slowly because he’s pretty conked out and Shaw kinda gets how he feels. She rubs his back and then stands back up.

 

 

 _12pm_. Class.

 

Shaw drops her head to the desk and feels her eyes slowly closing. _The cardiomyoplasty is an experimental procedure where…_

Sometimes she wishes her own field were more interesting.

 

_1:30pm_.

 

Root is leaning against the wall outside of her classroom with a cardboard tray of iced coffees. Behind her, the hallways are busy with college kids shuffling between classes and Shaw is weirdly relieved after the long day she’s had. She comes over and leans next to her, wordlessly accepting the drink that is handed to her and taking a long sip. 

“Heard you had a rough night,” Root explains. She then takes a sip of her own drink and Shaw nods.

“Not as rough as Bear’s,” She admits.

She’s happy that this hangout has no strings attached. She relaxes and she knows she has another class in an hour but at least she has someone to kill the time with… or let her nap in their dorm.

 

Which Root does.

 

 

 _5pm_. Dinner.

 

Her second class of the day was not quite so bad but Shaw’s glad that she’s finally done. She curls up on the couch of her apartment and Reese is there too, happily chatting away to her computer screen as Joss yells at him about something or another, the girl’s voice carrying over the apartment. She also smells something delicious as she peeks over to see Root cooking up something in her kitchen.

Finch was too busy watching Bear at his place and though Shaw worried about him—and wished Bear could come and sit with them—she knew it was too busy with them all there worrying over the dog. She’d have to visit later, when he was fully rested and feeling up to it.

Reese gave Joss a tour of the crew (not of her own flat) and Shaw waved at her as he passed by to walk over to Root.

 

“Hey Root, are you taking _good care_ of my girl?” Joss asked.

Shaw jumped up quickly, the pillow rolling onto the floor below the couch so she could look over:

 

“The best of.” Root says back. She waves her hands over the hot smoke boiling over the pot then puts the lid back over it. Once she’s done with her minor preparations, Root puts her full attention onto the screen to talk to Joss.

Shaw feels her heart racing. No bueno. Ey valah! This is definitely not good…

Reese laughs and adds, “Those girls? They are like two peas in a pod.”

Shaw rolls her eyes. Which no one sees because they are way too preoccupied with this whole life-ruining convo thing they’ve started. She looks over at Root with a meaningful stare and the girl just gives her an easy smile and shrug in return, the sleeves of Shaw’s hoody rising up and down as she does. Root liked to steal her clothes and Shaw would probably have stolen Root’s leather jacket (in replacement for hers) if the girl just hadn’t been so freakin’ tall. Meanwhile Shaw had plenty of clothes that were big on her and loose on Root. Like the black hoody she wore now with the words, “PROPERTY OF SHAW” written in big white stencil letters on the back because everyone in Shaw’s house liked to steal her clothes. 

“Oh really?” Joss asked. Root was acting chill though, to Shaw’s relief.

“She was just telling me all about you _two_ ,” She said changing the subject, “And there was a story she wouldn’t tell me… about the lab break in?”

 

Shaw jumped off the couch this time.

 

“Oh, _that_ story? Girl, you should have asked sooner!” Joss’ deep laugh filled in around them. Shaw rushed over to take the computer screen but Reese intercepted her easily—handing it off to Root and holding Shaw’s shoulders back so that she couldn’t steal it back. Shaw struggled against him with a groan.

“Please do tell," Root encouraged.

“Well, Shaw was always in the med and science center when I went looking for her to hang out after classes… and one day we both notice that they’ve brought in a new animal for testing. A dog. Shaw flips out on the guy bringing the dog in and she basically calls him all the worst names I’ve ever heard her call anyone, saying he’s going up against everything they do here. Fixing things and the value of life, etcetera. He tells her that’s only for human life and that doc’s codes don’t apply in this circumstance. Shaw tells him off and finally security comes and makes us leave… but we don’t give up just yet,” Joss smiles and Shaw rolls her eyes as Joss watches her.

 

“Do you want to help me tell this story?”

Shaw shakes her head, “No way.”

“Well we’re throwing a party that night in the flat and I think Reese was out of town for one of their games or something because we were drinking a lot and I think we were both so pissed and eventually _so drunk_ that we decide we’re going to break into the testing site and free the dog so that the testing can’t take place. Shaw wants to bring her gun—” 

“Which you don’t let me,” Shaw mutters. Root is holding back a smirk and Shaw hasn’t noticed it, but is now standing right by her side. She’s not sure when she got over there but she’s got the black sleeves of Shaw’s hoody drooping down her wrists and a hand by her mouth as she hides her laughter. 

The whole story just reminds Shaw of how guilty she felt when she’d first seen it. It was a small mixed-breed dog (a mutt) and shaking inside the kennel they were hauling it around in. Shaw’s all for the advancement of medical technology and is an astute technician of the practice herself but it’s hard to stand by passively when something just seems… _wrong_. When Cole had still gone to school with them still, he’d bring things up all the time and it kind of got easy to lean on him and his judgments on things. Joss too, she guesses. Because they’d both felt so uneasy that day. Joss helped convince her like Cole once used to.

 

“But we get past the guards which, hell, we’re really good at and we get into the facility to retrieve this dog and oh man,” Joss’ face gets even more animated, “Well we have a little problem, see. The guards have back-ups. They start walking round the place and I know we’re very, very screwed unless…” 

Shaw lets out a loud, annoyed groan.

 

“Unless,” Joss carries on, “We’ve got a distraction.”

Root’s eyes light up, “A distraction, huh?” She peeks over at Shaw who she can swear looks a little red.

Reese stares at her too a slight eyebrow raised in anticipation.

“I hate you Joss,” Shaw bites out.

“So I tell Shaw she has to make a distraction otherwise we’ll get caught and they’ll take the dog back before we can bring it over to the no-kill shelter we’ve found for it. So we both decide that there’s only one thing left to do. We decide that Shaw has to…”

Reese and Root lean forward, waiting.

 

“…streak.”

 

Everyone but Shaw in the room bursts into fits of laughter and Shaw can even bet the neighbors can hear it because it’s so loud. She smacks herself in the forehead.

Of fucking course Joss is only too happy to keep telling them more, “Shaw hands me her clothes and she SPRINTS through the HALLS and she’s got every. Single. Guard. ON DUTY—staring at her! Those boys were drooling all over themselves and it was _almost too easy_ … 

Shaw finally figured it was time to chip in, “I saved a dog, Joss. I’m a hero.”

“Yeah girl, a nudie hero, a naked-in her birthday suit-running hero who saved the day. You rock.” Joss laughed and Shaw felt more embarrassed than ever. There was a reason she didn’t tell this story! And ALSO, Joss was just lucky that Shaw had been the nice one and stripped down for them because otherwise it would have been her and Shaw probably could have lifted that kennel out faster than her anyway.

Reese gave her a big pat on the back, “Nice work, Shaw. You really know how to think on your… feet.” His smile widened and then he gave Joss thumbs up. There was one person who hadn’t made a funny comment yet (who she was sure would) so Shaw looked over at Root to see if she was laughing at her too. But to her surprise… Root wasn’t laughing at all. She had that dumb-glazed over look she sometimes had when she stared at her. 

Reese asked Joss some more questions about the night but Shaw felt herself get distracted with Root’s unusual quietness until the girl turned around and went back to her cooking.

“Shaw, girl,” Joss spoke to her again, “Tell me who’s going after your graduation spot…other than you of course.”

 

“Well one of my enemies is here with us now,” Shaw pointed to Root, “But there’s also Martine who Reese here is buddy-buddy with and there were a few candidates before but I think it’s slowly narrowing down to just us.”

“Root, huh?” She looked over to Root, “I’m surprised she’s not trying to destroy you!”

“She’s tried,” Root moved so that Shaw could get in behind her and grab a beer from the fridge. She then, quickly, handed Shaw the bottle opener from one of the drawers and went back to draining spaghetti in the sink.

The kitchen was hot and probably not the best place to be standing around but Joss wanted to talk to Root (grill her more like, Shaw thought bitterly) and Reese and Shaw had to talk to her too. It also smelled good, like seriously good. Reese also had helped the cooking along by making Finch’s special garlic bread recipe.

“And Martine?” Joss asked.

Root looked over at Shaw and narrowed her eyes.

“Martine is in third place,” Reese explained easily, “She’s kind of competitive though. I think you guys have to watch your backs.”

“I’ll watch yours if you watch mine,” Root told Shaw, eyes going up and down her body in a way that _she really wasn’t supposed to be doing_ in front of everyone. Shaw huffed and then leaned closer to the webcam.

“She’s also captain of the football dance squad so she might just pep us to death.”

“Need me to cut a bitch?” Joss asked Shaw, eyes looking between her and Root and the obvious implication of ‘cutting’ Martine too. Shaw shrugged and then smiled. Shaw was feeling kind of awkward with the weird friend wars that were going on… Root wasn’t fighting or anything but Joss was still strangely unreceptive to the idea of her hanging out with the brunette so much. 

It’s like she wanted her to have new friends but no one too serious, which Shaw didn’t really understand. It kind of confused her. She’d had friends before Joss but she didn’t think of any of her friendships as being super serious. Cole was nice and losing him had actually kinda sucked but she could be alone.

Even if she hadn’t even really been alone much now. Even with Joss gone it was like Root was always around so she was never alone. This was supposed to be her solo-girl time or her ‘hang out with Bear only’ time but basically everyone had changed that.

 

“Dinner’s ready!” 

They gathered around the table and they left the stream on so that Joss could go grab her own meal (a baguette with butter, brie cheese and fresh tomatoes) and join them. They ate and talked but not very much as they were more focused on eating. Especially Shaw who was stuffing her face with spaghetti, garlic bread and meatballs. She sort of ignored the side salad until she finished her pasta and decided, _that to_ , must be eaten.

Root smiled and reached over to wipe a trace of sauce off her chin.

“Thanks Mom,” Shaw sassed. Root perked a brow up and her eyes lingered on the spot before quickly shuffling away with her own plate.

“So, you two…” Joss looked between Shaw and Root who were sitting next to each other on the sofa, Shaw with a fork in her hand and a piece of lettuce sticking on the end of it. Joss asked, “Having fun without me?” 

“Nahhhhhh,” Shaw gave an easy grin, “We just sit in morose silence waiting for you to return.”

Root nods. Shaw notices she looks kind of tired though. Like she’s not really enjoying this conversation anymore.

“What do you two like to do?” 

“Um,” Shaw’s mind pulls a painful blank on her and she looks at Root who is determinedly not helping _or_ contributing to this convo. She lies instead, “Watch movies and hang out. Study… we…” Root rolled her eyes, “You know, the usual.” 

“Hey Shaw,” Reese looked down at his watch then turned to face her slowly, “Do you mind if I head out? I told Finch I would pick up Bear’s medication from the vet’s office.”

Shaw nodded absently.

“Bye, honey.” He told Joss. She waved at him as he left and then as soon as he did, she was asking Shaw questions about the girls who were into him and his games and how he was doing in general.

 

She answered the questions—while maybe hiding one incident or two of stalking—and Root laid out on the sofa, tired. 

“Thank God,” Joss sounded relieved. She winked at Shaw and Shaw could see how much more bounce the girl seemed to have with all the reassurances given.

Not like Shaw’s all pro-commitment or whatever but at this point it seemed stupid that neither Reese or Joss were actually _seeing anyone else_ but seriously worried that the other was. Just go official or whatever and save yourselves the time, she thought.

But she didn’t say that. She just gave Joss a message goodbye and lowered the computer screen until it was closed.

As soon as she did, she felt a pair of hands reach and pull her head around. Shaw guffawed as Root kissed her.

Root’s hands let her head go and then she was sprawling over to fall onto the couch, exhausted. Usually if she cooked then Shaw would go clean up because Root didn’t feel like it. She guessed this would be another one of those nights as she looked over at the crowded counter of plates and silverware. But Shaw was also kinda lazy about that and did her dishes at the last possible moment.

 

She couldn’t read the mood right now either, which was a struggle.

 

“I need more booze.”

 

 _Now_ she could read the mood.

Shaw got up and grabbed another beer for herself and, as requested, a glass of wine for Root. The girl took a sip of it then scrunched her nose up in displeasure—she was still kind of young in that way, Shaw thought, that she didn’t like the taste of any alcohol and probably would be drinking one of those sugary booze drinks if Shaw had them in stock. They could do shots though, she guessed. Actually, Shaw would love to do shots right now. It would kick out some of the weird moments of the night out of her flat—so she got back up and grabbed her handle of whiskey because she wasn’t sure what Root actually liked. Maybe she preferred tequila or something.

“Shots?” She asked, tentatively from her cabinet full of booze. Root yawned and nodded her head.

“Do you want vodka? Tequila? Whiskey?”

“I’ll drink anything.”

“Anything it is.” Shaw smiled and pulled out Jack Daniels. Tequila + Root kinda of seemed like a bad idea anyway… she didn’t want the night to end up completely crazy. Though she was _a little curious_ about what would happen… Root was kind of a human version of tequila so maybe mixing like with like would create for something interesting. If Shaw was booze she thinks she’d be either Bourbon or Everclear, something that could knock you on your ass and then make you feel it again in the morning.

 

She went back to her spot on the sofa and poured two shots of whiskey out into the small glasses she’d put on the table. Root downed the first one before Shaw could even get to pour her own.

“Okay… this is when I ask you, ‘What’s up, Root?’” Shaw pantomimed. Root stared at her for a minute then reached over and downed her shot too. Shaw gaped, annoyed then took a swig from the bottle. It seemed like the only way she was going to get any at this point.

Root had taken off her hoody and slung it over the side of the couch at some point and Shaw was cold so she reached over and put it back on over her tank top. She reached out and touched one of Root’s arms because at this point, still, Root looked like she was thinking things over _way too much_ and right now they should both be drunk and happy. Not broody drunks.

Root shivered a little and it sent a strange shock through Shaw’s skin as well.

 

She reached over and poured two more shots.

“How about this time we _both_ drink?” She nudged the glass over with the edge of her pinkie and Root picked it up. They both downed it. 

Then their shot glasses clinked as they put them back facedown on the wood. Shaw’s had a little elephant design on it. Root’s was Batman, which was weird, but she’s pretty sure she and Joss had stolen these anyway. From a Frat House by the looks of it.

“Now can you tell me?” Shaw asked, patiently. 

Root’s eyes flickered to the ground then back to her glass. Shaw wondered if all the jokes she’d made about her being a lightweight _were true_ or not.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel,” Root admits. Confused.

“What about…” and Shaw mimics Root’s voice from earlier, “‘No emotions’.”

Her friend looks shaken up so Shaw maybe feels sort of bad about the light teasing. She takes another sip of her beer because why not wash down the whiskey with something else that also has booze? Then leans back. 

Root nods then she leans her head down against Shaw’s shoulder.

“Friends do this right?” She asked, voice wary.

 

Shaw thinks about it.

 

“Yeah, Root… friends do this.”

Root’s eyes flicker open and closed and Shaw stays put for a while until it starts to hurt her shoulder. Then she wraps an arm around Root’s waist to slowly shift her until she’s laying down on the bed, comfortably (and drunkenly) sleeping.

She wasn’t gonna go the whole nine-yard or whatever, like a sap, but she threw a blanket over the girl then stumbled out the door.

 

She had a dog to visit.


	8. baby music

When she returned, Shaw saw that the couch was empty but she was so exhausted that she just plopped down and closed her eyes until she heard the noises of someone throwing up coming from her bathroom. Shaw rubbed her weary eyes.

“Root?” She could smell the sick coming from the toilet which—hello, she guesses that’s her future life as a doctor come to haunt her early—and went over to pick up the brown-haired girl’s hair and keep it from falling in front of her face while she vomited. 

“S-sorry,” Root tried to say as she clutched her hand to her mouth then leaned in to vomit again. Shaw turned away ‘cause whoa, she did not think she was ready to see all of this so soon but then she leaned in and helped wipe the girl’s mouth once she was finished. 

Root cringed, looking embarrassed. 

“Don’t be sorry, kid wonder. This is my fault. Shouldn’t have made you drink so much.” 

Root looked like she agreed—then she looked miserable again. Shaw did feel responsible. She rubbed at the girl’s lower back and then put her hair up before going to get a glass of water. 

“Rinse, c’mon.” She held it up to Root’s face and a paler than usual hand reached up to grab it and sip and spit.

“Always knew you were a spitter,” Shaw teased.

“Ptf. As if.”

But their playful banter was more like a pitiful croak coming from her friend. Shaw shook her head, feeling bad again and then helped Root up.

“Think you need more time or…?” 

Root shook her head and Shaw found her mouthwash and gave it to her to gurgle and spit. Yeah this was really, really her fault. Not everyone can keep up with Shaw when it came to booze. She’s won a shit ton of drinking contests at this school and once she graduated someone else would have to come along and take the title from her because she was basically a hugely successful lush.

They passed the bathroom and Root looked between the couch and back to Shaw’s bed with hopeful eyes.

Shaw let out a sigh and then slowly led her to the bed.

She basically should just give up at this point; this girl was good at crawling in under peoples’ skins. She’d figured that out the hard way. 

Root collapsed onto the bed with another sad moan of pain and Shaw rolled her eyes.

“I like the left side,” Shaw said.

“I like the right,” Root replied as she scootched over to take it. Shaw had kind of forgotten that she was sleeping in her underwear when she’d thought Root had left. Usually she went commando but after staying up to drink with Root, being kinda wasted and then spending time at Bear’s place, she’d just torn her clothes off and jumped into bed.

Root must have been pretty messed up because she hadn’t heard one comment about it. Still, Shaw needed clothes now so she grabbed a tank top and sleeping shorts to throw on, she also pulled out a shirt and a pair for Root, which _she already knew_ were probably going to be too small on her. Unlike her hoodies and sweatshirts not all of Shaw’s shirts and shorts ran big.

She brought them over and nudged Root.

“Root, c’mon, you don’t wanna sleep in the clothes you wore all day. Ok?”

The sleepy girl nodded and slowly changed (really slowly). Shaw turned around while she did—cause even though they were on pretty familiar terms with each other’s bodies she still hadn’t seen Root naked and if Root didn’t want her to get that far then she had her own reasons for it.

 

“Dressed now.”

Shaw turned back around and Root had a small, amused smile on her face. She pulled the blankets over her and Shaw came over to stand by her side.

“You ok?”

In the dark she could see a slight nod.

“Good.”

“How’s Bear?” A voice asked while yawning.

“How’d you know that’s where I went?”

“Just knew, I guess.”

She felt a small hand wrap around her wrist and pull her in… Shaw didn’t fight it. She let tiny, exhausted hands grab around her shoulders and lean up to kiss her.

Or more… like… push her down. Root seemed to be struggling to really move at all so Shaw felt her body get pushed closer to Root’s through dogged effort on the drunker girl’s part. Shaw laughed and then felt determined hands move to grip her hips.

“Aren’t you tired?” Shaw asked.

“So tired,” Root looked down and then observed where her hands were still holding Shaw with a hint of satisfaction.

“What should I say to get you to go to bed?” Shaw stared into her eyes, looking serious and yet a tiny bit playful at the same time.

“Something I want to hear,” Root joked back. Her eyes fluttered open and closed and Shaw could see how hard she was trying to stay awake, to keep touching Shaw. Maybe that’s why she decided it was the perfect time to get her worked up a little bit... (right when she knows she can’t do anything about it.)

“You’re so tired, _baby_ ,” Shaw pressed a kiss to her forehead, “Why don’t you just go to sleep?”

Root groaned. ‘Cause Sameen Shaw calling her ‘baby’ in her sexy voice was way too damn much for her. Shaw broke into laughter. She knew being called ‘baby’ was definitely going to be more of Root’s thing then her own. No matter how cool the younger girl tried to look when calling her that.

Root flipped onto her side and laid her head on her pillow, turning her back away from Shaw.

“Go to bed, ok?” she said, still laughing. She felt Root’s foot hit the back of her calf but not very hard. She imagined her face was a little red right now.

 

 

In the morning, she had to deal with hung-over Root which wasn’t much better. There was too much light in her apartment so she was basically yelled at and shepherded by Root, the secret cattle dog, to go and close the curtains. Then Root kept trying to ‘cuddle’ which Shaw knew was 100% her messing with her (which she would have known even without the hoarse giggle-laugh Root left in her ear when she wiggled out of her arms the _third time_ ) so she got up to make coffee earlier than usual.

It was one of the few house necessities she had in her fridge: milk and coffee. There were also leftovers from last night but Shaw didn’t want to eat that so she went outside to pick up a couple of bagels from her favorite place. 

When she returned Root was curled up and miserable on the couch. Her head resting on a pillow as something played on the TV. Shaw walked over and dropped her breakfast bagel in front of her.

Root looked up at her, surprised.

“Don’t get used to it, you drunk.” Shaw winked before going over to fetch two cups of coffee. She could hear the quiet munching from the other side of the room though… and also, if Shaw was being honest. She kinda owed Root at least one breakfast. It helped get rid of that feeling that she owed Root some _other things_ too. In case she extorted her in the future. She also grabbed a water bottle for Root because even if she wanted coffee, water was better for her hangover right now. Shaw came back around with her own plate and sat on the couch, near Root’s feet.

“How do you do this all the time…?” Root groaned.

“Because I’m a real woman, Root. Now get your sad shit together. You only live once.”

“I can’t believe… you just… YOLO-ed me.” Root said in disbelief. Shaw looked down and saw that Root must have basically devoured her sandwich because it was already gone. Shaw looked up at the TV and saw it was the channel programmed to make baby music noises all day. Apparently the only thing Root’s shattered, hung-over brain could handle. Drunk people.

Was weirdly peaceful though.

“Here,” Shaw shoved her own sandwich over to Root. The girl shook her head but Shaw pressed on until Root finally relented and started eating that as well.

“Never been so attracted to you as much as I am right now, Root. Seeing you… curled up in fetal position on my couch, eating twice as much as a normal human and listening to baby noises. Maybe you can throw up on my shoes or something, make it feel like prom night all over again.” 

“So you’ve been attracted to me.” Root says, blindly picking out the silver lining in Shaw’s monologue.

 

“Nope.”

 

“You just said-“ Root took another huge bite of her bagel, apparently multitasking and watched Shaw. Shaw was pretty sure their mutual attraction was already pretty clear and that Root just wanted her to say it out loud or something. Nice try.

“You do have some serious sex hair right now. Did I miss something while I was asleep? You have someone else over in the bed?”

Root laughed then slumped her head back down, “Everything…hurts…” 

“This was like a rite of passage for you, huh? It’s not everyday I see a senior basically acting like a freshman. Maybe we should go and gain fifteen pounds too. I can teach you how to do your own laundry for the first time, make your family send you a care package…”

Root tried to punch Shaw in the leg but her body was so tired all she’d managed was a light touch of her fists and then they plopped down beneath Shaw’s knee.

“Oh man, you’re really beat.”

Root nodded, sad. 

“Don’t have one.”

“What?” Shaw asked. She tried to think back to what she’d said but didn’t really remember. She wasn’t hung-over like Root but she was still waking up.

“A family. The care package thing. Wouldn’t work.” Root admitted.

“ _Oh_.” Shaw wasn’t sure why or how but for some reason what Root said really kind of clicked with her. Made sense. People who lived by themselves even though they were that young still, cleaned and cooked for themselves and seemed to have their own independent wealth—well, Root was something else. This was just another piece of something already special. 

“Sorry,” Shaw muttered back. Root blinked and then closed her eyes again. The baby noises filling the air again and making things feel peaceful and sleepy. Shaw wondered how Root could feel so comfortable telling her about herself though… it’s not like Root really knew much about Shaw. Didn’t know about her Dad or her _own_ past. Didn’t even know about her personality disorder and how much that limited what Shaw was or what she could become, felt like restraints. Tasted like metal on her tongue when she wanted to say something to someone but didn’t have what they’d need from her.

Root looked a little sad but then she reached up and grabbed Shaw’s hand, slowly bringing it back and onto the top of her own head. She kept her hand over Shaw’s, making her stay there.

 _Well_ , Shaw thought, _at least she’s being very direct about what she needs_. And that made it easy. And suddenly Shaw was kind of relieved.


	9. I am known as a killer, a heart killer

“SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!” 

One. TWO. THREE.

 

Shaw downed her shot and felt the quick burn trace along the back of her throat and down to her stomach. Ball so hard, this shit crazy. The rookie guy from one of the frats at her school, and the night’s bartender, pushed her another shot glass filled with amber liquid swishing about and one to her opponent, Reese.

Reese was a big guy yeah but Shaw knew 100% she could take him. He might drink like a sailor but she could drink like a Sea Marshall. Get ready.

They did two more rounds when a random guy at the counter started making lovey-dovey eyes at her—which apparently was Root’s signal to come over, sit beside Shaw very closely and act like that was all an accident. Shaw threw her a look like _‘really?’_ and Root just pushed her shoulder into hers and smiled. Shaw was torn between thinking the cockblocking/possessiveness was hot and thinking it was really annoying. Her brain was distracted thinking through all the various, possible scenarios when:

 

“Hey you’re that genius kid right?”

Root and Shaw turned around at the same time to see one of the Fratdude’s lurching over, trying to look all smooth. Root nodded.

“I guess you could say that.” She admitted.

“Yeah, she is,” Shaw didn’t mean to sound like a proud friend but she kind of did. She reached over to grab her next contest drink and took it down—but her mind was paying attention to Fratdude and Root’s convo.

“Guess you think you’re hot shit then?” His tone was no longer a friendly question and instead, as far as Shaw could tell, he was being a huge asshole. She felt her body go tense. Root looked a bit confused but then answered the asshole confidently:

“I guess I think I am when I’m around guys like you.”

“Oh burn,” the guy pretended to cringe and Shaw was now about a 100% too done with his bullshit to deal.

“Look you measle-faced prick, _koni_ , douchewad,” Shaw spun around to face the big dude and his stupid glass of red bull mixed with vodka (not that she wouldn’t drink that but she didn’t need this man and his rudeness in her life at the moment) and poked him in the chest, “I don’t know how drunk you are right now or why you seem to get the urge to pick on young women when you’re drunk but if you don’t step the fuck away from my presence in point three seconds I’m going to kick your rude mouthy face away from our table!”

Root gaped. Reese excused himself gracefully from the other side of the table and stood behind dudebro while Shaw glared at him.

“Do we have a problem here?” Reese asked smoothly. He laid a big hand on the guy’s shoulder in warning. 

“Yeah, we do. My friend’s in a class with this girl and she’s ruining the grade curve for everyone else,” His eyes flashed hot on Root’s, “If you think you’re so smart why don’t you just go back to high school?”

“If you wanted study tips, sweetie, you could have just asked.” Root smiled up at the jerk. Shaw laughed. She was also kind of used to this ‘I might just kill you and tear you apart to pieces’ smile of Root’s. It was just one of many where her smile hadn’t quite caught up to her eyes.

She liked that smile better over the ‘I’m just watching you over here don’t mind me’ smile that Root had when Shaw wasn’t paying attention and then she’d look over and see a huge grin tugging at her friend’s lips, eyes trailing after her. Face like a kid on Christmas (or on a night of Hanukah, Shaw wasn’t limiting her similes). 

“BECAUSE,” Shaw stood up and got dangerously close to the guy’s face just so she could stare him down better, “That’s not how it works. She’s already way past you or any of us and now she’s just dumbing it down to keep with the crowd… by crowd I mean all of you because I don’t really need to be dumbed down to… except with computer stuff…” she admits sheepishly, _“…sometimes_. But she’s only 18 and she’s already got this place under her thumb so maybe you should stop trying to pick a fight with the second-place, almost-Valedictorian of our grade. ‘Cause she’s going places… and you buddy, are not.”

 

She finished and then hiccuped a little because of the alcohol in her system but otherwise she was pretty sure that was a good take-down. Dudebro seemed pissed and then annoyed enough to march off into whatever sad little box he lived in.

Shaw felt a tugging on her arm and Root looking at her and _oh great_ , puppy dog look number two. 

Shaw shrugged like ‘whatever, no big deal.’

“Nice work, Shaw.” Reese said, looking approving. Shaw didn’t think it was a big deal.

 

Actually, making boys cry was kind of her one and only hobby. It was like, a secret passion of hers that she happened to be pretty good at.

She hoped dudebro was crying (probably not).

 

“Hey,” Root looked back up at her, “I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Um… ok.” Shaw answered. She peeked over at Reese to see if he understood what she meant and he tilted his head back at her.

“We’re girls we do this together,” Root stated, impatiently explaining before she hooked an arm through Shaw’s and dragged her off.

 

Shaw sighed.

The bathroom in this place was super disgusting so Shaw kind of dug her heels in as Root pulled her along. She even asked her questions ‘bout it while other people were shuffling in and out around them.

“What’s with the buddy system, Root?”

“This bathroom has a lock right?”

“Yeah but Root—as much as I enjoy spending time with you I don’t think I need to watch you pee…” 

Root shoved her through the door then locked it behind them. Shaw was feeling… very… nervous and she had a reason to be because then Root was walking up to her and giving her zero space.

They’d sort of made a deal—a nowhere near our friends deal. The little nerdling looked like she was about to break said deal. 

“ _Thanks_.” Root bit down on her lip and stared across the small space between them at Shaw’s. She seemed genuinely grateful which was nice, Shaw guessed. It wasn’t like Root hadn’t stood up for Shaw before.

Maybe telling this guy off for her would save Root from having to punch another guy in the face and as much as Shaw loved to see that, she’d rather she channel her energy elsewhere.

Shaw was being stupidly silent (she realized) as Root hovered over her and the door. Light footsteps could be heard from the thin walls of the bathroom but Shaw felt her mind slowly ignoring all the noises around her except for her kinda-friend’s breathing.

She probably looked like a deer in headlights right now.

Shaw peeked over at the bathroom mirror and saw their reflections—yup, definitely a deer in headlights. She grinned easily at Root and tried to sound cool, “No problem.” 

“There is _a bit of a_ problem,” the clever brunette’s nose scrunched up as she pretended along with her speech, “…because I’d like to thank you.”

 

Shaw shuffled awkwardly across from her, “A drink. You could buy me a drink.”

“But I just have so much… _gratitude_ ,” Root leaned in and her smile perked up. She was clearly enjoying messing with Shaw way too much. Shaw stared down at her eyes, her lips and her hair. Why being around Root was so difficult she’d never know but maybe that’s what she liked so much about it. Being off her guard. That rush of not knowing whether or not they were about to thrown down or make-out.

What Shaw didn’t know about Root was how Root was _actually_ thinking right now:

 

That she adored the shit out of her. That she did have genuine gratitude. That even Shaw just letting her stay in her bed when she knew Shaw didn’t want her to, comforted her after she told her things, helped her when she was drunk—got her breakfast and then on top of it… said a ton of great things about her, a list of great things about her really… 

Well Shaw wasn’t in the know on that.

 

Root kissed her and, out of all the make outs in random and un random places, it’d never been so gentle. Whenever Shaw moved to bite or break or hurt—Root soothed over those touches and gave unrelentingly sweet ones in return. 

Like a sugar overdose. 

Shaw growled, frustrated.

“Just want to show you…” Root piped in, between soft kisses, “Aggressive later…”

Shaw nodded, brain fuzzy as Root deepened their kissing, holding her face closely to hers and wrapping them up together with a ridiculous amount of intensity and intimacy that Shaw was _definitely_ not used to. She felt hot breaths against her lips and cheeks and fingers below her chin and moving to her behind her ear. 

It was way too much. Too much sensory, too much sensitivity. Too much drunkenness. 

Which is probably why it felt so amazing.

 

“ _Like you so much, Sameen_ ,” Root whispered and her voice was so reverent and tender that Shaw felt something break in her, something angry. Something unrelenting, she tensed up and even with the girl who’s body she was so used to—almost as much as her own—pressing her into the solid door, she felt sick.

 

“You shouldn’t.” Shaw said. 

Root looked at her, focus tight. Eyes determined.

“Why?” She bit out.

 

“I can’t… I can’t feel like that.”

 

The girl stared at her and nodded her head, hard. What was gentle between them ripped and unraveled like fragile threads. Shaw let out a shuddered breath, a stressed out breath.

She knew she’d been holding in a lot and yeah ‘no feelings’ had sounded great but here she was and the problem didn’t really go away. It never had.

“For me?” Root asked, looking hurt and concerned at the same time. Shaw could see a million thoughts running through her mind. Her stomach churned. 

Can’t give you what you need. Can’t fight. Can’t do it.

“Anyone.” 

“I don’t care,” Root said, stubbornly.

“You should.”

“I don’t.”

She didn’t know what game they were playing now but she was so tired. Too tired to change anything and she felt those arms still wrapped around her, holding her, secure. Root was so open and Shaw was so closed. It’s just who they were. It was like that myth, the fox who could never get caught and the dog who always catches its prey. Endless. Shaw would always be running. Root would always be chasing.

She could sever them. _Save_ them.

If she was strong enough she could leave.

 

“You said no feelings,” she replies and it comes out more like a grumble. A meek grumble. Because Root made a promise and Shaw needs that. She can’t have that changing now. Can’t be treated like divinity in someone else’s hands. Shaw’s not worth it.

“I did,” Root agrees. She stares down so wistfully at Shaw that Shaw feels a shiver run through her. Hands find her lips again and trace them. The contact is nice. Shaw wonders if there will always be this pull between them. She doesn’t think she could handle that. 

Root’s body shifts and Shaw feels her pressed against her side and then her head moving to rest in the crook of Shaw’s neck, not kissing and not moving and not making anything happen. Just lingering.

 

“That’s the problem, Sameen. I’m selfish.” Her voice by her ear, rough, maybe a little broken like Shaw’s, “I don’t want only a little of you.” 

Hands slide down her arms. Shaw feels the softness of the girl’s tee rubbing against her own hands, the slide of skin on her arms, the smell of her shampoo. And she’s embarrassed to know that she already remembers and has these smells and sights locked away in some part of her brain that she hasn’t always paid attention to.

 

“I want all of you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> added second playlist here! http://8tracks.com/wolfwars/straight-up


	10. B-A-D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are psychic and predicted this upcoming chapter! I am just gonna leavethissomehwatcliffhangerherecomebackin2-3weeks!!! 
> 
> adding trigger warnings here so if anyone needs me to private message them i can just fill you in on what happened in a good way (hopefully as safe an untriggering way as possible!) I have triggers to so I get it :( but talk to me if you need to :( 
> 
> tw sucide mentions, tw body harm

Shaw walks back to her place from the drinking contest and she’s had even more to drink since then. The stairs to the flat are the hardest part… then she’s stumbling in and she leans against the doorframe for support, helping herself up. 

Yeah she had a _lot_ moreafter. A new level of amount of alcohol consumption for ole miss Shaw. She hiccups and then feels the bile burning through her throat, threatening to come out and she doesn’t let herself throw up because she hasn’t done that since freshman year and she’s holding a record with herself that she’s not going to break tonight. She had to crawl up a few of those steps on all fours, not proud of that. 

She staggers forward and lands onto a stool by the fridge. She sees the number Joss left her for emergencies. 

It takes her another twenty minutes to actually locate her phone but she does and she dials the number to make the super expensive call to Joss. Her head’s kinda spinning now too but Shaw goes over to the couch and lays down—slowly. She lets her head adjust on the cushion and if it’s at all possible, shit gets more blurry. 

“SHAW?” a surprised voice picks up on one of the later dials and it’s such a relief, “You never call me? What’s going on?”

Her heart’s still racing and she feels like she’s _dying_ but Shaw’s always been one to just jump right into any given situation, no holds backs. 

“I’ve been hooking up with Root and she wants more and I think she just declared her love even though we weren’t even together… Sorry, Joss. I just feel like I needed to-“

 

Shaw stares up at the blank ceiling. Cue sad music or melancholy music or something, she thinks. She has no idea how Joss would take this. Hasn’t been planning to tell her and didn’t think there was anything to tell her anyway.

“I… Shaw, _I know_.” Joss’s voice buzzes out from the other end of the phone, “You’re my girl. I know you and I’m also pretty good at spotting clues and putting them together. I would have made a great detective in another life.”

 

“I needed to tell someone. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Just slow down… tell me everything from the beginning.”

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

She hears screams. Feels the pulse of a heart beating under her fingers then going steady… steady… slow… slow… 

The library is always blue. Root is not sure why but it is. She closes her eyes and suddenly it feels like she’s a kid again. Staring out a window. Watching flashes of her closest friend as she gets into a car… and gone. 

Root wakes up in a panic, a neon flash from her computer going on and off in the corner of her eye, she holds her pillow to her chest and then… because she knows she’ll need to, curls into it and screams where it’ll be muffled. Knows she’s going to keep shivering, feeling sick for hours, going to feel helpless and…

 _Just a nightmare_. Always have these. _You always have these._ She shivers (even though her hair is stuck in some places to her skin in a cold sweat) and lays in the dark on her bed.

 

Only the light from the computer. Off. On. Green. Blue.

 

 

 _9am_.

 

“You seem kinda…” Sameen leans over to poke her in the cheek, “ _Off_.”

The smirk on her face is mostly teasing but Root barely has the energy to take a sip of the crap coffee she put into a thermos before leaving her dorm, much less play along with Sam’s whims. As much as she usually enjoys those… she suspects that her trusty ‘gal pal’ likes to be the most provocative when Root is visibly too exhausted to do anything about it.

“Where’s the geekinator, where’s the driven pain-in-my-ass who is usually trying to decode everything I say?” She chuckles but her face also looks distracted, Root decides, as she keeps staring off into the crowd of people selfconsciously. Root also has noticed that Sameen’s put a ridiculous amount of distance between them. She sighs.

“Not a lot of sleep, Sameen,” she gives another tired sigh but then decides she might as well throw the girl off her trail, “Too busy dreaming of you. I was there too, of course.”

Shaw doesn’t look like she believes her for even a second.

“Oh really? And different positions? Let me guess...lots of positions and not a lot of clothes?” She may be joking but she looks excited. Root gives her a knowing look and takes another large sip of her thermos. She doesn’t even remember how she got a thermos. It might actually be Sam’s or John’s or even Harold’s. Harold seems like the type to own a thermos.

Root is kind of curious about what would happen if she just let Sameen go on with her fantasy jokes for another couple of hours. Maybe it would reveal more about her than it did about Root. She smiled and tugged the girl closer to her, much to Sam’s unease. The girl gave her a quick look-over then stubbornly moved her head so that even though they stood close, it still sent the ‘don’t touch me’ signals.

 

Too bad Root doesn’t feel like listening to those right now. 

She’d take a punch today, really. She uses her height to corner Sam against the wall and props her hands up by her shoulders, grins.

Sameen looks around at the people watching them and Root can see the hint of a scowl press against her lips.

She’s not sure when taunting’s gonna get boring but it sure hasn’t yet. Root laughs.

“Too close?” she jokes. 

“You look like an idiot,” Sameen just rolls her eyes and looks incredibly bored with Root—who also feels like she’s about to pass out so she just leans in and rests her head against an unwilling shoulder. Then slowly her body weight too as Shaw groans and yet responds by catching her and holding her dead weight back up, despite the difficulties of it.

Root laughs, mirthfully, in her ear.

Sameen, upon seeing Root’s eyes closer up and also the dark bags sitting under them, leans in closer to inspect her face. Root recoils and tries to step away but it’s already too late.

“Did you lose a fight with your pillow?”

“It’s just a bad night,” she replies casually, already missing the closeness she’d forced on her study buddy. She might be genuinely tired but being around Shaw is like a tiny shot of adrenaline and she feels her heart beating in her chest. Misses the contact.

She even remembers the last time they’d been close—because Shaw hadn’t really allowed it since—and she’d told the stubborn girl her feelings. Not that Root’s surprised it didn’t go over well but she’s not the kind of person to deny herself the things she wants in life. And what does she want more than Sameen Shaw? 

She leans against the wall, by Sam’s side, and gazes down at her. She knows it’s a look Sameen doesn’t like but she can’t help it, her girl is too cute today with her dark hair down and her anger and her _agh_! Root’s a doter, a total doter. 

“Hmmm,” Sam studies her face again and then stares out at the crowd. She leans over and puts a light kiss to her mouth, which Root is only too eager to respond to.

But it’s over so fast… she pouts.

“ _Labia Oris_?” She jokes, staring down at the shorter girl.

“You look like you’re going to die,” Shaw says back, clearly not joking. She gestures to wearyass looking Root and looks annoyed.

 

“Then good thing I have me a doctor.”

 

“Go get help, seriously,” Sameen shrugs then ducks out and away, back to her classes. Root closes her eyes for a second, feeling the familiar tug of sleep and crashing.

 

 

 

Instead, she goes back to her dorm and drinks about a gallon of coffee and codes on her computer.

About halfway through she’s not really sure if she’s even coding for real or not or if she’s imagining half of the progress she’s made. This is what she’s supposed to be dreaming about: code. She often codes so much in real life that she goes through the motions of it as she sleeps, creating and making new possibilities and worlds every time she closes her eyes and awakening to feel mildly irritated and disappointed. Not that nightmares can’t penetrate code.

 

They do. 

She writes the same line of code over and over again like a ghost. Like a picture of her old friend reaching out through the screen and grabbing her like a scene out of one of those cheap shock horror flicks. The same code that slips in when she’s not trying to create it: B-A-D.

How does that have to do with Hanna? She’s stuck in one place forever, one position on a keyboard. A library window. A dusty old place in Texas where her mother ignores her, where she decays like the walls and everything, everything, everything, bad, helpless, bad, bad. People. Bad. They aren’t even like the codes she writes—perfect little pieces of code. Computers aren’t born with inherent evilness. They just aren’t.

She feels sick with dreams. Because if it isn’t a nightmare where she relives the spot—the spot _where she, Root_ , had stood and watched, helpless and useless and disoriented—and guilty. So fucking guilty… she let it happen just like everyone and everything else. Because people are bad. Because Root is bad too.

She can try and erase a past identity and rewrite herself as something better but Root is still human and thus, endlessly flawed. Useless at helping others ultimately. In her worst dreams she fills in all the blanks. A girl doesn’t just disappear. _Doesn’t just become void._ Blood. A man’s hands. Strong and unyielding. Dark corridors. Her friend’s face, her screams. She’ll never know what really happened so she’ll always imagine the absolute worst. Never forgive herself and really—why should she? Why should she forgive herself when she let it happen? When she stood there and watched?

 

No, Root wasn’t just _bad code_ ; she was the worst code of all.

 

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

Shaw doesn’t know what the fuck she was expecting, but it’s not this.

“What _the hell_ , Root?!”

Root’s covered in water, still looking exhausted and bleeding right out the damn head. Shaw moves over quickly to let her into the flat and guide her to the sofa but Root dodges her touches and goes over to the kitchen to grab herself some tequila. Oh great. Shaw leans on the sofa watching her and not hiding even a little bit how pissed she feels on the outside.

“Oh hey, Shaw,” She says and Shaw is surprised she even remembers to call her that. Hasn’t called her that in a million years. It’s always ‘Sam’ this or ‘Sameen’ that. She cringes a little.

Root swings back around to look at her, still holding the bottle and still fucking bleeding. Shaw could have that fixed up in two freakin’ seconds if she’d just hold still but she doesn’t move to force her to treat it. Just stands where she is. Root just stares at her as she sips out of the glass before going to touch a hand to it, “Oh this? Just a bit of a tussle.”

She leans forward like it’s hilarious, “Some men couldn’t handle me but don’t worry, Shaw, I got them.”

“Oh for Christ’s sake,” Shaw grabs her med kit and forces Root to stay still. She was happily watching a hockey game on the screen before she’d heard the knock on her door and the surprising image of Root and blood and water dripping all over her and Joss’ nice wooden floors. She bandages and wipes at the bleeding and with a particular amount of care. She’s still training to be a doctor and she knows how to treat a patient’s injuries with gentle hands even when she’s angry and confused and wants to be anything but gentle.

Root barely looks at her when she does which, _again_ , is a sign that shit is definitely not okay because whenever Shaw gets within a step of Root’s personal space there’s usually the instant offhand remark and soulful scrutiny or whatever. She’d picked up something was wrong this morning but it’s not like Shaw was gonna stick around and become her therapist or anything.

She grimaces because the wound is actually pretty deep. 

“Who was the fight with, Root?” She asks with some reproach. She feels a bit of irritation. She would love to find this dude and _really take care of him_ if Root hadn’t already. Looks like the work of a total dbag. Plus, she’s getting real tired of people threatening to beat up Root.

 

The girl was a danger magnet.

 

“A guy who doesn’t like me kissing his girlfriend,” Root says.

 

Shaw stops moving and looks down at Root. Root observes her face and remarks, coolly, “Apparently you don’t like me kissing his girlfriend either.”

Shaw just shakes her head, extra annoyed, but goes back to work. It doesn’t need stitches but damn near does.

Not like she and Root are exclusive or whatever… Root just didn’t seem the type to _want_ to kiss other people is all. That’s why Shaw’s feeling like she could murder someone right now. Probably just caught her off guard.

 

Wow is she pissed.

 

She doesn’t say anything just finishes wrapping Root’s head and turns away, curtly. Shaw grabs a beer from her fridge, slams the door then goes back to her couch. She plans on ignoring Root and watching her damn game. Maybe Root—pitiful wet and bleeding Root—will get the hint and actually leave for once. 

(She doesn’t.) 

She hears a dry laugh in the corner of the room and turns and sees Root – drinking again and looking like she just escaped out of a loony bin somewhere.

Shaw doesn’t give a shit.

“That’s a lie,” Root touches the bandaging, carefully at first then laughs harder and it bubbles into something very, very humorless, “I did it.” 

Shaw straightens up and stares at Root.

She’s so confused. She’s got no idea what’s going on. Root’s eyes watch darkly at everything around them. The stupid game and the TV buzzes and Shaw quickly moves her hand to grab the remote and turn it off.

“I got…” Root watches her as she stands up and walks back over, more tentative than before. Not the Shaw she wanted. She wants the Shaw who’ll punch, bruise and fuck and then forget everything. That’s the Shaw she needs. Root rolls her wrist, “…carried away.” 

“Why?”

Root feels the stabbing pain in her head for the first time and she feels her own heart beating, like something gone rabid in her chest. It was better before, being numb. Using the pain to control something else sicker and darker inside of her. Her skin’s crawling. She pulls Shaw in and pushes their mouths together, forcing an unresponsive Shaw closer by tugging the fabric of her shirt.

She moves and digs her fingers in unrelentingly into tan skin and if it hurts Shaw, she doesn’t show it, “You said you don’t care.”

Shaw looks upset again and she pushes out of Root's grip. Properly separating them. 

“I didn’t come here because I want you to care,” Root says, angrily. Her fingers push carefully at the buttons of her wet shirt and then she pulls them off and waits. She sees Shaw looking out of the corner of her eye.

She came here because she feels like either dying or forgetting and the first thing didn’t work.

“I know you can hurt me,” Root states, getting impatient— “And I know you might even get off on it too.”

Shaw rolls her eyes, “I’m not doing that.”

“I don’t care if you care about me. You’ve already said you can’t and I didn’t come here for that. I came for the girl who would actually do something useful for once,” Root bit back.

She saw the anger flash in Sameen’s eyes but she didn’t move. Just stayed stiff and reluctant and maybe even kind of guilty looking on the couch. Root pushed her until she fell down on her back and felt her stomach pull at the sight of the shocked look on Shaw’s face.

Root walked over slowly and moved a shaky hand towards Shaw’s neck and saw the slight nod the girl gave her, putting mild pressure to her throat. Watched it constrict under her thumb and fingers.

She wanted to be hurt but hurting felt good too. Root didn’t know it would. Root squeezed and she felt more inside of her then any normal person would or could. She could escape it all for just a moment. The constant nightmares coded into Root, who is Root and not-Root at the same time. Who is everybody and nobody.

Shaw’s hand moved to hers and Root relaxed her grip, watched as the older girl breath strenuously under her with rough pants.

Root had thought of hurting people before but not now and not here. She’d thought of hacking things. Places. Systems she could break into or even change into viruses. She could make anything happen. Take a hit on someone. Make it look like an accident.

Felt anger like bile in her stomach and alcohol and adrenaline buzzing through her blood, the skin underneath her fingers so willing: red patches of irritation in the shapes of her fingernails that would tomorrow become unexplainable bruises. There was the dizzying good feeling of having control, once again, over something.

 

“Feel better?” Shaw asked, voice hoarse.

 

Root nodded dumbly. Slowly. Whatever chaotic feelings had been driving her started to slow and numb for a second. Hurting. Hurt.

 

Hands reached around her back and pulled her down. Root gave into the stronger hands and let them hold her. She stared at Shaw who knew no fear, knew no panic or concern over her own safety. Just saw everything as a new, exciting challenge. Shaw took pain without complaint.

She felt her skin go hot, her eyes warm and wet with a few tears. She wasn’t crying, wouldn’t let herself cry. Only scream and carry what she’d seen with her. The hands moved in circles on her skin.

Shaw stared up at her, still confused as hell but strangely comforting in her own strength. Root had wished to have the power Shaw was born with—to turn everything off. To not feel anything. She wondered if she couldn’t feel if… if Hanna would have ever mattered to her, ever haunted her.

She let out a choked noise and those hands moved from her back to cup her face.

“Whatever it is,” Shaw said, “I’m here.”

Root gave two short nods. She closed her eyes again and felt exhausted. Hands gripped her and lifted her up until she had her back pressed against the side of the couch cushions. She leaned down and gripped her knees to her chest and rested her head against them.

Shaw watched quietly but didn’t move other than to sit near her.

 

“I have to go,” Root’s voice was weak but she stood up.

“By yourself?” Shaw watched her too before waiting a second and standing up after her.

 

“I have to-” Root grabbed her wet clothes to put back on but Shaw stopped her.

 

 _A bad night_. Just _one_ badnight. Out of hundreds.

 

“I have dry clothes, ok? Borrow them.” Shaw went to her room to grab clothing for Root to change into. Root slipped them on fast and dropped her wet ones in a pile.

She slipped towards the door, dry clothes on and the wet ones soaking into her arms as she held them.

 

“And Root-“

 

She looked back and even though Shaw usually looked so strong, like she could easily carry the whole world on her shoulder without a breath of complaint, she looked startlingly small for a second. Her eyes wide and face perplexed and worried. So clearly worried.

How could she think she feels nothing when the opposite is always written on her face? Root felt a stirring in her chest. She couldn’t handle that look.

“Don’t-“ Shaw fumbled between choosing her words, “ _Be safe_.”

 

It was nicer than saying ‘don’t hurt yourself’ or maybe easier, Root wasn’t sure.

 

She walked away and closed the door swiftly behind her.

 


	11. I know I got a bad reputation / walking 'round, always mad reputation / leave a pretty girl sad reputation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK MY LOVES, HELLOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! And I was going to post new lyrics from Drake's album but then these Kanye's ones for Shaw cracked me uupppppppp (Shaw IS excited about the new album drop but she's got some other stuff on her mind so she's too preoccupied anyways)

Valedictorian. Apparently it means _vale dicere_ , ‘to say farewell’ in Latin. Now Shaw’s not too big on saying goodbyes so maybe it’s a little ironic that she wants the job. She also can’t picture standing in front of a huge crowd of people and saying some lousy speech in anything other than a monotone voice. Not a great speech-giver, that Shaw. She _definitely_ wants to win. Yeah, because she’s a winner. Shaw wants to be the best. Shaw’s technical abilities are beyond most people and she’s going to be a killer doctor, that’s for sure. So she’ll give the stupid speech because being the best is ultimately worth it.

The only problem is her grades have been dropping like flies this semester what with all the… distractions. Shaw hands go to touch her neck every few seconds or so. She can’t help it. She flips through another page of the textbook. Her mind is too preoccupied to get any actual work done.

It was also terrible this morning when she had class and she had to run to CVS on the way to campus and buy cover-up. She got some funny looks though and maybe even a few _concerned_ ones which made her hurry up the sale and then put it on in the car. The dumb tone doesn’t even match her skin well so it looks a little weird, dark and blotchy all over her neck.

 

She gets a text later that day: “ _Have you seen Root? She has stopped responding to my messages and appears to have gone **AWOL**_.”

 

To be honest, the space wasn’t the worst thing in the world. 

It gave Shaw a chance to clear her head, settle into her own spaces again. She wasn’t lonely or anything. AND DEFINITELY NOT CONCERNED. She had no reason to be concerned—so what if Root had flipped out over nothing and out of _nowhere_ and since when has Shaw ever understood anything Root’s ever done before, anyway? She said she’d be there for her and Root doesn’t want her to be there for her, so what good is Shaw? AND AGAIN, _she’s not lonely_ …this is for the best. It’s about time Root realized Shaw wasn’t any good for her. She’d rejected the girl’s devotion and then received a set of bruises to the neck instead. Maybe Root had learned and finally seen Shaw for who she really was—then decided she didn’t need that in her life.

 _‘I came for the girl who would actually do something useful for once’_ she’d said. And she was right. It’s not like that hurt or anything. Shaw doesn’t have feelings you can hurt and she doesn’t get lonely or upset—just angry.

She remembers that movie _Blades of Glory_ (hey! She only saw it because she was with other people who wanted to watch it…) where Will Ferrell’s character gets that ‘lone wolf’ tattoo on his back and Shaw’s pretty sure if it didn’t look so ridiculous… she could do the same. She likes being on her own. Being on your own is cool.

 

Until it’s boring.

 

And then it’s time to drink again. Or smoke. So that night, she puts on some dark eyeliner around her eyes and throws on one of Reese’s varsity football tanks. She stole it from him a long time ago, really, and it still had his old number and name on the back of it. It didn’t smell like him but it did still smell a little like wet grass, even after she’d washed it about a hundred times.

And she threw on a jacket because it was still kind of chilly. Not that she cared. Shaw could handle cold weather. Especially when she drunk, high and numb and right now that’s what she needed to be. If she wasn’t either of those things then she couldn’t be held accountable for what she’d shoot out of mere boredom, maybe a few city pigeons… maybe the collection of glass bottles that has accumulated around the flat.

The night’s cold but it only makes Shaw more determined to arrive at one of the campus parties. 

She gets there, finds a heating lamp and then chats up the first, dumbstruck frat guy she can find. She also recognizes him from the football team and he’s got his Crimson Six t-shirt on.

“Woah, so you know Reese too?” He asks, recognizing the number and name on her tank. The guy walks over and Shaw’s surprised he’s chatting her up first, he seemed like the strong and silent type whenever they’d run into each other before. 

“Yeah, I do. He’s my sometimes partner in crime. You?” Root was her main partner in crime now—or had been—but the positions free now, Shaw figures. No one wants it now. Plus even if someone did ‘fill’ in the spot who knows? Maybe they’d go abroad or decide that just casual hook-ups weren’t enough for them and eventually leave her like everyone else does… why bother finding people anyway?

The guy shrugged but answered casually, “He’s a pretty great player. My name’s Devon Grice. We’ve met before by the way.”

She nodded. Devon Grice. Now she could connect the face to the name, Devon was a big guy, black scruff on his head and cheeks. He kinda looked like he could have been a serious hipster if he had gone to another school or hung out with another crowd. But as far as Shaw knows, he could have a secret collection of fedoras and glasses somewhere in his dorm. When it comes to football, he looks big enough to turn another man into a pancake. 

They end up spending more time catching up and making jokes about Reese and Shaw finally gets a chance to drink when she steals a handle of patron from one of the busy party-goers.

They sit outside one of the balconies in the frat house and watch the other people dancing below them.

Grice looks down and spots a pretty blonde, points her out.

“See her?”

“Yeah.” Shaw nods then takes another huge sip.

“That’s Brooks. She’s something special.” His dopey smile turns into a bigger, more sheepish grin. Shaw pokes at him and laughs.

“You like her then, big guy?”

“Brooks?” He thinks it over and takes another sip of his beer. Shaw’s not impressed with his drinking abilities, she’s downed way more than this dude but he also slunk off somewhere to pack a bowl with his friends and came back even more _relaxed_. It’s a new side to Devon. She likes it. 

The night air is biting at her arms again but she barely feels it now that she’s actually had something to drink. She peeks out below the balcony and sees the blonde—tall, seems very businesslike in her walking around the party. Probably just as uptight as Devon so she sees it could work in his favor. Looks like she can handle herself here even though she’s alone. Like Shaw.

“She’s pretty much against that kind of thing… doesn’t want us dating.” He shrugs again but looks like he’s shaking off what he really wants to say. 

Shaw’s not sure when she became the kind of person who _could tell_ what another person was thinking when it came to emotions and she’s half-sure she got that from Carter, Reese and…yeah, Root. Root’s the one who’s good at reading people. Can figure people out.

(To her, people are like third grade equations and Root’s a Fields Medal-level Mathematician. Easy, predictable and _again_ incredibly easy to ‘crack’ and manipulate to your will. While Shaw’s off to the side, still scratching her head because people seem inexplicable and dumb and you’re just better off pushing them out of the way when you want to get something done…it’s their own dumb fault for standing in the way all the time, get outta the fucking way!)

She feels another shiver and runs her hands over her arms.

“Go and drink with her then, idiot.”

“Brooks isn’t down for that kind of thing…”

“Then be the kind of dude she’d want to be down with! You can’t just sit up here moping around with me if the girl you’re actually interested in is down there. Let me train you on a few things, buddy… girls will never notice you if you don’t at least _approach_ them and secondly, what you need to know about girls is that you _know nothing about girls_.” Shaw smirked and thought about how little _she_ felt like she knew about girls right now. She’d been messing around with an enigma wrapped inside of a hot nerd and now she’s back to square one. So what does she know?

But she can probably do one better than Devon Grice. At least there’s that.

 

“SHAW?” 

 

Shaw had been determined to make Devon leave and go see Brooks but she turned around and saw Reese, hand pressed to the side of the sliding door- and looking at her. He seemed unnecessarily stunned. 

Like he’d just found a lost komodo dragon that escaped from the zoo or something…

Shaw gave him a tiny wave.

“And Devon? Hey.” He stepped over and gave Devon a firm shake. A one hand, one shake-shake. Like a manly man shake, Shaw reasoned. Or like, what a professional businessman would do when he’s sizing up an opponent. 

Shaw watched it go down and hid a smile behind her next big sip of tequila.

“What made you leave your cage, Shaw? Run out of liquor?” Reese asked, leaning against the back wall of the balcony. He wasn’t entirely wrong. Shaw nodded at him but gave him a somewhat serious glare. 

He was extremely bundled up and before Shaw could stop him, he was wrapping his fleece jacket over her. He still had a huge black overcoat that he’d been wearing over, that made him look like he was trying to steal important government files from a foreign embassy but Shaw refrained from making a judgey, sarcastic comment (just this once).

“Devon was just about to go and—talk to someone,” Shaw quickly explained as she pulled Devon up and forced him towards the door. Reese watched, sympathetically.

 

Once Devon was gone, he asked her:

“You okay? Where’s your little helper monkey?”

 

Shaw groaned.

“The one who must not be named? The Jerry to your Tom…”

“I’m Jerry, not Tom.”

“Sure.”

“But we’re not…” Shaw frowned then shrugged, “We’re not on great terms right now. Things have been weird lately, I don’t know…”

Reese moved from his spot on the wall and then came back over to the balcony ledge. Shaw joined the spot next to him, feeling a little better about the wind with his jacket on. They both stared down at Brooks and Devon, meeting up and then talking below. 

“Do you remember…how you owe me one?”

“Pttf. I think you owe me a lot more right now.”

“Car. Tracks. Gas.” Reese lifted his fingers as he listed. Shaw straightened up and started lifting her own fingers:

“Girl stalker. Boy stalker. Sorority mixer. Handsy Nancy—”

“The bet. That thing with Root—”

“ _Finch getting stuck in the laundry machine_!”

Shaw stared at him pointedly. She had him on this one.

Yeah, Finch got stuck and Shaw had to come in the middle of the night to free him (he’s a very smart man of course and she’s still not a hundred percent sure how it happened) and _how dare_ he mention that thing with Root. Root called him, not Shaw. She rolled her eyes then leaned back comfortable with being uncomfortable against the cold railing.

“Well, you owe me one. So just tell me this…” Reese sticks his hands into the sleeves of his big overcoat, looking strict and awkward and so very ‘Reese’, “ _Will you go talk to Root_?”

Shaw’s mouth dropped. She felt herself go from 0 to 100% pissed off. (Okay that’s a lie, Shaw’s usually at about a %15 anyway, she just sort of wakes up _that way_.)

“What the hell, Reese!”

“You owe me a favor and I don’t want to know why you’re fighting or what you’re fighting about… I just want you to talk to her. Try and fix things. I know you’re stubborn—”

Shaw rolled her eyes.

“Like _that_ but just do it for me.”

“It’s none of your damn business and I don’t owe you shit,” Shaw growled. Her hand with the bottle swung back and forth by her side, angrily. She could hear and feel the swish, swish. Her anger could build up in a dizzying way when it combined with booze and cold. 

Reese stared at her, seemed to be losing what Shaw had always assumed was an endless amount of patience and yet stiff posturing within him. She just stared right back. Annoyed and angry and maybe even a bit defensive. Mildly defensive. Whatever. 

“Finch and I tried already and there’s some stuff you don’t know about her, Shaw. Stuff Harold and Root know but I don’t know.”

“Hey, don’t tell me what I know and don’t know… Imean she told me one time about—“ and Shaw’s mind slowly wandered off as she actually remembered. It was hard remembering when her brain was starting to slow and rock like the hull of a ship on a storm front _but_ she did remember that night Root mentioned someone she’d loved who died and it had made Root really freak out. She also knew some vague stuff about her family or lacktherof. Basically Shaw was living on some limited, cryptic-ass info about the girl who seemed to—almost effortlessly (and a little scarily)—know _everything_ about her.

 

So Shaw asked, “Is it about her friend? The one who died?”

Reese blinked at her, “You’re really bad at keeping secrets aren’t you, Shaw?” he joked but then he nodded at her, “That’s what we think.”

 

Shaw sighed.

 

“I’ll go talk to her then,” she said, already feeling resigned to having to do it. 

Reese grinned. 

“You’re coming too, you idiot,” Shaw said before pulling him along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC...


	12. 16 shades of black and blue *short update!*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update update update!!!! I am happy to post this week's update(s) I ADDED A SECOND UPDATE because this is just how the chapters ended up dividing and this CHAPTER IS SHORT but the next one is longish (next time will probably be double-update too, IM WEIRD
> 
> It's also funny that a lot of people mostly don't write notes at the beginnings of their chapters? I don't know why but I love writing notes...haha i do it a lot i guess!!!!

_1am_.

 

Reese and Shaw knock on Root’s dorm room door for like five minutes with no answer. 

“She’s doing this on purpose,” Shaw scowls.

Reese leans into the door and puts on his nicest voice, “Hey…Root? Will you let us in we just want to check up on you. I’ll tell Shaw to play nice.”

 

Another five minutes…

 

“Screw this, I’m goin’ through the window.”

“What!”

“It’s nothing I just have to climb that tree outside and maneuver my way in. She leaves it open all the time anyway.”

Reese frowns.

“I’ve got this, buddy,” Shaw says, already heading towards the exit to the stairs.

“Who do you think you are, James Bond?” Reese calls after her.

“No, _I’m better_.”

 

She goes back outside and shivers. She’s still kind of drunk but whatever. This seems like the only kind of plan you make when you’re drunk.

She hasn’t climbed a tree since she was ten but if little kids can do it then she can do it. Two punks stumble past her and then laugh as they watch her go up the tree. They look too out of it to really know what’s going on. 

“Righteous!” One dude calls up to her. His friend begins laughing and Shaw just nods her head and ignores them.

“CAREFUL! It’s icy on the tiles,” another guy warns her.

“I got it, okay! I got it.” She tells them, pulling herself up and the tree kind of hurts her palms. She hates having a set of backseat drivers watching her every move. She makes it to the closest branch she can find and it still leaves some space between her and the window she’s about 90% sure is Root’s. If it’s someone else’s then this could get bad fast. 

She hears the boys hooting and cheering from below and she rolls her eyes but at least if she falls and breaks her head they can call the hospital.

She reaches up and shoves the little windowpane open enough to allow Shaw to shimmy through. It didn’t take as much exertion as she thought it would. 

“ROOT?” she calls out, once she’s got a leg in—and thank God, yes it’s Root’s room.

This is probably just as stupid as the night she streaked. 

Root looks like she wants to push Shaw right back out the window as she glares, legs crossed on her bed.

Shaw walks up to her, arms folded but a little proud of herself for getting in the room even when Root wouldn’t let them in.

“This isn’t Romeo & Juliet, Shaw, you can’t just go climbing up into peoples’ dorms rooms. I can call campus security and get you kicked out of here.” Root tells her. 

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m just here because you haven’t talked to anyone in a million years and they are worried about you.” 

“I’m so glad _they_ care,” Root leans back and puts her head back down against her pillow. She has her laptop out though so Shaw’s not sure if she was actually trying to sleep before or not. 

“You’re just being petulant now, Root,” Shaw said, taking on the mighty air of someone _who didn’t just climb a tree to break into someone’s dorm room_.

 

She didn’t come here tonight and put in all this effort to get into the dorm room _and then_ have to deal with a childish Root. She should probably let poor Reese in but Shaw thinks there’s still some stuff they need to talk about mano a mano before bringing in the big guns.

Root sighed, “I just wanted some time to think about things. I know I freaked you out.” 

“I don’t mind you freaking me out.” She said quite quickly and in a low, almost inaudible voice. Root raised an eyebrow in her direction. 

“Really?” She stood up, face still looking doubtful as hell and stepped closer. Shaw looked down at the floor, “Because you look and act like you want to run away every time I step _near_ you.”

Root carried on, lowering her voice, “Because if I even do this,” she cupped Shaw’s face beneath her hands, “You look like you’re going to run.” 

Shaw flinched and then shook off her flinch at the touch. Root let out a dry, bitter laugh.

It’s annoying how much she seemed to have the ball in her court right now.

 

“You’re still being petulant.”

“Maybe I’m just tired of feeling like I’m trying to hold on desperately to something I’m about to _lose_. Exhausted, even.”

“I’m right here, stop being crazy,” Shaw answered.

“Yeah you are and _God forbid_ I actually express how I feel about you,” Root tilted her head and Shaw had to admit… she was not enjoying how miserable her friend sounded.

“You’re so busy living in Shawland that you can’t see how much people care about you—not just me even though the feelings I’m not supposed to divulge in front of you are _overwhelming_ —but sure, Shaw, you are _so_ living a life without ties or close relationships. That’s why there are at least four people obsessing about you at all times. People who want you to be happy.”

Shaw wanted to jump right back out that window.

 

“I never asked for that!” she groaned and if yeah—okay, maybe she sounded hella defensive. 

“Just because you didn’t ask for it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” Root answers back coldly. Eyes cold too. Shaw is losing, losing so epicly. She feels her face heating up in anger and frustration and ugh ROOT!

“I can’t change who I am like a light switch! I’m not just going to suddenly be different and know what to do, I’m doing my best and if you think I’m running—“ 

“You _are_ running.”

“It you think I’m running, it’s because…” Shaw feels her chest tightening and she’s so lost for wordsand fuck fuck fuck she can’t talk about stuff like this, she’sfreakingout.

 

Root looks at her. Waiting.

 

“I’m _really bad at this stuff, Root_ ,” she said in loo of an answer. Running. Yes running… but people need to be… people can’t…Shaw doesn’t know. She’s never known and Root asking her to deal with this now—she might as well just time travel to the day Shaw’s Dad died and the EMT asked her if she needed help and she asked for a sandwich. Not a lot has changed since then in terms of her feelings-capability spectrum.

Except now she can’t even ask for a sandwich.

And she’s kinda hungry.

 

They heard a knock on the door from poor Reese and both shouted at him to go away for a while. 

“Are you working things out?” he called in.

Shaw stared at Root who still looked angry and she can’t imagine how those eyes that can look so beautiful when they’re happy and glowing and excited—can, hey let’s not lie, look just as equally hot and annoyingly so when they’re pissed at Shaw. The girl is fuming and it’s really the kind of energy Shaw can get behind. 

It’s that punch you or kiss you thing they got going really. 

Root leaned in to whisper to Shaw, “ _Wow_. And the others don’t even know a thing? How awful would it be if someone had to actually know that you, Sameen Shaw, deigned to be with me?”

Shaw rolled her eyes then, pissed as hell, went to the door and opened it. Reese looked between them both and looked confused.

“Hey Reese,” Shaw said loudly, “Maybe you can leave us alone for a few minutes?” 

“Probably hours,” Root said, flat-toned, from behind her. She stood over Shaw’s shoulder while Shaw silently pleaded with him to leave with her eyes.

Reese shrugged then gave a pointed look at Shaw before leaving. Shaw slammed the door and turned back on Root:

“What’s your problem? I’m not _hiding_ you, Root.”

“You spent a whole dinner guarding over me so that I would tell Joss a thing—”

“Yeah well _Joss knows_ , I told her a few weeks ago.” Shaw said, folding her arms and yes, thank god. She finally got at least one victorious jab in. Root looked surprised but not done yelling like a foot away from Shaw’s face.

“Good! I didn’t know that!”

“Yeah! Well you’ve been avoiding _me_ and acting nuts!”

“I wouldn’t be nuts if I wasn’t trying to figure out what the hell it is you want from me on any given week! What’s going to scare Sam away now? Why is she begging me not to stop one minute and then giving me a cold shoulder the next!?!”

“You’re giving me the cold shoulder _now_ ,” Root blinked and then looked like she was thinking that one over. Like maybe she was wrong. Shaw let out a relieved sigh. 

She adds, “You’re mad at me all the time too. It’s not like I’m the only one here who doesn’t always make sense! You showed up on my door bleeding and I still don’t even know why—you said you’re afraid you freaked me out but then you disappear on me when I’m most—” Shaw stops herself from saying _worried_ because that’s dumb. She doesn’t get worried. 

Root looks up at her and she looks a little paler than before they fought.

 

“I’m sorry,” Root said, quietly.

They both probably looked tired and pissed. Shaw’s a little turned on ‘cause damn Root is really hot when she’s angry but she’s keeping that to herself.

“And thanks for these,” Shaw says. She pulls down the hoody of her sweatshirt to show off the marks around her neck. Root looks and then moves in closer to slowly brush fingertips against them.

“ _Wow_ ,” She says a bit breathlessly and Shaw’s eyes watch hers as she leans in to see them.

Shaw’s not saying she wouldn’t be down for stuff like this but like, don’t storm in on a girl in clear emotional distress asking for it. Root can choke her all she wants when she’s not in clear emotional turmoil—oh and man, that’s a sentence that if Shaw’s family ever heard it, they’d be scandalized and outraged and maybe even kick her out of her damn house. 

The brown-haired girl’s eyes move back up to Shaw’s and she feels her heartbeat against her chest faster.

“Whatever we’re doing we gotta talk about it—we can’t just keep disappearing on each other… we _both_ don’t like that.”

 

Root smiles a little, “Okay.”

Her fingers rub against the marks and they feel kind of warm and nice on her skin.

“Back on?” Shaw asked nervously.

Root stared at the little marks then moved her fingers over them again, pressing deep into them where her fingers had dug in before. Shaw jumped up a little but then laughed.

 

“Back on,” she agreed, biting her lip. Her eyes didn’t leave the black and blue.

“You’re so not sorry for that,” Shaw said realizing as she looked at Root’s happy expression. The girl could at least be _a little apologetic_ about it.

 

Root just hummed in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shaw and Root? They are about as subtle as a fire alarm...


	13. Like A Virgin

There was a push and shove between them that anyone could see.

 

Joss knew about it the second she put all the puzzle pieces together: the slight looks, the adoring eyes, the long touches. The fact that Shaw was somehow altering little by little and she knew it would take a great kind of influence for that to happen. Shaw didn’t just change. She hadn’t in the two and a half years she’d known her but she’d seen how Root had began to make slight differences in Shaw.

Reese saw it one day a few weeks ago when they were all eating lunch together off-campus at a Mexican restaurant. He was telling them the details of one of his nights with Joss to meet her family when he’d excused himself to go to the bathroom after having shared too many margaritas.

When he walked back, Root was leaning into Shaw’s shoulder and whispering into her ear.

They pulled apart when he came back but looked distracted. And that’s how it had become over the weeks, a push-and-pull. Secretive glances that weren’t all that secretive, weird bruises and cuts that were _definitely not_ accidental.

If that hadn’t confirmed it then the large screaming match about their relationship did the trick. 

But John didn’t care and he really didn’t want to talk about it with them either. 

 

He brought it up to Finch though, over a cup of coffee and box of munchkins. 

“Is it just me or is our little computer genius and future doctor becoming quite close?” He said with an air of enigma that always seems to incase the words the man said.

Finch peered over at him and looked quite surprised. He had his fingers on a keyboard to one of his computers, a nice piece of equipment as far as John could tell but he was more about luxury cars and cameras anyway.

“Ms. Groves and Ms. Shaw?” Finch looked completely caught off guard. John kind of pitied him. He thought it’d become pretty obvious. He wouldn’t even have necessarily brought up the unnecessary relationship if he hadn’t thought Finch knew already.

 

  1.     They couldn’t keep their hands off each other.
  2.     Root looked at Shaw like she was in complete and utter love. Also like she was going to rip her clothes off at any minute if she wasn’t already doing it mentally…
  3.     Constant glances and touches.
  4.     Going off together for ‘alone’ time.
  5.     Definitely having sex. Lots of it.
  6.     ??????? Dating???????



 

It was incredibly obvious. The dating one stumped him though because he didn’t think Shaw was really interested in it.

She was different around Root though and it made John believe that maybe Shaw had somehow gone against her inner nature and gotten a… _girlfriend_. Her with a girlfriend, huh?

Root was a geeky genius hacker with absolutely no moral compass as far as he could see. Shaw could be a bit numb to feelings. He suspected under her hard shell was—well, another hard shell but perhaps underneath that shell was a girl capable of _sometimes_ feelings. If she was completely incapable of feelings wouldn’t she be on a murder rampage somewhere? A cold-blooded killer? Shaw’d be good at that. He had to admit it. 

Finch blinked.

 

“Yes, Harold, isn’t it quite obvious?” _Incredibly._

 

“Well, I suppose Root does seem rather attuned to the other girl’s movements, feelings and reverberations. However, I safely assume that Shaw could never return such unaltered adoration, it seems too confining for her more languorous life style.” 

“Lots of adverbs, Finch, but I’m not convinced. I think it’s time you wake up and smell the gay coffee. They are definitely together I just can’t decide if they are really exclusive or not,” John raised an eyebrow up at him. 

Finch nodded his head.

 

“I suppose it’s possible.”

 

Shaw sprawled out on top of Root’s bed and pulled the frustrated girl underneath her, pinning her hands away easily. She leaned down and connected their lips, humming into their kiss. 

Root groaned and her frustrated wiggling created space for Shaw to move—even more—in between her legs. She let out a bright laugh.

“ _Must be so difficult_ having that _itch_ you just can’t scratch,” Shaw taunted then she pressed her leg pointedly and Root let out an embarrassingly loud moan. She caught the next noise with her lips and yes; Shaw was definitely getting a kick out of the payback thing.

 

Root didn’t want to have sex? _Fine._

 

Shaw was going to kill her.

 

“I—“ Root struggled under her, “We—need to-“

The older girl leaned up to pull her sweater off in a quick push and the face she got for it… so worth it. Root looked shocked and angry at the same time.

Shaw just shrugged and smirked back at her. 

“We need to stop?” She asked, playfully wiggling her sweater in front of her. Then she reached up and took her own shirt off. She knew what effect it would have. Wore a leopard print and bra and everything just for the special occasion of having her tongue in someone else's mouth for an extended period of time. Plus to quote that girl from the movie Root forced her to watch with her she was "pretty confident about all of this".

She watched in amusement as basically _all_ of Root’s brain activity shut down and Root bit down on her own lip, scanning over everything she’d already seen before. Shaw wondered why it was so exciting for her still. She knows she’s got like, a killer body, or whatever but she’s just one person. If Shaw were Root she’d already be itching for the ‘new’ thing. She rubbed at Root’s exposed stomach and felt soft skin. The younger girl had a different body then hers but not any less enjoyable. She was tall and Shaw could feel some toning on her stomach that she liked that she was the only one who would know was even there (AND was Root doing secret crunches in her spare time? Is it from the movement of her moving up and down while finding a new, more comfortable position with her laptop? Shaw's tried to get her to go on runs or gym sessions and all she got was an angry glare for even asking). Whatever other secrets Root had, it didn't matter. Shaw could easily imagine all the boys in her med classes DYING to take her place right now... 

… Oh that’s why Root isn’t bored with seeing Shaw shirtless. Because it’s awesome, it’s all awesome. She has no complaints about hovering over a hot, flustered and shirtless Root. The girl stared back up at her with a certain intensity that made Shaw's stomach twist and ache and she couldn't help but grin like a dumb idiot in return. 

“Finch and Reese are waiting,” Root said—totally killing their party, Shaw might add. 

Shaw rolled her hips because _how are you thinking about them right now_? Am I not doing my job correctly? Root shouldn’t be having thoughts. She should be dazed and confused, like that movie. Should be completely and utterly distracted and wrecked.

“There goes my boner,” Shaw jokes. She releases Root’s hands anyway and the younger girl springs up, using the surprise and momentum to run her hands through Shaw’s hair—cupping her head and bringing her back in for a rough kiss. 

 

“ _That’s the good thing about you_ ,” Root licks her lips, “You’re always down.”

 

“And now offended.”

 

Root laughs but her voice is thicker and it catches Shaw off guard again in a sexy way. In a ‘why are we stopping?’ sexy way. She could listen to Root’s sexed up voice any day of the week, any time. Oh maybe that’s exactly what Root’s talking about. Damnit, Shaw’s not down anytime. She’s just down when Root’s down. 

They’re both hella down.

What’s the problem?

Shaw keeps her eyes on Root’s in a challenge and then bends over to bite her shoulder, hard. The girl’s grip tightens on her head but she lets out a pleased, way-too-short whimper. Shaw feels a swell of pride though. She’s finally putting all those anatomy lectures to good use. The world is lucky that Shaw likes to mostly receive pain versus her giving it because, _hey_ , a sociopath with a scalpel who likes _giving_ pain?  The world would be under her rule in _no time_. ‘The doctor will see you now’ indeed. And it's probably just better in the end with Shaw liking pain instead of liking to  _hurt_ people or actively enjoying hurting people because she can't imagine a world in which she shoots or kills someone in front of Root-- and the girl still liking her afterwards. Much less accompanying her for hot makeout seshes on her bed, couch, kitchen counter, the floor, a beanbag chair and the washer and dryers...

The embarrassing thing about getting like, _this intense_ with someone and then not doing anything about it _with them_ but still feeling achingly turned on… is Shaw’s basically got to do the job herself.

Which, yes, is exactly what she’s implying. She’s signing herself up for no bootycall hell and basically torturing herself because all Root does is get her riled up and then leave her hanging out to dry. Not particularly dry though.

Shaw sighs as she thinks about it because yikes.

She should have possibly negotiated it so that she could _at least_ do all the foreplay and then pick up a dude later to suit her _other_ needs but she’s already thought about it and it just wouldn’t work. Root was a certain level of ‘something’ and Shaw would never admit it in a hundred years but it wouldn’t be easy to replace her in this area… 

NEVER could ROOT know. NEVER.

But how could you go from ‘A++’ foreplay to ‘B’ through possible ‘D’ levels of actual sex? Shaw could do it, sure, but how would she even coordinate it and goddamn she must be horny if she’s trying to—Root in one room and a boy in the other? Sorry, Root looks like I must get my needs met in this other room now. Don’t come in. _Or do_. It’s up to you. 

Root tilts her head at her, curious. Her knees are bended behind her as she invades Shaw’s personal space some more, shirt still off. Which is a nice view for Shaw.

“What’s going on?” She asks looking all too amused at Shaw's sudden quietness slash preoccupation with her own thoughts. Shaw might be all red right now but that’s embarrassing as hell so she hopes not.

 

“N-nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing,” Root presses further, smile extending wider across her face. 

“Just thinking about...Finch and Reese.” 

Root’s mouth opens in an outrage: “Ew, y _ou better_ _not_. I know what that look on your face means, I’ve been around you making it plenty of times…”

Her smirk widens and Shaw groans.

“What?” she doesn’t even want to ask but she does. 

Root looks at her, “ _Very turned on_ ,”

“And who’s to blame for that?” Shaw accused. She starts moving away but Root captures her—jumping onto her back and wrapping her in long arms.

“Me,” she singsongs and doesn’t sound particularly apologetic about this either. They both struggle and fight and they like to fight in bed so Shaw’s not all that surprised about it. Keyed up though, yeah. So when Root accidentally feels the evidence of how turned on she is, Shaw lets out a strained breath and is pretty sure she’s going to die. 

 

Root’s just as affected by this as she is though, going stiff then her breathing speeding up by Shaw's ear. It’s also not exactly the _first time_ this has happened and the other has noticed. They get hot n’ heavy with the make out stuff, Root says no. The usual. 

Shaw peeks back up and Root is red as fuck. No more smirky-face, no more ‘too hot to trot’ nerdling behavior. Root coughs quietly and Shaw sees she still hasn’t moved yet.

They both stare at each other and it feels so awkward yet charged that Shaw has absolutely no idea what to say or do.

“I could…” Root speaks softly, voice still thick from before, “I could do you.”

Shaw blinks then nods quickly.

“I mean—“ Root looks flushed and Shaw pulls her close before she changes her mind. 

“Do me,” Shaw agrees. Their lips move together as Root tries to reason about how they’re going to do this, Shaw’s just trying to get her to do it before she backs the fuck out. She needs this. She pulls her shorts off the rest of the way.

 

“That’s sex though—“

“Sure is!”

“I said no sex until…” Root looks like she’s lost her train of thought again and Shaw kisses her encouragingly, hoping she’ll get distracted enough to—whoops, here’s sex! Not a problem! Consensual and awesome sex with adults!

Root pulls away though and Shaw groans loudly at the loss. The eyes on hers are so serious, “I haven’t-” 

“What?” Shaw asks and it might have come out a little aggressive. Like Root said, turned on, very turned on. 

 

Kinda dying. Going to have to _leave_ and deal with it herself if Root doesn’t.

 

“Haven’t had sex before,” Root says.

 

 _WHAT_.


	14. The L-word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw.

_WHAT_.

 

Shaw’s brain short circuits and brown eyes stare into hers, looking kind of guilty but also nervous and cute and damn, Shaw loves her eyes. Definitely gets kind of lost in them. They go from intense to adorable in a very short amount of time and then _damn_ sexy when she’s pinned under Shaw. 

But, oops. That’s a distraction.

“Like a…?”

Root rolls her eyes at having to finish the phrase, “Virgin.”

Shaw can’t even remember the last time she was one of those. Happened so long ago. So many men in between then and now. All kinds of times were had. Good times, bad times. (Weird times, kinky times, oops he’s married times, I just did it for the car times, times that she didn’t really like to talk about but held in uncomfortable memory that she hadn’t quite learned how to erase yet times.) 

She always makes jokes about Root being a nerd or a hot nerd or a nerdling or you know, whatever, but she also has the kissing skills of a high price call girl (IN THE MOST COMPLIMENTARY WAY OKAY) and Shaw literally had no idea she’s never done the do before. Shaw’s done the do enough times for both of them so it should be okay…

_It kinds of explains the whole waiting forever until Shaw dies out of sexual frustration thing though._

“You look like you’re freaking out,” Root says, worriedly. A hand moves through Shaw’s hair and brushes it back. Maybe trying to rope her back into the real people world. 

“Uhmhmmm, yeah.” 

“This changes things?” Root asked on, pressingly. She looked really, really concerned now. Her eyes went down Shaw’s body just once like she was trying to mentally save it while she could.

Dumb. Shaw wouldn’t run ‘cuz someone’s a virgin.

 

She’d run because someone’s a virgin and because she’s never had sex with a girl before so, OH GOD, there’s… _that_. 

Neither of them knows what the hell they are doing!

“ _What the hell, Root!!!!_ I thought _you_ knew what you were doing?”

“I mean, I’ve watched porn and read fanfiction so I can sort of get the gist even without prior experience, but…”

“Well! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING,” Shaw practically screamed.

Yeah, sure she’d kissed girls before but she’d never wanted to or felt the need to go further with any of them and now she’s suddenly expected to be the expert or something, like she’s a regular on _The L Word_ or something? Shaw suddenly felt the pressure that she’d sworn she wouldn’t feel. Shit, she’s not sure what the hell she’s supposed to be doing and like—what if she _scars_ Root for life or something? And not in a sexy way.

Root throws her a funny look like, ‘are you seriously panicking right now?’ look. Then Shaw realizes that panicking is stupid and like, since when has she ever panicked? She doesn’t, she’s Shaw.

She can pretty much do anything.

“We got this,” She lies.

Root looks at her with some spectrum of disbelief on her face, eyes narrowed. But she also adds, “But I was going to say that I don’t want to have sex if we’re just doing it as fuckbuddies. That’s not how I want my first time to go.” 

“You can’t be fuckbuddies if you aren’t even fu-” 

Root gave her another serious look so Shaw shut up. Then she continued onwards anyway, “So you’d want us to be…”

They both waited in awkward quiet while Shaw tried to say the word that her brain just wouldn’t let her say. There was the tiny noise of a playlist going on Root’s computer behind them and maybe a bird whistling…

“You can’t even _say_ it, _really??!?!_ ” Root made an exasperated face then towered over Shaw’s, looking down with love and dual annoyance, “I’d want you to be my girlfriend, my _girlfriend_ , I’d want you, Sameen Shaw to actually admit we’re dating and _date me_ and then I’d want to fuck you—Sameen Shaw, my girlfriend’s—brain’s out until you forgot there was once a time where we, as girlfriends, weren’t dating.”

Shaw looked around the room uneasily, as though someone else were going to pop out of thin-air and create the perfect excuse for her to slowly leave…

Root groaned again.

“I want to date you. And not just sorta date you but _actually_ date you.” She said as though the clarification would help.

“Dating…”

“Yes.”

“Girlfriends?”

“Mhm.”

“ _Root_ …” Shaw was drawing so many blanks right now, “I don’t know.”

“I’ll do whatever you want to do but yes, my ultimate preference is that you date me and it’s not like I’m asking for you to get down on one knee and propose marriage—“ 

Shaw looked deeply and utterly horrified at the thought.

Root wondered how many more blows her ego could take before she ultimately unraveled. She felt like she was trying to play jedi mind tricks on Sameen right now or something—U, DATE ME MUST. SAM. 

“I didn’t lose it my first time to someone I was dating,” Shaw said with a laugh and like it was super obviously not important.

“You’ve never dated anyone to begin with,” Root replied simply. Because it’s true. She secretly worried that Shaw was going to say she _had_ in fact dated someone and then Root was going to have to secretly plot against that person until the day they died because just imagining another person touching her not-girlfriend made her feel like going a little psycho… it made the line between Root and the tougher girl inmates on _Orange Is The New Black_ slowly diminish.

Shaw nodded in agreement.

“And I turned out fine!” Shaw said.

“ _Just let me date you_ ,” Root said, frustrated. 

Shaw laughed.

“Fine,” she said, between laughs. Root’s whole body straightened up, she looked absolutely euphoric and it made Shaw a hell of a lot more worried about agreeing all the sudden.

Whatever, labels. Just labels. Dating isn’t like… _permanent_. You can _stop_ dating someone if you want to. Breaking up, right? Isn’t that what it’s called? Shaw’s never even dated someone or attempted to so even if she’d heard about break-ups, it’s not like she can’t _get out of this_ if she wanted to. She’s not conscripted to this relationship with Root! She can leave like whenever. It’s just something people call each other when they feel lonely or horny and you’re the person they call so you come over and you’re their, _ugh_ , their girlfriend. Gross. 

She expected another rant about how great this was or something from the girl but instead she felt Root pin her down and kiss her hard.

She was kissing everything into her, every speech, every romantic blah blah. Shaw enjoyed it for what it was and because it felt really damn good.

 _The death of her freedom._ She might have said yes because she’s really ready to move on from just making out (her brain is feeling kind of foggy right now with all the sex-depravation) but Shaw’s not entirely sure and now with Root’s lips on her, she’s got a problem with her head spinning all over the place. And now lips on her neck and hands on her hips, pulling her closer and Shaw grinds on the body above hers and groans. 

Between an open-mouthed kiss on Shaw’s collarbone, where her mouth had been opening again to bite and bruise at, Root asks, “Exclusive?”

She bites back down and Shaw lets out a shudder.

“Y-yes.” 

Root smiles into the next kiss she places on Shaw’s lower hip. Shaw can feel her bubbly energy and it doesn’t particularly excite her to be...ugh, dating…but she likes this feeling, likes the risk and reward method of it all. And Root’s paying her back, like _really_ paying her back. 

She feels brown curls against her chest and lips pressing against her heart, two separate sets of fingertips gripping into her back and tugging her closer. Root looks at her playfully and moves them to grip her butt which has Shaw making all kinds of dumb, pleasured noises and Root pulls so her body is grinding up on Root’s, red lips flushed from kissing, meeting hot skin.

Shaw feels like Root is three seconds from writing ‘MINE’ all over with blood or something.

 _Possessiveness_ , it’s kinda crazy. Kinda nuts. 

But definitely _hot_. 

Shaw pulls her face back up to kiss her. All the teasing is kind of killing her, she was past teasing about an hour ago and now she’s straight up about to lose it.

She leans forward and tugs so that she’s grabbed Root and shuffled her, onto her back, in front of her. Root bites her lip and looks up at her. Goddamn this woman.

“You’re incredible, you know that?” Shaw asks, voice husky.

Root rolls her eyes. 

“No really,” Shaw leans over and kisses before she gets to where she really wants… she tugs off Root’s jeans and slips them off then goes back up to kiss and bite at pale thighs. Root moves into the nips and she smiles as she licks up and up towards sensitive thighs. Root’s pained whimper is a perfect response to get in return. 

She bites on the inner thighs and Shaw’s glad all that anxiety about what to do and who should do what and what is what is gone because she’s a warrior and Shaw can handle battle, can probably handle fires and gunshots. She pushes Root until her thighs are wrapped around her own waist, does the maneuvering herself. 

“ _Amazing_ ,” She says, looking over at Root’s eyes and the girl looks so lost for once that Shaw’s really glad she took over today, _really glad_. She’s going to make this awesome for her.

“And you know what I like about your body, Root?” She slips her underwear off with no more show and presses a finger in, feeling the girl move erratically beneath her, her breathing pick up. Shaw doesn’t think it took her very long the first time she had sex with someone but even if this one doesn’t last long, the next ones sure as hell will.

 

Root looks up at her, eyelids heavy, “ _What?”_ she asks a little breathlessly.

Shaw smirks and leans down, kissing and biting, “Everything.”

She answers simply.

It doesn’t take long for the girl to unravel beneath her, to hear her cry out _Sameen_ as her hips shake and guide careful fingers. But Shaw knew the first one would come easy and that’s why she’s only too excited to wring out many more, leaning in to kiss and lick and she feels thin fingers curl into her hair to pull her in closer and she gasps hot breaths in return into sensitive skin.

“F-fuck, Sameen,”

“I’ve never even done this before,” Shaw says with a laugh but it’s not like she’s not a very _kinesthetic_ learner. She’s also had it done to her—lots. Shaw’s pretty good at teaching so she should have known she’d be good the other way around. 

Root gets desperate, Shaw pushes her hips down and controls the pace, makes it intolerably slow. 

“Sameen! IF YOU DON’T HURRY UP—”

She moves away quickly and hears the disappointed gasp her girlfriend makes. Shaw flicks a brow up, challengingly.

“Ohmygod,” Root says, frustrated as all hell. Voice deliciously thick. Shaw smiles then lets her ride her fingers. 

“We’re exclusive now, which means I get to be your exclusive pain in the ass,” she jokes.

And she’s pretty sure Root would argue back if she were more coherent but instead she shifts up until she’s holding onto Shaw’s neck and moving her where she wants her. Fingers colliding into all the right places.

Shaw’s impressed and also turned on ‘cause _damn_.

Brown eyes bore into hers and they look angry but also hot as fuck in that ‘I’m so angry I want to kill you but also make you totally _ruined_ ’ kind of way and Shaw’s a little afraid of what retribution’s going to be like but also so fucking distracted because wet skin is meeting her fingers as they grind and shift together and she curls her fingers and hears a breathless shudder and then Root is coming and breathing right in her ear…

And woah.

She feels her tighten between her fingers but Shaw stays and lets her ride this one out as long as she needs.

The younger girl’s body slumps against hers and Shaw supports her body, carefully, in her arms. She sees brown hairs turned dark from sweat and Shaw swipes them to the sides. 

Root says determinedly, “We’re not done I just need—“

“Mhm,” Shaw smiles at her and watches her face and her chest as it heaves.

“I’m totally doing you in a second,” Root moves them both so she’s not just laying side by side with Shaw but against her and Shaw lets her curl up next to her, this feeling still a little foreign in a way. She’s not going to be much for cuddling whether she’s “dating” or not but she allows it for now because Root’s turning her head and swiping fingers through her hair to grab her close again to urgently press their lips back together. Root tasting herself in Shaw’s mouth which _shit_ Shaw moans wantonly into the taste and the feeling.

“You’re gonna be so easy,” Root’s eyes flick up and down hers and her lips curl up confidently. Shaw’s a 100% she’s too damn right about that.

“I already know everything you like,” Root teased, “But I’m _thrilled_ to see what else I’ll learn.” And maybe a few things she’ll finally get to try out. Root’s naturally curious so she can’t be blamed for it. Her fingers pin a line along the bites and hickeys she left on Shaw’s body—creating an almost perfect recreation of some of the stars in the astrocharts that Root could visualize easily in her mind. To Shaw it was just unorganized chaos. She finds her Canis Major and Canis Minor and leans down to give them a quick nibble, quite proud of her handiwork. She thinks the Fibonacci sequence might be her next project. She could put it on her lower back or maybe around Shaw’s inner thighs.

“You’ll never take me alive,” Shaw jokes. 

“That you’re wrong about, Sameen,” Root says reaching over to unclasp Sameen’s bra (it’s been on for far longer than is necessary). Then tosses it away on the floor far, far away. 

“I’m taking you and I have no intention of ever giving you back.”


	15. [whiny voice] bae...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ lurve u guys (´◠ω◠`) ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

When Shaw goes to reach for the leopard print bra that’s been strewn across the room she feels a set of eyes following the lines of her still-naked back. 

When she actually hunches down enough to reach out for the fabric which takes a while because her legs are still feeling a little wobbly still, she hears the whine come from the back of Root’s throat. She looks behind her with a ‘ _Seriously?’_ face but Root is still naked, legs folded in front of her indian style—with a pout on her lips and her eyes on Shaw. 

If anything, this is all a bit ridiculous. Shaw looks over at her pointedly as she clasps her bra back on behind her.

Root looks even more disappointed so Shaw finally asks, “ _What_.”

“Come back here,” Root says, her eyes cloying back to the straps that she seems determined to remove. Shaw rolls her eyes but struts over and sure, maybe she kind of allows it when Root reaches behind her and tugs them back off her shoulders and Shaw back into her arms (and her where their lips can meet again).

She lets her girlfriend shift her body and accepts the kisses to her face that began a little lustily but somehow end up sweet and gentle again on her nose and her cheek. Root opens her own eyes and peeks back up with a hint of a smile in her next kiss. Her hands swoop around to rub Shaw’s back.

“I can’t be naked forever,” Shaw says and Root tuts in return _but she also looks a little too excited about that thought_ so Shaw adds, “No really… I can’t be naked forever.”

“A girl can dream.” Root rubs her hands back and then places them back on Shaw’s chest and maybe that’s how she gets so distracted that she stops talking and Shaw wants to laugh because that’s so cute and Root-like that she can’t help it… so instead she scowls and tugs Root’s mouth back to hers.

 

“Was it everything you dreamed?” Shaw asks in a joking tone that she hopes Root doesn’t know she’s actually serious about. She’d really, really hate if it she’d let Root down. Not just because it was her first time but because Shaw’s never done this with a girl before and if it was bad then she hoped that Root would at least give her a second chance… 

Her thoughts invaded as Shaw looked down, away from Root’s gaze then forced herself back into focus.

Root gave her an innocent look, watching, then extended her lips into a big, cryptic smile. 

Shaw groaned.

“You’re playing the enigmatic card, Root and I just want to know it wasn’t a total bummer or you know that suddenly you’re going to be straight now ‘cuz I let you down so bad—“ 

“Oh I’m totally _straight_ now,” Root jokes. Her eyes peer up and down Shaw’s body and then she continues on, teasingly, “I never want another girl again.”

“Yeah yeah,”

“Only boys from now on. It turns out this was just a phase after all—Who’ll tell my Mother she’ll be so happ-“ Shaw’s gonna kill her, gonna totally kill her but instead her face goes red and her brains all wracked over this and trying to figure out if everything’s okay or not. Root must pity her because she leans in to grip Shaw’s face. 

“Why so quiet, shorty?” Root asks.

Shorty!!!!!

“You did not just…”

 

“What?”

 

Shaw knows she doesn’t even owe that an answer so she just lays back down and sprawls out on Root’s pretty comfortable bed. 

She’s not sure what it is but she can’t remember the time and the light coming from the window is just confusing her when she looks at it. It’s like someone cast a spell on her and she’s been transported to a world where all her focus is pinned down onto one girl, one hot brunette nerd who seems to enrapture all her thoughts and senses whenever she’s around. It’s terrible, terrible, terrible. Shaw looks back over at said girl and watches the arc of her back, the sway of gentle curls, the languid draw of her spine. Shaw’s never been one to go to museums or look at statues and portraits but she knows a piece of artwork when she sees it.

Shaw sighs and it rolls deep out her chest.

 

She’s probably just a big old fool. She’s in too deep, that’s for sure. 

“You never answered my question, Root.” 

“That’s because your question is dumb and yes _of course_ I loved it. I think I’d love it about a hundred more times,” She pretends to think about, “ _No a thousand_. A billion…what’s an infinite amount of times?”

Shaw smiles back up, playfully and Root’s eyes are drawn (AGAIN) to where her teeth bite her lip. Because yeah, of course Shaw gets turned on thinking about how much Root likes it when they hook up. Root tilts her head knowingly then bends down to rub her palms onto the girl’s stomach.

“You’re not just my girlfriend, you know, you’re also my bae.” 

“Agreeing to date you is probably the worst decision I’ve ever made.”

“That’s not how you felt about it thirty minutes ago when my tongue was on your—” Shaw pushes her away before she can finish that sentence. Root should never have so much FODDER to throw at Shaw, good God. Also just thinking about it makes Shaw ache in still sensitive places so she is SO not letting this convo go in this direction right now. She needs at least _some_ refractory period. 

“ _How was I?_ ” Root asks and even though she knows Sameen enjoyed it, hell she got the rousing chorus of hearing her name chanted over and over again and that was that pretty hot but she can’t help but feel a worrying jealousy over all the other times Sam’s had. What if Sam didn’t think much of this night in comparison to others?

“I mean… how was I in terms of what you usually encounter?” It sounds so dumbly formal that Root wants to kick herself but she can’t so she just stares at Shaw, hopefully.

“Best I ever had.”

Root narrows her eyes because she can’t tell if Shaw is joking or not.

“Seriously?”

“Don’t let it get to your head now,” Shaw says as she scans over Root’s confused but happy face. (Root feels like her nerves are on fire, which sounds so dumb, but its true and touching Sameen is only jolting them more into motion, setting off those hundreds of neurons bouncing around the confined networks of her mind and releasing adrenaline, dopamine and norepinephrine.)

The younger girl moves until their noses are almost touching and Shaw can feel and see how excited she is and she’s glad that she was honest with her about something for once. She wouldn’t lie about this anyway, Shaw isn’t one of those people who thinks that good sex comes from lying to your partner about it. Lying tends to deter someone from getting any better. Also, _connected_ _emotionally_ doesn’t always mean good sex, she’s guessing, but in this instance Shaw’s got absolutely no complaints.

They’ve never had problems with their sexual chemistry and it’s blinding and hot and distracting and Shaw’s got a 99 problems and this hot nerd is all of ‘em!

She sees Root’s become distracted so she just lays down and enjoys the proximity. She doesn’t want to think about work or the future. She’s contented to just stay here and look at beautiful, distracted Root all day and hey maybe she even owes Finch a thank you or two for setting her up on a friend date with this person who accidentally just fell right into her life and them seemed like she’d never spent a minute without her before—

She blended a little _too_ well, Shaw thinks. But she’s not a big thank-you person so she’ll probably just buy him lunch sometime or maybe bring Bear another toy.

 

  

“What is that?” Finch leans down to examine a particular set of marks on Shaw’s arm, “And why does it look like the Fibonacci sequence?” He pressed his spectacles back up his nose, looking genuinely puzzled. Root shoots an innocent shrug his way but her smile to Shaw is more knowing. 

“Root and I are dating now,” Shaw said, simply. Because it’s true and whatever. 

Finch looked up from the detailing of her arm and then looked back and forth between the two girls, to the two young ladies he’d chosen to be as friends and now apparently more than just that. He smiled. 

Root sidled up behind Shaw and wrapped two arms around her.

“I put a ring on it,” she jokes.

Shaw rolls her eyes, “As if. _You wish_.”

“I do wish, that’s the point,” Root pecks her on the cheek and it’s so domestic that Finch might have to leave the room soon if it continues on like this, before adding, “…honey.”

 

Finch clears his throat to bring back their focus. 

“This relationship hasn’t seemed to deter your ability to fight…” 

“Oh but didn’t you know, Finch? Fighting is their foreplay.”

They all turn around to see John walking in with Finch’s apartment key in-hand and a bag of groceries in the other. He gives a short wave to the girls and then a more knowing look to Finch.

_Predictable. Didn’t he warn the guy?_

Root turned to Finch, laughing, “And we have you to thank for it. Our own little matchmaker.”

“How wonderful,” Finch replied dryly. He eyed the two girls carefully.

He was perfectly fine with them together but for some reason he had the nagging feeling that this could end up in bullets, screaming and bombs and maybe even some light arson. He peeked back over to John. 

When the two boys turned away to unpack groceries, Shaw peeked up over her shoulder at Root. The brunette was contently holding her, mind seeming far off into her own thoughts again. Shaw rolled her eyes and poked her. 

“What?” Root blinked innocently. 

She bent down and kissed a familiar bruise on the older girl’s neck. She bit softly then peeked over at John and Harold to make sure they were truly occupied.

“I know we’re trying to mess with Finch and all…” Shaw begin, “But if you keep touching me we’re really gonna have to go and take care of some things.” 

Root laughed in her ear and Shaw felt a familiar churning in her stomach. She couldn’t even help it anymore—it was sad, really, how she seemed to react to little things about Root. Like her smile or her laugh. She also enjoyed a nose scrunch here or there or the way the girl— 

Ugh, Shaw had to stop herself before she became a total mush. She is going to have to send the Terminator back into the past to kill younger Shaw if this keeps going on like this. It’s really ruining her vibe. People aren’t even as afraid of her anymore! They try to talk to her in the hallways and then ask her about her hot girlfriend.

Shaw 100% doesn’t want to talk to ANYONE. (Other than her hot girlfriend of course) so she’s gotta build back up her don’t-touch-me-vibe.

Root’s response to her ‘we’ll have to get a room’ is only to stare at her then determinedly make things _a whole lot worse_. The girl is evil.

She smiles and leaves a hot kiss on Shaw’s lips.

“Problem?” She teases, pulling back. 

“ _You’re the worst_ ,” Shaw groans. Root’s hands leave her hips and go to cup her face. The smile and look isn’t anything short of _adoring_ and it makes Shaw want to punch her.

“You bring it out in me.”

“Believe me I know.”

 

Finch clears his throat again and his face is so clearly uncomfortable that Shaw throws the little guy a bit of mercy. She disentangles herself from Root’s hands and she can already imagine the pout on the girl’s face without needing to look before walking back over to him.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

“Hey, hey, hey, _Root_?” 

Shaw is feeling groggy herself but she wakes up when she feels the younger girl squirming in her arms. 

“Root,” She says softly. Shaw shifts her body up so that she can reach for the girl’s face, slowly tracing over it in the moonlight coming in from the window. Soft strands that she carefully puts back into place as Root blinks up at her, frozen and scared. 

The girl slowly wakes up, her eyes looking around wildly and Shaw _has to admit_ , seeing her this scared and upset definitely makes something twist uncomfortably in Shaw’s gut. She does NOT like seeing Root visibly upset. 

Root blinks again, looking unsteadily at the darkness of the room.

“B-bad dream,” Root says quietly.

The air around them is quiet and stuffy and Shaw doesn’t know what to do.

“Get those a lot?” She asks and maybe she sounds a bit like her doctor side when she asks. It’s not her fault, okay, she’s just been trained too well and also her concern can’t help but leak into her voice too. She’s always so coolheaded until it seems like Root is feeling down and then suddenly Shaw is flipping over backwards to make sure she’s okay. Make sure she’s feeling good. 

Root nods her head and Shaw feels that sad pang again.

“C’mere.” Shaw adjusts so that she can stretch her arms out. Root looks at the empty embrace and a small smile tugs at her lips before she wiggles over into Shaw’s arms under the blankets.

Shaw holds onto her and she’s not a warm-snuggly person so to speak but it isn’t the worst feeling or anything you knowit’skindaniceactually and Root’s really warm and so Shaw just shuffles closer until she puts her head into the crook of Root’s shoulder and it’s really, really cozy. 

The heartbeat below hers is still going and going so Shaw presses a soft kiss to her neck. Root hums.

“I can go make you some tea or go get a blanket?” Shaw offers and Root laughs and the laugh is a relief to Shaw’s own ears. She can’t help but feel slight relief over the nervousness she’s been absorbing from Root. 

See, Shaw’s not always great at making people feel better but she’s trying. When she was a girl her mother would come and bring her into her bed and they would watch stupid movies until the night ran on into early morning. Shaw didn’t have any fears but she did get sick or so angry she felt sick or sometimes it was just…nice. 

This, now, with Root is also kind of nice.

But not with Root laughing at her!

“I’m surprised you’d offer,” Root chuckled, “But no, this is perfect.” 

She felt the hands wrap around her into a quick squeeze to emphasize how perfect it was. 

“Didn’t know that Sameen Shaw was a cuddler,” Root muttered in disbelief. She got her a light kick to the knee.

 

“Ow,” she squeaked.

“Didn’t know Sameen Shaw was a kicker either, I suppose.”

 

Shaw feels fingers digging into her hair and then she’s being twisted around so that Root can press a kiss into her lips. 

“Mmfh—“ Shaw receives another kiss.

“I can’t go back to sleep,” Root admits a bit sheepishly, “But I know you can so I want you to go to sleep _thinking of me_. I know. A bit selfish I suppose—“ 

Her hands grip onto Shaw’s sides and Shaw wants to laugh and argue at the same time but laughing and smiling wins out and she looks up in the dark room to see Root’s eyes bright and staring at her smile.

“ _God_ ,” the girl whispers and it’s reverent again which of course, makes Shaw’s ears feel like burning.

“If you’re not sleeping. I’m not sleeping.” Shaw says. She looks up stubbornly at the face above her own, Root’s brain jumping around everywhere. 

“I have trouble sleeping a lot,” Root says and again she looks guilty. Worried too. The night is dark around them and maybe even a little cold so Shaw adjusts Root so that she’s back in the girl’s arms. It’s too frigid outside to spend time debating the pros and cons of cuddling.

Free bed heater. Comes in cute packaging. Note: Also easy to turn on.

Shaw moves Root’s arms so that they come to wrap around her own and she feels warm breath on her neck. Root moves until her own cheek rests against Shaw’s and if the stuttered breathing is anything to go off of—she’s feeling some kind of way about it.

But Shaw _is_ tired and her voice is groggy (she can’t help it), “Then you stay here and keep me warm.”

 

“M’pleasure,” Root whispers back. 

 

Shaw falls asleep quickly and when she wakes up, Root is still there—looking happy but tired with bags under her eyes and admitting to only sleeping a few hours that night.

Sameen doesn’t press Root to tell her anything she doesn’t want to talk about. Instead she goes and puts on a fresh cup of coffee.

She hears the padding of feet before feeling arms wrap up against her waist and tugging her in closer. The squeeze of the hug, tight.

Shaw’s going to get into cuddling isn’t she? She’s going to miss the way Root feels when she’s wrapped in her arms or the warmth of her skin when it touches her. Root kisses her cheek and then presses her into the counter to eye the coffee.

Shaw makes an annoyed face but feels secretly pleased. 

Root eyes her then raises a brow up in challenge.

“I’ve been thinking…”

“God help me,” Shaw joked.

“That maybe we should go on like, you know, a _real date_? Not that I mind—“

“That most of our free time consists of us banging?”

 

And Root gapes but she can see the hints of that _I’m such a little shit_ smirk Shaw is biting into her own lips and she yes, SHAW DOES MAKE THE FACE A LOT. Especially when she’s proud of a one-liner or sarcastic burn she’s just laid on someone.

 

“I could cook you dinner-“

“Or we go to my favorite steakhouse.”

“And then I could drive us over-“

“ _I drive_ ,” Shaw related back very pointedly.

“Well, control freak, how about you plan the date then?” Root moved her hands until they were pushing Shaw’s hips close into her own and if the hitch in her girlfriend’s breath was anything to go off of _then she was winning back some points_.

Shaw might be her own special brand of stubborn but Root has gained enough EXP to move up in the world and she definitely knows how to work the girl over and Root’s anything _but_ above using her sexuality to get what she wants.

 

(Shaw should be VERY afraid. Root’s dangerous.)

 

“My idea of a date involves copious amounts of alcohol,” Shaw gets distracted thinking of the plans and she seems so into it—into planning—that Root finds it endearing and mind-blowingly adorable at the same time. 

“Oh really?”

“And shooting things.” 

“Seems a little dangerous,” Root says, perking a brow up.

Shaw ptfs, “If you’re going to be dating me then you need to get _used_ to danger.” 

If that’s a challenge then Root _totally_ accepts.

 

 

_Five hours later…_

 

Reese gets up to answer the crazy shouting and knocking on his door and perhaps it is the anger at being awoken at this hour that makes him take his time. He already has the nagging feeling in his head that he knows just who and what is waiting for him and to be frank, he’d rather just crawl back under the covers and ignore it.

“Root… Shaw,” He says gazing between them as they invade his hallway. (And he likes his hallway, it’s his safe place).

Root’s in a black punk-styled crop top that he already knows actually belongs to Shaw, he’s seen her rock it before and recognizes the insignia of that looks sort of like a hamsa amulet and spaceships circling around it, AND there’s also tearing right into the cleavage which is _new_ and makes it look like Root was attacked and mugged on the street…

Her brown hair is strewn everywhere and her face panicked while Shaw stands beside her, too inebriated to stand up straight and clawing at the side of the walls.

_Dear God._

“What was I even to expect at this point?” John asks himself as he backs away slowly and back into his apartment. He keeps the door open and hears the loud footsteps of the women following him inside.

“John, this idiot of mine—I need you to look at something—“

Root circles back around to loop her arm through Shaw who’s eyes rush back up to her face, suddenly reddening like an embarrassed school girl with a crush. 

Root smiles a little at that but her worry seems to take over because she’s lifting Shaw’s shirt up and –

“Woah oh ohh woahhh,” John lifts his hands up. He doesn’t know what’s happening but he does _not_ want to see this.

But when he actually stops to look (and his tired eyes adjust to the weak lighting) he sees that there’s a clearly infected tattoo brimming red and rashy all over Shaw’s exposed skin. The drunk girl is too preoccupied with Root and her swaying to pay any attention but John nods his head at Root, feeling equally concerned. 

“Normally I’d go to her, John,” Root’s voice is worried and higher than usual, “But she’s, uh, well she’s clearly not right of mind right now.” 

“You’re not right of mind,” Shaw says defensively.

“Yes I am, Sameen.” Root flicks her gaze back over and looks frustrated and all-to sober and John supposes he should ask about her torn shirt but why even bother anymore? Shaw looks over at her belligerently then tugs her close.

 

Root freezes in her grip and her hands splay over her side as she’s pushed into a deep, rushed kiss.

John’s not even sure what’s happening anymore (are they kiss fighting? What?), it’s just black hair and tan all over Root and the taller girl makes a surprised noise but then separates them quickly and allows John to go back to examining the tattoo.

“Do you have any ointment or should we go to the hospital? I don’t know what to do and,” Root gives Shaw a pointed look, “Clearly you are never in charge of date night ever again!”

“What is that? I can’t even tell because it’s so infected.” John leans over to peer at the blotches on Shaw’s skin. He knows he joked about them getting matching tattoos but he didn’t actually mean for Shaw to run out and do it. He goes back into a room to grab something that might help the swelling go down and then wraps a few ice cubes into one of his kitchen towels and hands it over to Root.

Root presses it over the infection.

 

“It’s stupid is what it is,” Root says.

Shaw glares at her then folds her arms, “You thought it was _sexy_.” 

“Tequila…” Root admits, sheepishly, to John. She knew she shouldn’t have let Sameen buy her shots but it was delicious feeling Sameen’s body against hers and her head was rushing and _oh my_. They gained a lot of new fans at that bar (and a straight couple that was trying to convince them into a fourway until Sameen threw ‘holy water’ in an attempt to exorcise them away.) 

John moves Root’s hand and the towel aside for a moment and puts ointment against the infected skin. 

It clears up just a little bit so he can see and…

“MARINES tattoo, really Shaw?” He can’t believe it. 

Shaw shrugs and then she sways and Root wraps an arm around hers to steady her. 

 

“I like it! God Blessssss America.”

“Because you’re a true patriot? A marine tattoo, I can’t Shaw, I really can’t.”

Root nods encouragingly at John. “Yes, John, tell her off! Tell her off!”

“What about you Root what about all the—“ He gestures up and down to her disheveled clothes and hair and like he said before, he doesn’t really _want_ to know but he feels like it’s a courtesy to ask. 

Instead, both girls’ faces seem to flush even in the darkness of the room so John just rolls his eyes and swipes some more ointment on the tattoo before allowing Root to press ice against it again. Shaw’s skin goose bumps and yes. When he looks back up, though, he notices the bitten mouth and hint of red at the corner of Root’s lips, like Shaw split it. John really doesn’t want to know at all. _That’s just absurd_. He decides it’s better he just go back to bed. But he’s nice enough to pull out a set of blankets and pillows for the girls before he does so. 

It’s better the floor than nothing.

 

“You said you wanted a date,” Shaw mumbled once they were alone again. 

“I _do_ want a date. This doesn’t count.”

Root leaned in and wrapped Sameen up in her arms anyway. Her girlfriend wiggled futilely before giving up and relaxing. The jostling only pressed more skin together and Shaw was determinedly not looking at how hot Root looked while wearing her clothes ‘cause damn.

“It so does count.”

“Does not.”

“Our first date involved shots, me trying to go down on you in a changing room and this tattoo… it was a great first date, what are you complaining about?” 

Root’s voice flared up angrily (hotly to Shaw) as she said: “ _AND_ our official first date involved you getting into a fight with someone JUST FOR LOOKING AT ME, you almost getting a concussion, us almost getting walked in by a woman and her child—not that you weren’t great because _wow_ but also _you ripped my shirt_!”

“MY shirt.” 

“And I looked crazy all night! And when I went to apologize to the store owner—“ 

“I’m sorry, Root! I get all… wander-y when I’m drunk!” 

“You were gone and getting an absolutely STUPID tattoo so no this is _not_ our first date and I demand a re-do. This is not our first date!” 

Shaw rolled over until they were face to face and smirked. 

“It was though.” She is all cocky and laughing and annoying Root (mostly on purpose) until she sees the split lip and her eyes unfocus and suddenly her fingers are reaching up to touch it almost on their own accord.

Root grabs her wrist before they can and bites down on the inside of it. Shaw wiggles uncomfortably because it feels so freakin’ good and she thinks about the marks she already has on her body. The gaze on hers is heated and even though they are pissed she’s glad they can agree on _some_ things still.

“ _Fuck you_ ,” Shaw tries to sound menacing and angry. She loves inciting Root, loves worrying her, loves creating angry in the brunette. Loves the roughness as much as she loves the tenderness. 

Root’s teeth disappear and she leaves a kiss over the dark bruise. Her eyes are more playful then her overall expression and Shaw feels like she’s roped her in again and man is she happy about that.

“ _Sameen_.” Root pulls her closer and bites her ear. Shaw sighs happily.

Fighting is awesome if it ends like this. Shaw’s mind is still drunk and everything feels good and so do all the harsh bites that at least help take her mind off the infection growing over her stomach. Root peels her shirt back to look back at the infection then cups Shaw’s hand.

 

“Sameen,” She whispers breathily, “I _want you_ ,” 

Shaw wishes there was a hot way to say: I’m listening. But the stupid noises she makes probably imply that to Root anyway.

“To go on a real first date with me.”

 

 _Root_. Ugh. Root.

 

“So this is how you’re gonna do this, huh? You’re gonna fight dirty, Root?”

The brunette nods. She bites her lip and hides back a smile. Shaw wants those teeth back in her skin and _now_. Wants to be undone by her again and again.

Root’s mind goes through at least a hundred different come-ons to reply to that one with. Sameen only deserves the best.

“You make me feel like playing dirty, Sameen.” She says it in the throaty voice she’s used on Sameen probably an unfair amount of times. The girl shakes her head and makes more angry noises and she’s set off her grumpy little girlfriend once again and she’s only delighted to.

A re-do is very necessary. Root wants to plan a GOOD date. She has about a hundred different ideas and she also wants to pay for it and she wants to romanticize her pants off. They’ve done plenty of the pants off and now she wants to make her swoon in other ways too.

Root bats her eyelashes innocently.

“Fine. As long as we get to do the fun stuff.” Root smiles because _of course_ they’ll be doing the fun stuff. Just they’ll also be doing some romantic stuff first.

 

(Shaw thinks she sounds whipped. Goddamnit.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
> other titles for this chapter:  
> The Merits of Cuddling (aka shameless fluff)


	16. the other "L" word // epilogue!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING PATIENT! I've been having computer problems for the past week and a half and ahhhhh but it's fixed now (thank God) and here's the end. The end end end. I want to give a special thanks to you guys who have been here and reading along since the beginning AND COMMENTING. I love your comments and I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS FINAL INSTALLMENT!

For the next few weeks Shaw’s skin is peely and itchy. She’s like a baby with the chicken pox she can’t stop scratching it.

Root peels her shirt off (one day when they’re inside of her room between Shaw’s organic chemistry class and Root’s next advanced electrical engineering one) and then shakes her head disapprovingly.

“I fell hard for an idiot,” she mutters to herself.

“Oh shut up.” Shaw feels her stomach ‘clench’ at the implication of Root falling ‘in love’ and she could go off on Root about how saying shit like that isn’t the best way to make Shaw feel at ease but she lets it slide.

She’s still scratching when she goes to pick up Bear who sniffs at the infection under her shirt. Bear watches her scratch, scratch, scratch before plopping down on his hind legs and scratching at his own ear to mirror her.

Shaw’s not getting rid of it! Tattoo removal is too expensive and with exams and graduation coming up and applying for med school… it’s not like she has time to go to a Dermatologist.

When she comes back with Bear in hand to drop him off at Finch’s place, it’s Finch who’s the most sympathetic out of everyone.

“I heard from Mr. Reese about your inebriated decision to support our U.S. Military, Ms. Shaw, but I didn’t realize it would be infected so badly.” Shaw regrettably allows for Finch to peek at the tattoo and even though he’s always so serious she can swear he’s got the hint of a smile at the creases of his lips. She wonders if a guy like Finch would ever get a tattoo and she sort of doubts it…

“I went to health services but they only gave me this weak sauce ointment to put on it. I seriously owe the dude at the tattoo parlor, a like, hurricane five level beating but I don’t even remember where I went…I must have been too blacked out or something.”

“Have you ever considered refraining from drinking so hard, Ms. Shaw?” Finch asked and it was so judgey that Shaw felt the need to immediately scoff at him. Bear tilted his head and watched from his little corner.

“You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain, _Harry_ ,” she knows he HATES it when Root calls him that—seen it first person—so she wags a brow up in defiance as she says it. Finch shudders.

“Suit yourself.”

 

Graduation puts a weird vibe in the air, like a scent that everyone can’t seem to let go. Shaw feels like it’s miserably sentimental. Every kid in her class hurrying to fuck that one person, cuss out that one person—everyone getting a weird desperation to them. Planning their futures. 

Root languidly lays beside her in the grass, Bear chomping on the chew toy Shaw picked up for him. She reads a book but seems to be only half-reading it before she leans over to steal some of Shaw’s coffee.

“Hey!” Shaw tries to push her hand away but the effort is futile, Root just shifts until they’ve both dropped it (it spills carelessly onto the grass) and her body shifts until it’s on top of hers.

Shaw looks around at the crowded quad, embarrassed. She’s not surprised Root doesn’t give a shit about watchers but she’s worried. She doesn’t even know why public displays make her feel weird because at this point, Root’s so handsy and vocal in public that she usually takes Shaw’s mind right off the idea of private or not private.

Root leans in and cups her face.

They blink at each other until Root smirks.

“So I’ve been planning… our date,” her eyes scan over Shaw’s and Shaw feels her stomach pinching and somehow Root is always pinning her down, pushing her into place. She swipes her hands onto Root’s back and then looks over at Bear who is panting, slobber wiping down all over his tongue and onto the blanket.

Then she looks back at Root, pointedly.

“Our second?”

“ _First_ ,” Root grits out between her teeth before changing the ferocity into an affable, lovely smile.

“Great…”

“I was thinking after you finish your exams. I don’t want you to be _too_ distracted. I’d rather your mind be occupied with _other things_.”

Shaw thinks then smiles because she has her own evil idea.

“Have you ever seen _Rocky_ , Root?” 

Root shakes her head.

“Well in Rocky I before he fights Mr. T in the sequel which is probably the better movie because Mr. T is _awesome_ , Rocky’s trainer tells him not to have any sex before the big match… because it’ll make him weak.”

“How foolish.”

Shaw’s eyes flicker back and forth to Root’s as she jokes, “Maybe we should do that before exams.” 

“ _Absolutely not_ ,” Root bites back. She looks extremely offended at even the suggestion.

“We’re never going back to the before-times, Sameen, those were dark times.” Her hands slide down from Shaw’s cheeks to the sides of her stomach and Root peeks under her shirt to check on the red tattoo.

 

For some reason, Root looks even angrier at the tattoo than usual. Shaw’s not actually sure why. Whatever the reason is, it’s only Root who knows. But her Marines tattoo isn’t _that_ bad.

“Okay, fineeee.” Shaw agrees back. 

“What was the thought process here anyway?” Root draws lines around the red patches of skin but doesn’t intrude on them with her fingers, “Trying to highlight your abs because they don’t draw enough attention already?” 

Shaw can see whatever kinky thoughts are crossing her girlfriend’s mind as she stares at her stomach so Shaw leans back to let her shirt ride up even more (HEY, Root’s not the _only_ one who knows how to play dirty…) and watches as unfocused eyes trace the movement.

Shaw waves her hands in frustration “I’ve always thought that like…I’d be a great marine,” she takes another deeper breath, “Like my Dad _was_.”

Root blinks and Shaw can swear she looks kind of sad and so she just keeps blabbering on:

“And they’re on the front lines a lot of the time, like it’s the crazy brave people who are known for being marines and you know I’m not really all that afraid of dying and stuff, I’d probably be really good.”

 

Definitely an angry girlfriend.

Shaw watches as Root’s expression deflates and then becomes pensive. She wonders why it’s such a big deal if she likes the army? Shaw’s becoming a doctor anyways so it doesn’t really matter. She reaches out to touch Root’s arm and the girl allows it but looks stiffer than usual. 

“You’re going to drive me crazy.” Root says.

“I know.” She’s got driving Root crazy down to a science, apparently, even though she’s not really sure why this in particular is upsetting to her. Maybe she doesn’t like the idea of long distance with them? But being a doctor is also time-consuming and it requires a lot of separation from your loved ones. Being a doctor does involve less bullets and gunpowder though.

Shaw likes living on the edge and if she doesn’t get that rush from cutting a person open and having five seconds of time to act before their internal organs shut down (just one example of a high-crisis situation) then she’s probably gotta find it somewhere else. Booze, drugs and sex are secondary adrenaline rushes although she sometimes wonders if the sex between Root and her might evolve into a first kind of adrenaline rush—the kind with hazardous chemicals, explosions and carefully welded knives.

She looks back over at Root and sees her apprehension. 

Shaw decides to help. She leans in and kisses her tentatively—the kind of kiss that Root often plants on her and it’s probably kind of weird but there’s something in Shaw’s fundamental chemistry that’s changing here. She’s learning – she’s a robot becoming self-aware (just kidding) and if she’s learned anything from her girlfriend it’s how to watch over something. How to care for it. To dote. To kiss. To lo—

She’s done with that trail of thought. Shaw presses her palm to Root’s face and when her eyes open again they’re still flecked with worry and she wants to squeeze the worry out of her but she can’t do everything so Shaw just smiles. 

Loving Shaw is a kind of war in itself, Shaw supposes.

 

~ ~ ~

 

_Exams week._

 

She’s got this; she’s so got this. Shaw picks up a pack of Red Bulls for this week and lazily stretches in between the long periods of time stuck at her desk. She’s also implemented a torturously long ‘no girlfriends, no distractions’ rule to Root which has left the girl piteously texting her and leaving her sad Facebook messages which, Shaw had to make Reese change her password because one of her boredom-habits is scrolling through photos of people she doesn’t exactly care about. 

One day she accidentally spills her café latte and her red bull (mixed with five hour energy for extra Shaw-diesel fuel boosts) onto her computer and she loses her shit.

She rushes it to the computer lab and all her papers and exam work should be gone, gone, gone but instead (through some mysterious miracle) all the most important files on her computer are protected under some kind of firewall or something and then uploaded to another server. Shaw shrugs her shoulders ‘cause she ain’t got no clue how this shit happened but she thanks all the electric little computer angels for having her back and is just damn grateful all her shit is safe.

The second she’s out of her classroom and she’s half-sure she’s nailed her last exam—she receives a cryptic text from a blocked number on her phone.

 

**_Go to the chemistry building_ ** **.**

 

“Yeah, sure,” Shaw mumbles to herself, but she can’t help but look at her cellphone screen with a bit of apprehension. If this is Root’s idea of a joke then Shaw should properly inform her that she’s seen more than enough horror films where the idiot college kid gets whacked following some dumb anonymous text message telling them where to go. It takes her curiosity getting the better of her to make Shaw decide to listen to the stupid text.

She walks over to the chemistry labs, which isn’t very far from her exam anyways, and sees a long black car waiting for her.

  

Not suspicious at all…

 

Shaw feels her phone vibrate again and looks down at the screen.

 

**_Tell Vanya hello for me._ **

 

She knows the work of her girlfriend when she sees it. Shaw steps over and sees the black car’s window roll down. Inside is an older-looking man and if Shaw’s being honest, he kind of looks like a Russian Santa Claus and not the St. Nick one, but the chubby American Coca-Cola one with bright cheeks and graying hair. His beard is only extended to a mustache and his chin, though and Shaw gives him the tiniest of waves before asking, “You Vanya?’

The man smiles and pops the car’s lock open for her. 

“Come in, come in.”

She does so (with some serious hesitation) before the locks pop down again and she feels herself shudder at the idea of being locked in with a possible crazy-mofo stranger but Shaw’s never been one for making smart decisions anyway. So why start now? 

“Root says hello, by the way,” She says. There’s no partition or anything but there’s snacks and a water bottle. Shaw ignores the water but heads straight to the snacks and rips open the packaging. 

The man chuckles and says, “We drive! Then we see Root!” 

“Yeah, I figured.”

“Very pretty girl… and smart and polite,” he seems excited to talk about her so Shaw nods along with the man, helping him replace a few words here and there when they don’t translate well from Russian into English.

“Let me guess, you can’t tell me where we’re going?”

“It is surprise.”

Shaw nods again but she stares out the window and watches as the car pulls out from the science lot and heads towards the stadium.

When he parks, five minutes later, outside said stadium Shaw is a little confused.

“Here?” she asks.

“Here.” Vanya agrees. Shaw’s extremely confused but she ducks out of the car and heads towards the stadium, past the entrance and the dead-grass (filled with nothing and _nobody_ ) and then finds a set of bleachers to sit on.

 

If this is an elaborately set up way of making Shaw feel like she’s been stood up then it’s working. She huffs and waits and then hears a light set of steps form behind her. 

“Hello Sweetie,” Root greets. She leans down and pecks a kiss to her cheek but Shaw’s definitely still kind of pissed.

“Yeah, yeah. What’s the deal, Root?” 

Root grins and then her long legs are moving until she can slide into the spot on the stadium bleechers, smack dab next to her and Shaw is crossing her arms but allowing it for now. She also coolly observes the cellphone Root’s got in her hands.

“I’ve been wracking my brain over the past few weeks trying to plan the best date possible,” Root begins and Shaw is already sure this can’t be it, “When I thought of all the stuff I like and what I find romantic. But I know that what I find necessarily romantic isn’t necessarily the stuff you like… so then I thought to myself…”

Root leans in to her ear and Shaw feels her cheeks reddening through the closeness (and also damn why does Root look so playful tonight? The nerve!)

“What does Sameen Shaw like?”

“Uh-huh,” Shaw’s eyes dip down to her lips and maybe she can’t help but think the answer to that is _Root_. Root is what she likes. Instead, she plays her cards close to the chest and pretends Root didn’t just notice her blatant staring. The lips curl into a grin. 

“And that’s when the fun began because even though you’re about to deny it I know you like Kanye.”

 

Not where she thought this was headed… 

But around them, the stadium fills with the sounds of orchestra and strings and Shaw turns her head to see a band walking in and playing.

Shaw groans.

“The Kanye-Kim proposal video…” Root eyes Shaw carefully, “Do you realize you watched that video on youtube five times in the week it came out?” 

“I don’t love Kanye, Root. No one does! I just think it’s kind of cool that he doesn’t care about stuff…” but her words trail off as the band comes towards them and they both get distracted by the loud instruments playing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” and where did Root get the money to hire this orchestra? 

“This is only the first stop,” Root grabs Shaw’s hand and before Shaw can complain about it, they are walking back to Vanya’s parked car.

“We’re just gonna leave them there?” she asks, fleetingly worried about the band as they drive away to their next location. 

Also, maybe she wouldn’t have totally minded watching them finish their set. She did kind of like that proposal video with Kanye and Kim… 

They are already off before she can argue about it. And their next location is also, mysteriously, not very far away. They could have walked!

Vanya drops them off at a nice (if not PRICY) restaurant and Root’s leading her in with an arm around her back. 

“Root! We’re not even dressed up enough—” 

Root smiles and then shrugs mysteriously and Shaw’s pretty sure she wants to kill her. She holds back an angry growl as a set of nicely dressed restaurant hosts lead them up the stairs and to the balcony. 

But before being seated, Root takes Shaw’s hand again and leads her off to the bathroom.

Where two garment bags are hanging up with their names on it. Shaw eyes her suspiciously before turning to Root.

This night is weird and if this is the last time Shaw has to follow a scattered, weird set of directions that make no sense ever again in her life—she’ll be grateful for it. Root seems like a natural, however. 

Root locks the single bathroom door and then starts stripping off her jeans and shirt, staring at Shaw as she does so.

Shaw’s going to have a goddamn heart attack. Her breathing is definitely spiked.

 

“A-alcohol…” She questions in an almost non-question. Root’s smiling and watching her gaze.

“Yes, babe. We can order alcohol.” 

“Good,” Shaw hums back. And then Root’s slipping on a set of heels and a dress. She struts over and turns around. 

Shaw’s confused until Root peeks over and says, “Zip me?” 

Her voice has dropped too. Shaw’s fumbling over quickly to zip her nice dress up from the back and yeah this is kind of the opposite of what she’s usually doing with Root’s clothes but Root turns around and then her hands meet where Shaw’s just were.

“It took me weeks to get this place…” Root says but her eyes keep dropping down to Shaw’s. She must feel her resolve drop however because she leans forwards and gives her one, fleeting kiss.

Shaw starts stripping but then she feels hands helping her get out of her clothes and she literally has to swat Root’s hands away.

“I got it, I got it.”

“ _I know_.” Root’s watching her closely and then her hands are tracing over her hips.

“My date involved _a lot less waiting_ ,” Shaw jokes. She puts on the black dress (happy with the color Root selected, she decides) and then Root’s pushing forwards to wrap her arms around her and zip her up. 

Then she’s pulling her hair out and fussing over it. 

“Every other part of this date is for you, I promise but…” She looks excited about the outfit, “This part’s for me.”

“Kanye would have told Kim to show up to the stadium already dressed up.” She tries to sound superior about it but Root doesn’t look dismayed at all. 

“Kanye definitely would have picked out her outfit for her though.”

“You’re right about that,” they both laugh and head back to their table. Shaw quickly orders a dirty martini (extra dirty actually which gets an eye raise from her date) and then her appetizer and her entrée. Looks like Root’s paying for this so she’s all for eating her weight in steak and sides.

 

“I’ll have a glass of white wine and the Chef’s special,” Root tells the waiter.

“Chef special? That’s like four courses,” her eyes kinda widen and it’s not like she losing her cool but _exactly how much money does Root have_? Root shrugs again and then stares out at the city, below them. Yeah, even Shaw can admit this place has a killer view of the city.

It reminds her of a place her parents always went to for _Nowruz_ but she doesn’t open her mouth to say anything about that. Just sees a quick image of her parents in her mind, remembers her father laughing with his arm wrapped around her mom…a different time. 

They bring out the first course for Root and Shaw stares enviously at her plate from across the table.

Root laughs and then slides it over. 

“I got it for both of us, Sameen.”

Shaw rolls her shoulders back and then happily lunges her fork into the plate of food. Root watches but chews modestly in comparison. She tends to be a small-biter, Shaw’s noticed. A food saver.

Her taste buds are pretty darn happy. She lets out a small, happy noise and then Root’s head is swerving around to stare at her.

They both stare and don’t say anything but Shaw decides to play the offense for once. She leans forward, “Is this where you take all your dates?” 

Root lets out a small _pttff_ noise. 

“Certainly not.” She peers down at the free hand Shaw has at the table and then seems conflicted before slowly leaning her own free hand to cover hers.

“I just like seeing you happy.” Root says and she’s got her dopey, heart-eyes smile so Shaw knows this isn’t a moment of teasing or joking but something serious. 

“God knows it happens so often,” she shoots back but she’s smiling and _damn this food is good_. She chows down on it even more and suddenly feeling the high every student experiences when they are done with their shit and feel the shackles of school slowly rolling away from them. Freedom!

Root’s fingers play with her own as her eyes look off, distracted.

It’s such a picturesque image. Root who is so much younger than her but looks and acts so much older, like a woman with the world already on her shoulders. 

She sees someone who can fit in nowhere and everywhere at the same time and it must be nice at times. Sameen always feels like the outsider looking in, the robot trying to guess what other people are doing—what kind of emotions they’re running on and here’s Root. Charming, intelligent, attractive… the list only goes on… Root. Root who has barely any actual roots. Displaced.

“I promise not to get too mushy, Sameen,” she smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes, “But I just wanted to tell you something…” 

“I’m all ears.” Shaw says and she’s surprised to know _that she actually_ is.

“I’ve…lost people before and ever since then I’ve realized it’s important to let people know how much you care about them while they’re still in your life.”

Shaw blinks and takes another long sip of her drink.

Why did they have to be so different? Why was it so hard sometimes?

Shaw’s lost people too but she’s not like Root. Not like Root… her eyes glance down to the fingers tracing over hers and she decides that while she may not be able to give everything—she certainly isn’t as good at this stuff as Joss or Root… she can do her best.

“You don’t need to do the protecting, Root. _I do_ the protecting.” 

Root perks an eyebrow up.

“What?”

“You’re not gonna lose anyone on my watch. I’ve got your back.”

Root grins and Shaw’s relieved. It feels a little lighter and Shaw’s got absolutely _no_ response to words like that.

 

They share and split the rest of the meal but it’s still more than just a little excessive. The waiters take their plates away and come back with a handful of aluminum swans and even a to-go whale with its foil twisted to create a perfect tail. Shaw balances the leftovers in her palm.

In the doorway to her flat, she drops them in favor of pushing Root up against the wall next to her door.

Root lets out a deep laugh.

“What happened to ‘no sex before exams’, Sameen? Don’t you want to be Rocky Balboa?” Root whispered into her ear, she leaned her hand forward to stroke a rough fingertip along the tip of Shaw’s ear and traced it again with her other fingers. The nice fabric of her dress still rubbing up on Shaw’s skin. 

“I pity the fool,” Shaw quoted quickly, “And like I said, the sequel was a better movie anyway!”  She pushed their lips together with no more hesitation than an old woman has being invited to play bingo. Root’s hands swipe through her hair and pull her mouth closer.

Root pushes until she has Shaw cornered then notices the open door, still swinging behind them. She kicks it closed with the back of her foot.

“But people—“ Shaw gets her hands underneath her dress and Root has to bite down on her own lip to keep from moaning, “Not… on first dates,”

It wasn’t even a complete sentence. 

“Shut up, Root and just fuck me.”

“Oh my God.” 

They laugh and stumble away.

Root’s tripping over her heels, trying to kick them off in a hurry. Shaw’s out of her clothes so fast that Root has the quick, confused thought that maybe she’d Velcro-ripped them off like a basketball player.

She leans against the same door frame she’d been exiled from only a few months back and smiles at her Sameen, “Must have been a good date then…”

“So good,” Shaw watches as Root walks over and she helps her with the extra few feet by pulling her onto the bed, catching her easily, “So, so good. But it's about to get even better.”

Root likes the sound of that. 

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Good evening class of 2015, I would like to thank the faculty and administration of this school for dedicating their time to enriching our lives and the opportunities we will hopefully find in the future. You have given us and will continue to give those who will still remain here after this little speech, the benefit of your experience and your knowledge. I would also like to thank my classmates for inspiring me. It is not just me up here but every single one of you. You’re amazing. We will leave here today not just alumni or classmates _or friends_ but as family…”

The audience full of cousins, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, faculty, mascots, underclassmen and everything else in between broke out into claps. 

The speaker, in her gown, smiled and continued on. 

“But I will not waste anymore time, here’s your valedictorian – SAMEEN SHAW!”

More cheers and Shaw walked up to the stage, her gown shimmying in the wind behind her. Finch jumped up in the crowd to let out an excited cheer then looked embarrassed and sat back down with everyone else. 

Reese and Root grinned from behind her, Root’s smile crazy wide. Shaw turned around and gave them both a quick wink before leaning in to tap the microphone and make sure it was still turned on. 

Man that speech before hers was _boring_. Ugh.

“Hello,” she said.

The crowd watched.

“I don’t really like big and fancy eloquent speeches… I think they are a waste of time and I know what I’m about son. But there’s an expression my mother used to tell me when I was little…” Shaw peered out into the audience, giving everyone a reaffirming head nod to acknowledge them and their vicinity to her vicinity. First her teachers and then the Dean and her family sitting in a big clump. She was not looking forward to their dinner together with Root later, gonna be mad awkward.

Literally EVERYWHERE they go, Root is like: “Here’s my girlfriend, Sameen!” so she should be used to it by now though. Even at times when it’s completely unnecessary—like when Shaw just wants to rent a book from the library (“IM HER GIRLFRIEND. NICE TO MEET YOU!”) or like, when Shaw’s bringing her laundry over to wash it on campus (way cheaper!) and Root’s standing around her, grinning like an idiot. She’s kinda feeling like a trophy wife at times but whatever. Shaw’s fucking hot so she’d show herself off too if she were, uh, dating herself. That’s a weird thought. 

“She’d say, _jeegaret-o bokhoram_ ,” Shaw translated it for them, “Which means, _I will eat your liver_.”

Some members of the audience let out a shocked gasp. Shaw nodded. 

“Which roughly translates in her home language to, _I would do anything for you_. Or to show you really care about someone… immensely. I say to my class today, _jeegaret-o bokhoram_. Because as Martine, our second place valedictorian said—“ Martine frowned, “We are family.”

 

Instead of gasps she heard “awes” and happy noises of acknowledgement. Shaw nodded again, like a sage professor would.

“You say those words to someone who could be a family, friend, _lover_ ,” her eyes met Root’s who looked gravely surprised and confused, “But it’s someone,” she turned her eyes away because now this part would be too hard for her to look right into Root’s eyes at, “You have an intense love for.”

The crowd clapped modestly.

“But, hey! You know these things really run on _way too_ long so maybe if I wrap it up now we can get along to the important things like eating—” Shaw stepped away from her mike and another very faint round of applause broke out. Reese looked at her like, ‘what the hell, Shaw?’ and she just shrugged before taking a seat next to Root. 

Root bumped her shoulder and leaned in, “Wow. So glad I rigged the computer system to give you all A’s this year, totally worth it.” Before looking back at the Dean as she apologized to the audience for their valedictorian’s behavior.

Shaw stiffened.

“What?” She whispered a little too loudly. Root shushed her but held back a laugh.

“I thought I’d earned that,” Shaw said pitifully.

 

 

[ **15 minutes later:**

 

“Samantha Groves,” announced the speaker. Shaw looked around, curiously.

Root stood up beside her.

 _“Your name is Samantha Groves?”_ she asked in a quick whisper before she left to receive her diploma. Root shrugged then told her, “You said I could be Sameen for _the night_ not a lifetime.”

“Ha… ha,” Shaw fake laughed.

Shaw had forgotten that she’d never actually bothered to learn her name as anything other than Root (which Root preferred anyway) I mean, _they’ve had sex_ and are technically ‘dating’ or whatever and Shaw hadn’t even bothered to learn her full name… Samantha Groves?

“I can’t believe your name is Samantha. I can’t believe we have the same name,” Shaw said when Root sat back down after accepting her diploma. 

“ _How drunk were you_?” Root asks, trying to figure out if Sameen had actually paid absolutely no attention to the first night they’d gotten together or not. Or was it a mixture of that and the normal amount of Sameen not paying attention to people? Root knew she had told her Sam was her name too…

 

Shaw knew Root knew everything about her and that it wasn’t exactly an evenly matched playing field… but _her frickin’ name_.

“I’m Root but I used to be Samantha Groves, nice to meet you,” Root said playfully, extending her hand in an introductory greeting.

Shaw rolled her eyes.

“Whatever, I’m not calling you Sam in bed. That’s too fucking weird.”

“You can call me _whatever you want_ , Sameen.” Root grinned. 

“With how little I actually know about you, you might as well be a one night stand,” she joked.

Root look turned serious, “That won’t do at all. I’ll have to start leaving around detailed resumes about myself…”

“How much money do you have?”

“No.”

“Fine.”]

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

When Joss comes back, there’s a huge banner saying “BONJOUR CROISSANT FROMAGE TU BAGEL” slung against the walls of her flat and she drops her bags and runs to give her friends a hug, slightly shaking her head.

“Because that’s about as much French as you _actually_ know!” Shaw jokes, wrapping her arms around and releasing, out of the hug uncomfortably. Just because she’s in a… _so-called **relationship** … doesn’t _mean she’s suddenly all warm and gooey like an idiot. She’s just more _adaptable_. Joss and Reese kiss and it’s uncomfortable for everyone because the big lug already picked her up from the airport so you’d think they could have made a motel stop for their nooky or something on the way home. 

Root laughs and then introduces herself to Joss.

“Nice to meet you in the flesh!” She says, shaking her hand. Joss shakes back but then pulls her into a friendly hug instead.

“Nice to meet you too, Root baby,” She says.

 

Finch gives her a hug next and Bear licks at her palms, too eager to say hello. 

Root leans against the doorway and watches as the group reassembles and Joss talks up Paris and you won’t believe what happened and the churches were insane! So beautiful! And she found a mafia-ring operating outside of a homeless shelter and secretly informed the local police about them… 

Shaw peeked over at Root and saw her winking at her. She rolled her eyes.

“I’m so happy to be back guys, woah!” Joss said, excitedly. She was suffering some extreme jet lag though so she had to pass out. Shaw gave her a pat on the back and Finch and Reese made sure she was going to come by and see them later, once she felt ready.

She gave Root another hug and a look at Shaw like, “Nice work!” once Root wasn’t looking. 

Shaw was pretty freakin’ tired too, she hadn’t been getting a lot of sleep with hottie mcnerdie always on her dick. She jumped onto the couch and felt a pair of legs going on top of her in like two seconds flat.

Then hands moving to tickle her sides.

“Oh no, is little Sameen sleepy?” Root teased. Bear came up bashfully wagging his tail and licking Shaw’s sides.

 

She let out a fake, pained breath and Root gave her a little space—very little—before Bear came in to jump on top, next to them and curled up by their side.

“Good thing the only thing I care about is here now,” Shaw announced. She tried to bend over to pet him but Root and Bear’s sheer weight were all in the way and slightly crushing her to death.

“Oh c’mon,” Root joked back, but she focused her attention back on the news. Marine program drafting! Looking for available doctors!

She bit her lip absently. Felt Bear licking her hand as she did.

 

The future was always around the corner no matter who you are or where you are or _what you’ve done_.

Somewhere an AI computer was being built. Somewhere B-A-D was being scribbled, half-hazardly, onto a toilet room stall in code. Somewhere a car was crashing, a woman was joining the police force, a secret and suspicious government service was approaching new assets…

Root leaned down and brushed the hair of the only thing she cared about out of her eyes; happy it was here now too.

 

Shaw groaned.

 

“ _Je t’aime_ ,” Root said quietly.

“I don’t speak French,” Shaw answered back, stubbornly.

Root scrunched her nose and leaned down to kiss her, enjoying a perfect moment while it lasted.

 

“Sure you don’t.”

 

 

 

 

 _Fin_.


End file.
